Inheritance AIBU?

[Daisy1175]

I lost my Dad end of last year and have received an inheritance, I put a sizeable chunk into my DD's account.
DH thinks I am wrong by not doing the same for DSD, firstly I couldn't afford the same, so would have to halves it, secondly it was my DD's GD and therefore I think for my DD, Thirdly I don't want to!!
AIBU?

YANBU. And if your DH ever receives an inheritance he can do whatever he wants with it.

I do think it says a lot about your relationship.

I don’t think you’ve been unfair - your DD is inheriting from a grandparent. Your DSD will (hopefully) have her own grandparents she can inherit from.

He has a hell of a nerve to suggest it.

I would have not put any away for either child, treat them equally

Against the grain here but I think you should have given DSD something.

I inherited a few years ago and treated it as ‘family money’. If you expect your DH to share his money then you should share yours, that includes dependants.

I have 2dcs, and DP has 2dcs. We will split everything we jointly own between the 4 children but anything my DM leaves will only go to my children, and anything DP’s DM/DF leaves will only go to his.
Our parents love our collective children but I don’t think that either side see the non-bio relatives as their GC. We’re ok with that 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't think it's unreasonable, given where the money has come from.

YANBU - presumably DSD also has maternal grandparents who she will inherit from and where your DD won’t receive anything?

It’s not the same as supporting your children day to day by earning a salary. I’m assuming DSD and DD are both your DH’s children?

Both children will inherit from their biological grandparents. It’s not unfair.

if you expect your DH to share his money then you should share yours

^^ This.

If this was his inheritance, I'm guessing it would suddenly be family money.

I agree with @7yo7yo

Put your share into a trust for your dd

If you want them to see each other as sisters and the two of you as parents, treat them exactly equally.

You are doing the right thing. This is an inheritance from your DDs grandparents. There is an exclusive relationship between DSD and her grandparents.

Speak to your mum though and ask if she will leave money directly to your DD so the issue doesn’t arise.

Do what you want, but just don't pretend you're a blended family or you have any motherly feelings for her. And don't come back at christmas to post one of the dozens of "my MIL bought her step GC a lesser present, where do I bury her?" threads.

We are a blended family with my 2 DS and DH's DD (DSD). Any inherited money has gone into our family pot and our own wills have been constructed such that the three DCs will inherit a third each of our assets on the death of DH or me (whomever passes last). We have always tried to treat them equally within our family unit. My DS have no DF or GPs on that side so no inheritance for them there. DSD will likely inherit from her DM side of the family but that is neither here nor there. In our circumstances this felt right to us.

What would your father and what would your mother want to do?

Did they see DSD as their grandchild?

I have been in DSD's life for 7 years, she does not live with us full time she is 50/50 shared.

I think you should have given her something in that case, unless there are provisions in your wills that says that when DH dies all his family inheritance goes to his daughter and not a penny to you or your DD.

Are DD and DSD both adults? It's a complicated situation but I think you're right particularly as you aren't sure about the longevity of the relationship with DH (I assume you're not close enough with DSD to maintain a parent style relationship with her were you to split from DH).

Agree with @who pooped. I know if i inherit from my parents I would give a lump sum to my DC. I don't think I would be doing same for my SC. It's my kids grandparents. SC will inherit from their grandparents too. Whatever is then left after me and DH are no longer here will then be apportioned between the children.
Does your DH believe his parents will leave gifts for your children, would he give your kids a lump sum from his inheritance.
I would treat all the kids to something though.

Ah if you are not sure of your longevity then you are definitely right. Does he know you feel this way? Would that be the reason he thinks you are wrong, is he trying to get money aside now while you are together?

Surely your DSD might get inheritance from their mother’s side, which of course, your DD wouldn’t get. So YANBU.

You've been in her life longer than you haven't. Regardless of your relationship, it does seem sad that she got nothing. I assume your dad was also in her life.

If a dsc had been in my life since her early childhood and and the care had been 50/50 I would want to leave something to show that she was special.

Step daughter has maternal grandparents. I assume any inheritance from them would not be split with your daughter.

I assume you're not close enough with DSD to maintain a parent style relationship with her were you to split from DH

I hope they do have a close relationship otherwise it will have been pretty miserable for DSD living with in an environment since the age of 6 where she is for 50% of her life.