To think if you're gonna stay in someone's house who has small kids don't complain about the noise/tantrums

[GunpowderGelatine]

My mum is staying with me for a week, we see her maybe twice a year, and by god this is hard.

All she waffles in about is how hard/noisy/whingey my kids are. They are 5 and 2. 5yo good as gold but loud. 2yo has just turned 2 and going through the terrible twos. But if I'm struggling to get them both ready on a morning for school/nursery (DH works funny patterns so isn't always around to do it) she just sits gawping as the 2yo tries to climb on me as I'm buttoning up DD's shirt or putting on her tie. Mum just stares and tuts about how she couldn't live in a house like this, far too chaotic, she was a single mum of 3 and we weren't this bad.

Yesterday DS had a tantrum in a shopping centre because I took him off one of those little ride on cars. It's the kind of tantrum where he's so resistant that I had to bear hug him to carry him back to the car (we have all been there haven't we?). As I was strapping him in he did that arched back thing they do to stop you from putting them in 🙄 and my mum got some sweets out her handbag and said very loudly "here give him these, it'll shut the little twat up." I was bloody furious, it was very embarrassing as lots of people heard her and to me saying things like that aren't helpful to the situation. I told her don't you ever call my son that again (I mean he kind of is but only I'm allowed to call him it and in my head ).

She insisted on coming with me today to collect him from nursery, he's a bit under the weather and tired so has screamed pretty much all the way home. The whole journey she just chuntered on about "oh my god this is dreadful how do you cope, what a little bugger" and then tried to pass him her phone to play with (I don't mind screen time but not aged 2 when sitting in the car) and being offended when I said no don't do that please.

She's used to idyllic countryside, she doesn't work, hasn't for about 13 years (not retired, not even 60 yet) so I think it's a bit of a shock to the system but AIBU to think if you're choosing to stay with a family with small kids expect a bit of chaos?

OP I remember your last thread about the finance side of your mother coming to stay

She is obviously just out to complain and moan. And to get one over on you. I hope she is doing all the paying for the trips to Asda? Remember she will try to get some of this money back from you at the end of the trip!

How long is she staying?

I bet you were little rat bags when you were younger and she just has her rose tinted glasses on.

If she won’t actually pull her finger out to help, then what is the point of her coming over?

She clearly doesn’t enjoy being with her family and it looks like she comes over for a nice big shopping spree (probably hoping you will chip in and help)

@Drogosnextwife are you my mum?

I don't expect her to discipline them nor would I want her to, given she wasn't much cop at it when we were growing up. But if it was MIL (or indeed a semi-helpful person) sitting there, she'd be up and taking DS somewhere to play or she'd take over with DD's uniform. Which to me is a normal family helping each other out.

Well I think I may have put her off anyway, we have put Mr Tumble songs on the TV for DS to dance to, it's been going on for 30 minutes, that ought to stave her off for a good year at least

shops are hardly "fun" with kids! I can see she thought she`d be doing cutesie baking, singing lullabies, crafts and shit! .....welcome to reality grandma! She wants a dolly then. My mum was like that . Havent seen her in a long time .

I would be furious with those comments your Mum has made.

My Mum can forget what it is like to have people in her house. She moans about how it is messy as soon as we arrive. There is no mess, we don't leave anything lying around, she is just used to being on her own. But that pales compared to your Mum. I wouldn't let her stay in my house again if I was you.

@BikingBeatrix TBF she put the frozen lasagna in the oven last night but yes I've cooked, or DH has, with no offer to help for the last week.

@ciderhouserules I keep forgetting my purse funnily enough she did ask for 50p for a tiger loaf she bought though 🙄

Drogosnextwife
You are not helping.
Your mum isn't there to help you discipline your kids.
Nope it sounds like she is just there to teach them some bad language.

Once we got in the car I unleashed hell for calling him a twat, she didn't speak to me for about 3 hours.

It may be a while before she comes to visit again OP. .

Seriously though some GParents are good and helpful, some are rubbish and make a difficult situation worse. (A bit like some posters).

