To think if you're gonna stay in someone's house who has small kids don't complain about the noise/tantrums

[GunpowderGelatine]

My mum is staying with me for a week, we see her maybe twice a year, and by god this is hard.

All she waffles in about is how hard/noisy/whingey my kids are. They are 5 and 2. 5yo good as gold but loud. 2yo has just turned 2 and going through the terrible twos. But if I'm struggling to get them both ready on a morning for school/nursery (DH works funny patterns so isn't always around to do it) she just sits gawping as the 2yo tries to climb on me as I'm buttoning up DD's shirt or putting on her tie. Mum just stares and tuts about how she couldn't live in a house like this, far too chaotic, she was a single mum of 3 and we weren't this bad.

Yesterday DS had a tantrum in a shopping centre because I took him off one of those little ride on cars. It's the kind of tantrum where he's so resistant that I had to bear hug him to carry him back to the car (we have all been there haven't we?). As I was strapping him in he did that arched back thing they do to stop you from putting them in 🙄 and my mum got some sweets out her handbag and said very loudly "here give him these, it'll shut the little twat up." I was bloody furious, it was very embarrassing as lots of people heard her and to me saying things like that aren't helpful to the situation. I told her don't you ever call my son that again (I mean he kind of is but only I'm allowed to call him it and in my head ).

She insisted on coming with me today to collect him from nursery, he's a bit under the weather and tired so has screamed pretty much all the way home. The whole journey she just chuntered on about "oh my god this is dreadful how do you cope, what a little bugger" and then tried to pass him her phone to play with (I don't mind screen time but not aged 2 when sitting in the car) and being offended when I said no don't do that please.

She's used to idyllic countryside, she doesn't work, hasn't for about 13 years (not retired, not even 60 yet) so I think it's a bit of a shock to the system but AIBU to think if you're choosing to stay with a family with small kids expect a bit of chaos?

She’s hideous OP. The twat comment was way out of line, do you think she meant to say twit? (Although still not brilliant)!

Not sure why anyone’s judging your parenting you sound lovely, just could do without the pressure of an unhelpful rude granny passing judgement. The b&b is a great idea..in another town or something

She's gone!

TBH I don't really like having any guest come to my house and do nothing but sit on the sofa staring ahead but if anyone should be helpful/offer to cook/pull their weight surely it's your own parent?!

You’d think so wouldn’t you!

Glad she’s left you in peace

Tbh, all other factors aside, if anyone - family or otherwise - spoke about my DC in that manner, that would be the last interaction that I ever had with that person.

sounds like the word she used was pretty accurate at the time and if think a child is not going to learn any bad words then your living on another planet

Laughing at the posters claiming your 2 year old is 'out of control'! He sounds completely standard to me!

Your DM sounds like a PITA. Poor you.

maryjoyce - you think calling a 2yo (That's 2 years old!) a TWAT is accurate? Riiiight.

Hope you don't have kids. Or know anyone with kids.

Fuck me OP - as PP said, if my mum called my kid a twat she'd be walking home to find her bags packed on the doorstep! None of this 'maybe next time you should think about a b&b', there wouldn't be a next time until a massive meaningful apology was made!

Glad you've got your home back. FWIW my kids behaviour always always escalated when my mother was visiting as I think they sensed the tension.

I was a cm.for years.
Never had a 2 yr old who didnt have a meltdown ever! Its part of thier learning process, how to control thier emotions. 2yr olds usually cant, they get tired and frustrated, angry, upset and cant express it in words and blow up. Its 100% normal. Anyone who thinks otherwise doesnt understand child development.

I remember fighting with.my eldest trying to get him in a car seat in supermarket car park. As someone told me its like trying to put an octopus into a string bag😀😀

Glad you have got your peace back op😉

I cannot understand anyone sitting and watching someone who you are supposed to love struggling when you could offer them assistance. It's just a bizarre attitude.

As for calling a 2yo a twat apart from in the privacy of your own head - totally and utterly unacceptable. Whether or not children will learn bad language is beside the point. No child should learn bad language from someone who is supposed to love them aiming those words at the child. Completely disgusting behaviour.

I think MaryJoyce makes a good point about swearing. I think Osborne children's books are missing a trick tbh - My First Swear Words would be the perfect addition to their range. Ideal present from granny!

It's your fault for being such a model child yourself. You should have given her much more grief you fool Seriously though our parents will always have an (usually negative) opinion on how we bring our kids up,even if they don't always say it out loud. Calling your child names though-especially in public (how embarrassing!) is bang out of order and I would definitely have pulled her up on that,because as you say your kid may at times be a twat but he's your twat.

If you read the OP, she specifically said "5yo good as gold. 2yo ... going through the terrible 2s". That's not lumping them together!
Anyway, yanbu, your mum sounds awful and you should have a celebratory glass of champagne tonight, and enjoy your weekend!
(My 2 yo also lives to try to climb on my head at random times. I don't let her, but it's a lot easier to stop her when DH or my mum or his mum can intervene!)

Lol my mum very good mostly but I do get that 'you were never like that' & 'what's wrong with her/him?' (eh nothing just normal toddler/kid/teen behaviour!) I swear they act up when she's here ten times worse. Prob is now she drives my older kids & nieces n nephews mad with her non stop commentary. N it's sad she just doesn't stop to really listen to them to busy talking over them.

I think your mum has developed that selective memory that a lot of people get and has 'forgotten' that she had a lot of help from your grandparents next door, choosing instead to remember the more heroic version of events where she was a single mum battling on alone. So then it becomes 'I managed with my kids and I was on my own; why can't Gunpowder do it all perfectly?'

I thought two year old tantrums were a normal part of development, where they know what they want or want to do but can't communicate it well enough.

She sounds just like my mum.

Of course they are stealth, people pretending otherwise are just lying on the internet to try and make other people feel bad. Weird hobby.

Maryjoyce

Dont be daft. Kids will hear swear words but they dont need to be called them by the people who are supposed to love them and teach them how to act with consideration for others.
Calling her little granson "the little twat" in public showed her up as an arse not the child who was behaving abdolutely normally for a 2yr old.