Inheritance AIBU?

[Daisy1175]

I lost my Dad end of last year and have received an inheritance, I put a sizeable chunk into my DD's account.
DH thinks I am wrong by not doing the same for DSD, firstly I couldn't afford the same, so would have to halves it, secondly it was my DD's GD and therefore I think for my DD, Thirdly I don't want to!!
AIBU?

This is one of those situations where there is no right or wrong answer. I personally would do the same as yourself, my sons would inherit from my side of the family & my dss would inherit from his mothers side. I have a great relationship with my dss as do my parents but he is not their grandchild & although I would treat him to something it would not be on the same scale as the way my own children would benefit from the money

How would you feel if DH got an inheritance from his parents and put a big chunk of it aside for DSD?

As long as you're ok with that, it seems fair.

YANBU

I would do exactly the same. And if my DH inherited some money in that situation, I would definitely not expect him to give a large chunk to any SC.

It's so different for different families. My dp has three form his first marriage and us one together. My child will inherit all of my weath when I die solely, and I made that clear when we got together. His children have access to his parents inheritance , from him and their mother's family.
I offered to start savings accounts for them but he/his ex refused my offer - so I only have one for my son. Their choice.
I've quoted this in my will as well so the disparity is explained for the children , as it was offered. I ahve however made arrangements to leave them tokens such as jewlarry etc etc.

Prob should have ironed it out before now. If he had left the money to dd directly it could not have been questioned. Anyway just agree from now on, money goes down each line

Is DSD your DD's step-sister or half-sister?

My Dad was very much an absentee father so was in neither of their lives. He met my DD 4 times at most and DSD once (if that)

If DSD were to inherit from her maternal GP's i would in no way shape or form expect my DD to receive anything.

I have used some of the inheritance on a family holiday in the summer and decorated both girls room to their choosing.

Your DD did not inherit. You did and have put a chunk of that money in your daughters name. You say you are not sure that your marriage will survive so what you have effectively done is taken from joint martial assets for the benefit of your daughter alone as if you had kept this money in the event of a divorce it would be part of the joint assets to be divided.

Your DD did not inherit. You did and have put a chunk of that money in your daughters name. You say you are not sure that your marriage will survive so what you have effectively done is taken from joint martial assets for the benefit of your daughter alone as if you had kept this money in the event of a divorce it would be part of the joint assets to be divided.

Good point and could be questioned.

FFS, you would be taking money away from your daughter to give to DSD because I guarantee when her maternal grandparents pass away the inheritance won’t be split with your daughter.

Blended families means things like holidays, days out, day to day standard of living. It doesn’t mean you’re suddenly entitled to a chunk of wealth from someone who is not related to you.

Would DSD's mum do the same for your DD? No. Is your DH annoyed that the money is now out of his reach?

Your DD did not inherit. You did and have put a chunk of that money in your daughters name. You say you are not sure that your marriage will survive so what you have effectively done is taken from joint martial assets for the benefit of your daughter alone as if you had kept this money in the event of a divorce it would be part of the joint assets to be divided.

Good point and could be questioned

When my Dad passed away, he made it very clear that everything he had would be split five ways between me and my brother and his three stepchildren. The step children came into our lives when they were 25+. I have a great deal of respect for my Dad for doing that. He sent a clear message that family is what you make it and his unselfish attitude is an example of how to build a family.

Mt brother and I have never benefited financially from my step siblings' parents' deaths so this is very much a one way street.

I think you should rethink your attitude

Is inheritance a marital asset? I didn't think it was, although am no expert.

YANBU - I have actually done the same.

I am also leaving everything of mine to my son and not DH as it will then pass down to DSS and I don't want that to happen.

We live as a blended family, but DSS has so many relatives and will get inheritance in the future, my son only has a very small immediate family and my instinct is to provide for him. DH can provide for DSS.

I thought with an inheritance as long as it was kept separate from joint finances it would not become an asset of the marriage.

It’s a shame part of the inheritance wasn’t left to your daughter directly. Could you speak to a solicitor and see where you stand int he event of a divorce.

However I totally agree that step children should not automatically inherit from the extra set of grandparents. It is different if they have a very good relationship with the grandparents who then decide to include them in the will. Bit as much as people pretend step families are always then same as blood/adopted families in most cases they just aren’t.

Is inheritance a marital asset?

They try for it not to be if possible, but it can be looked at yes.

So sorry for your loss op

Was your DSD close to your father?

I’m not sure if I would have included her by giving half, but I might have given her something if she had any kind of relationship with him.

If this was his inheritance, I'm guessing it would suddenly be family money.
Guessing, huh? What you mean is, you really have no idea.

Why are you paying money for your dsd every month, surely that should be her dad.
YANBU I usually say treat them all the same in case the step child other side of family can't leave the child anything. However, as she has rich gp's surely she will inherit off these.
Tell dh to speak to his dd family about inheritance, it isn't your problem.

YANBU - DSD has her own grandparents to inherit from. The simple fact is that life isn't fair and some people will get more than others. It's your choice, but DH doesn't have to like it either.

I think you have done entirely the right thing OP.

The children each have two sets of grandparents, for ease.

The daughter has lost one of 4, and has received some money. Were her father to lose parent (as commented earlier about his inheritance being considered family money) that would be another one of the 4 gone.

However were he to lose a parent, that parent would also be one of the dsd's 4, and as such both children would be equally eligible for a bit. So the comment about his inheritance being viewed differently is totally missing the point...it would be viewed differently because it is difficult! He is a parent of both.

And of course were dsd to lose a grandparent on her maternal side, the daughter would not be losing one of her 4 so wouldn't be eligible.

This is pretty simple really? The OP saves for her, and used some of the money to do nice things for her, but her 'duty' ends there

Why are you paying money for your dsd every month, surely that should be her dad.

I guess you missed the bit where OP says her DH does the same for both DC.

If it were me I would have put half into DSDs account and this is why -

1. My husband and I are a team and between us we have 5 children. That one is only biologically both of ours should not be relevant. If I inherited money it would be both mine and my husbands.
2. Although we paid maintenance for DSD until she reached adult hood, the hard fact is we have spent so so so much more on the children under this roof. We provide them with everything, really we only helped a bit to provide for DSD.
3. I would hate DSD not to feel equally loved and that is much more important than any other reason.
4. And lastly, I have no way of knowing what DSD may or my not inherit from her side of the family.