Also your DC's probably are a bit out of routine with GMother there and you are probably tense because of the way she and your DC's are behaving, which has a negative effect on DC's behaviour also.

Just smile and say how lucky were you that I was such an angel Mum.

I doubt it but if it was my dgc I would be fed up listening to tantrums aswell

Blimey. I thought it was bad enough with my DM and her, "She's so energetic, isn't it awful" comments about my 3yo DD. (Probably not 100% serious, and I've realised for a few years now that my parents CBA really with me when I was young...but still wondering why someone would say that even in 'humour')

But actually calling your son a "twat". Just no.

Drogosnextwife
You are not helping.

I didn't realise I was required to help, it's AIBU, and yes I think she.

You think the woman is being unreasonable for not wanting her mother to call her 2.5 year old a twat in public?? interesting. Do the parents of the children you mind know how you feel about profanity in public?

I think as we get older we just forget what it is like with young children tbh. I would never be so rude as to comment but shrieking and tantruming children out and about really jangle my nerves and whilst I would never call a child a twat I can imagine me bribing with sweets rather than listen to the noise. Maybe a word about the language and remember next time when you are asked for an invite.

I wouldnt have the woman to stay - end of. She sounds a nightmare and life is challenging enough with 2 young kids. And as for the bad language in public aimed at a 2 year old - thats disgusting and she should be ashamed of herself.

pallisers

Being purposely obtuse, read my first post where I said the language she used was unacceptable. Typical when someone goes against the grain people start making things up to make it sound worse 😂.

Oh, so you don't think the OP is being unreasonable. That's different then.

I think she’s just so far removed from small children she forgets what it’s like. Before I had children I was secretly horrified by the chaos and noise of other people’s. I obviously never said anything though because I’m not a “twat” like your mum (can’t believe she spoke about your son that way?!) I think if you’re not in the toddler “zone” it can be difficult to be around and you think it’s madness. But considering she obviously has form for this then maybe she just derives pleasure from putting you down?

I have a DD the same age and it can be crazy here some days... solidarity OP!

Her language is well out of order, but I do agree with a PP thst your 2 year old does sound a bit out of control. You say he's 'good as gold' but then describe the terrible two's and a series of tantrums etc.

I have a child of the same sort of age, and I do understand that sometimes they have tantrums, but it does sound like your little boy is being rather challenging round now.

Maybe her children were a bit easier? Or she's forgotten what they were like. The language really isn't on though!

I think your mum is obvs not 'maternal', and never was. So she thinks your dc are little twats, badly behaved and unlike you and your siblings were at the same age? She was either never there for your (VERY normal) tantrums and climbing/attachment stage or never bothered with you. Which is why she is a bit - detached from you and your dc.

I think you are LC OP, (?) and I think that is a Very Good Thing. For you and your dc.

The behaviour from your slightly under the weather toddler you describe is completely normal.

If my mother said that about my child in the car she'd be walking home.

Oh please, her two year-old does not sound completely out of control. He sounds like a perfectly normal two year-old. If your toddler has never tried to climb on you when you’re on the floor doing something else, you’re the one with the unusual toddler.

The plumber had to rescue my two year-old today because while we were playing horsey she decided to stand up on my back. And lean onto the back of a chair. But last week she ran off with another toddler outside nursery and when I said come back she said ‘ok mummy’ and came back, while the other toddler kept running. I did not decide I was supermum based on that. Two year olds are absolutely unpredictable. People don’t get to call them twats for it.

When she going?!

YANBU

Sounds like a lot of grandmas I know.
Really? You mix in interesting circles. I don't know one who would speak about their DGC like that. Every grandmother I know adores their DGC even whilst accepting their minor shortcomings.

If my mother said that about my child in the car she'd be walking home.

And her bags would be packed ready for her when she got there.

pallisers

Oh no I do but only about the language used.

Don’t let her stay, she sounds toxic. My DM is a pain in the arse too, she always has some sort of snide remark so I try not to see her too much as a result. I wouldn’t forgive anyone calling my toddler a twat...