Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance AIBU?

82 replies

Daisy1175 · 22/01/2019 17:31

I lost my Dad end of last year and have received an inheritance, I put a sizeable chunk into my DD's account.
DH thinks I am wrong by not doing the same for DSD, firstly I couldn't afford the same, so would have to halves it, secondly it was my DD's GD and therefore I think for my DD, Thirdly I don't want to!!
AIBU?

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 22/01/2019 17:32

I would agree with you.

LovingLola · 22/01/2019 17:32

No. I think you are not wrong. Presumably your dsd has grandparents of her own who may leave her an inheritance.
Your father, his inheritance to you, your child. End of.

7yo7yo · 22/01/2019 17:33

In fact I’d put most into a trust for my Dd.

Seline · 22/01/2019 17:33

Have you raised DSD as a daughter since she was young?

I don't think you're being unreasonable unless it's one of those cases where the step child has effectively been adopted by the step parent.

PrettyLovely1 · 22/01/2019 17:33

No of course yanbu. Stand your ground.

LittleGoose000 · 22/01/2019 17:34

I don't think you. If your dsd gets an inheritance from her grandad it wouldn't be split between them!

TheBigBangRocks · 22/01/2019 17:35

I agree your inheritance so yours to do as you please.

From his point of view you've shown you aren't a blended family and see them as different and given his stance presumably his salary is family money and not his own. I'd be ensuring my salary provided her with the same amount to ensure they had an equal start to adult life and wouldn't be funding the other child until that was done.

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/01/2019 17:35

I think it would depend on if I was raising DSD and if she had family that could leave her inheritance. Not any easy question at all.

Somerville · 22/01/2019 17:36

This is the kind of thing that needs to be discussed before families are blended TBH.

In my family we view all the children as ours and treat them completely equally, but there will be as many different answers to this are there are differing family dynamics.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 22/01/2019 17:37

Yanbu

lalalalyra · 22/01/2019 17:38

It totally depends on your circumstances with your DSD.

If I had an inheritance than absolutely DS(S) would be treated the same. He's 18 and has called me mum for over 10 years. I've been his Mum and brough him up with DH.

If I'd had an inheritance six months after meeting DH then it would have been a different story.

Also amounts are relevant too. There's a big difference between giving one child 2k and one nothing than giving one child 200k and one nothing.

Original poster
Daisy1175 · 22/01/2019 17:39

DSD was 6 when we "blended".

She has grandparents of her own so will have Inheritance of her own which I would not expect to be shared.

I do pay a monthly same amount into both of their accounts (as does their dad).

I also feel this may set a precedent, my mother is fairly well off and elderly and I don't want to have to do the same with hers

OP posts:
Fairylea · 22/01/2019 17:40

I think it depends on your family set up / whether you’ve been a mum to dsd since she was little.

My dh is step dad to dd and has raised her as his own since she was 6 - she is now 16. If he did the same as you and left things to ds but not dd I would think that was outrageous. We all live together as a family.

NeverTwerkNaked · 22/01/2019 17:41

I think bigbang has a fair way of addressing this. It seems fair if your DH can redress this by setting aside an amount from his salary to build up a similar amount for DSD now.

Nicknacky · 22/01/2019 17:41

So will your daughter get a share of DSD’s grandparents inheritance?

jessstan2 · 22/01/2019 17:42

From what you've said in your last post, I think you were right, especially as you do pay into an account for your step daughter and she will eventually inherit from her grandparents.

NeverTwerkNaked · 22/01/2019 17:45

Also- my parents see my DSC as their grandchildren just as much as my children are. I absolutely expect that they will want the DSC to inherit too. My parents are far wealthier than DPs so this will only be a “one way” thing and that is fine.
The problem with real inequity is that it can really harm relationships. Do you want them to go into adult life as siblings or as people who feel very separate? Not easy questions to answer at all.

TheBigBangRocks · 22/01/2019 18:22

I think you are either a blended family or you are not. Given your stance on this, perhaps that's not the case. Your DH can choose to accept that or ensure he takes his own steps so that he protects his child.

Presumably he finances your daughter as she lives with you full time, it must be galling for him to realise you don't see his daughter in the same light.

The I don't want to comment is very telling.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 22/01/2019 18:28

The fact that you are already deliberately planning on making sure your dsd doesn’t get further inheritance at any point from your mum is very telling.
Personally I’m with the others, you’re either a blended family or you’re not and I believe in treating kids equally. But hey, it’s your life but prepare for serious fallout here and yes - these are the sorts of things you should really discuss before you join families together and take on the responsibility of other people’s children.

ISdads · 22/01/2019 18:35

You can always even things out once all gparents have passed away if you choose to

I can see both sides here but unless we were a totally long term blended family and I was sure dh would do the same (you could be divorced by then for example, sorry to be pessimistic but what would happen in that situation?)

Would your dm gift the money direct to your dd?

Theworldisfullofgs · 22/01/2019 18:38

It depends whether you think of your step daughter as yours? You daughter didn't inherit, you did and then you chose what to do with it.
I presume from your post your daughter is both yours and your dh. Therefore you don't have a child which is yours alone?
If the shoe was on the other foot would you be happy with your child having this treatment? If so fine.
If you DHs parents won the lottery would you be happy if they have a sizeable chunk to your sdd but not your dd?

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 22/01/2019 18:44

I think that in your circumstances you were not being unreasonable and I would have done the same.

Any inheritance I receive, or leave, will go just to my DS and not the DSC. DS just has me, no dad, and my parents. DSC have a Mum, a dad, 2 sets of grandparents and step grandparents etc etc. I want to leave all of my assets to my DS. Maybe I would feel differently if the circumstances were different.

donajimena · 22/01/2019 18:49

I wouldn't. My OHs family are well off. I wouldn't expect him to pass any of his fathers estate either. I don't believe in this you are either blended or not.
Also while this may sound awful my family would only want my children to benefit.

BlueLuna · 22/01/2019 18:57

How old is DSD now?

Original poster
Daisy1175 · 22/01/2019 18:58

I have been in DSD's life for 7 years, she does not live with us full time she is 50/50 shared.

I think it's more telling about my relationship perhaps with DH, that I'm more looking at securing my DD's future as I'm not 100% sure of our longevity

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.