Friend keeps expecting lifts

[MissMoan]

My friend lives in my direction (with a 15 minute detour) and she has started just following my to my car when we are out together (social or exercise class). She doesn't even ask for a lift but expects it, and I've had to amend plans to go in her direction when I wanted to pop elsewhere (e.g., a supermarket or to see family which are not in the same direction). I've even let her know that I had other plans afterwards, however it's then 'too late for a bus' so I feel guilty and scrap my plans to take her home instead. I don't mind giving lifts at all when I am going in that direction, but it's really bothering me that she doesn't even ask. And then I feel like the awkward one! How can I gently get her to understand that she can't rely on lifts all the time? Or am I simply BU?

Make it a regular long supermarket shop

I would regularly be going somewhere else straight after - shopping or something - whether I am or not. If she starts heading towards your car tell her you won’t be able to take her because you’re not going straight home. If she complains about getting the bus then just say ‘sorry, d’you need my phone to ring a taxi?’. Don’t let her guilt trip you into taking her! She’s assuming because she knows you will give her a lift - even when it means going out of your way and changing your own plans.

At the end of class, just say "right, I'm off to the supermarket/family etc now...

How does she get to the class?
How does she get around the rest of the time?

She’s taking the piss-don’t let her!

I also like the idea of telling her you need to go to Tesco/wherever on the way then leaving her in the car while you do a lengthy weekly shop. I reckon she’d get the bus after that 😂

Tell her in advance so she can make other plans to get home. Tell her you will often have plans after the class. Tell her you have often cancelled them to give he a lift home but have realised that you can't keep doing this as you aren't getting stuff done that you need to. Tell her this in person, not text.
She probably doesn't realise what an impact she is having. If she DOES realise and just doesn't care then she isn't really a friend, so no need to give her a lift anyway.

If she thinks getting a lift home is a regular thing now (and she does) she will (rightly or wrongly) feel dumped in it if you land it on her that there is no lift that night. So explain all this in advance.

Having said that, if she still feels aggrieved she's not a real friend.

She’d probably say ‘oh can I put a couple of bits in the trolley?’, then proceed to do half a week’s worth of shopping and never pay you back for it. So I’d be wary of going anywhere near a supermarket with her...

No don’t tell her before, just address it at the time that you’re not going home. If she still gets in the car, take her to the supermarket for a big shop, leave her in the car while you go visit an elderly relative, take her to Pick the kids up... leave her at the airport while you go for a weekend break 😂 I’d have some fun with it

I wouldn’t say before hand that you can’t give a lift, as the above poster says, that implies that a formal arrangement is already in place for you to chauffeur her.

Stick to,your guns, and do’t Give in.

I agree, if you are going to the supermarket, take her with you if she kicks up a fuss.

Have a local taxi firms number on you so when you tell her you can’t give her a lift and she says there’s no buses whip out the number and say here you go give them a call.

Very rude and gives us non car drivers a bad name. Text her beforehand, saying tgat toy cannot give her a lift, as you have plans after, she is to get a bus or taxi. I have to get a bus or taxix to my excercise class. If it's too late for the bus she has to wait for the next one like everyone else.

Or just say no yiu have plans, if she says it's too late for the bus, tell her the taxi number or wait for the next bus, what a rude CF.

Why make up a lie to offload this leech ?
Say, "You know, I don't mind giving you the occasional lift if I'm planning to go home, but this is not always the case, so you need to have your own plans to get home, I am not your chauffeur

also, tell her it will cost X amount, (equivalent of taxi fare) as it is not convenient, it costs you money & you she is rude & taking you for granted

She is very rude, and entitled,and is relying on your nice nature not to say no. Say no I am not on your way, I have plans, you will have to wait for another bus or get the taxi.

You are enabling her by cancelling your plans for her convenience

Surely rather than not go to the shops you go for twice as long to really hammer the point home? ;)

At the end of class, just say "right, I'm off to the supermarket/family etc now...

This gets my vote. "I'll have to rush as I'm off to meet X/do Y, see you next week, bye!"

Where is this class? What are her other options for getting there/back? What was she doing before this started? (None of this is your problem, I'm just interested!)

I agree when class has finished say to her" see you later, bye, I have to dash to get to the supermarket, visit a friend etc" By giving in to her, you are enabling her CF behaviour. Yes I say this as a non car driver (I am learning at the moment), I always have a couple of taxi numbers in my head just in case I miss the bus. Never on gods earth would I do what she is doing.

Get in the car, drive to your moms or wherever you're going and go in and do what you're doing and leave her in the car. Won't need to do that very often.

I would avoid the supermarket excuse - you might end up with her coming in and also doing her shopping for which you will then have to possibly pay or even help her into her bloody house with it!!

Can you meet partner/mate/sibling for dinner or something?

I have a friend EXACTLY like this!

Best bet is to say you’re not going home! And don’t ever amend plans- if she follows you to your car and guilts you then go ahead with your normal plans. Leave her in the car whilst you go to the supermarket.

You need to grow a spine and keep it simple with her. 'I sometimes have plans after our class and am not going in your direction. Please be sure you have your own means to get home.x'

Wipe the word doormat from your forehead, grow a backbone, and just bloody SAY "No". Such a useful word. You can add other words to it as well to make whole sentences such as "No, I can't give you a lift as it's not convenient". And don't listen to the guilt trip bus nonsense. It's not your problem. End of.

I agree her missing her bus is not your problem, she should do classes that she is able to get to and from herself. She hasen't even asked you for a lift, just stands there by your car, what a CF of the highest order. You need to knock this on the head now, don't even take her to your friends, supermarket. Just no it is not convenient and leave her standing by your car whilst you drive off. When class is finished, "bye CF got to dash, off to supermarket, friend, family, shopping, see you next week",

....and if she tries to guilt trip you or even get cross, I would act all perplexed “but we have never made a proper arrangement like this. You have never asked - just assumed. I have changed my plans several times to take you home but my timetable during the week has changed so it makes it better for me to run errands after this class”.

And the killer....”its not my responsibility to get you home!”