Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and second hand car seat.

99 replies

MeredithGrey1 · 22/01/2019 17:13

Genuinely not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not, also I know this wont be an issue for a while yet, but it’s just cropped up.

I’m 18 weeks pregnant with my first baby and MIL has told us that she has bought a car seat for the baby (for her car). This is a second hand car seat bought online from a stranger and she has no idea of the history although their advert did say it hasn’t been involved in an accident. The seat looks in good condition, she doesn’t know how old it is but it is an “iSize” (and came with a base), so it can’t be ancient.

I’ve read quite a bit about how you shouldn’t use second hand car seats, but I’m not sure how much to push it with her.

If I say something, she will definitely act as if I’m being a hysterical first time mum who doesn’t want anything second hand for the precious baby. This is absolutely not the issue, I have no issue with second hand things and intend to get most, if not all, of the baby’s clothes when they’re very little second hand. We were also looking at probably getting a second hand cot before my OH’s grandma kindly offered to get the cot for us.

My OH will 100% back me up if I choose to insist she not use it, but he thinks that the info about not using second hand car seats is probably mostly just the car seat manufacturers wanting to sell more car seats by saying there is a safety risk, and to be honest it is quite hard to tell whether or not he’s right. We will have a new car seat for our car, he just doesn't think its worth making his mum throw it out when it wont get used much anyway.

I’m taking a year off for maternity leave and plan on exclusively breast-feeding – I know this might very well change but currently I can’t think of many/any occasions where she will take the baby out in her car anyway, so it won’t get a lot of use at all for a while at least. Obviously I don’t want to put my baby in an unsafe car seat, so is it true that a second hand car seat where you don’t know the history for sure is an absolute no, and should I put my foot down over it?

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 22/01/2019 17:16

Will she be transporting the baby? If you don’t think she will, then it’s not an issue.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 22/01/2019 17:19

Leave her to it. Buy a travel system and she won't even need it anyway. Bf will put block to her playing dm to your baby anyway.

Original poster
MeredithGrey1 · 22/01/2019 17:21

@Maelstrop Well, not when they're very little I don't think, but its a car seat that lasts until the child is several years old so I imagine she will when they're a bit bigger. They live relatively near and I think will have expectations of quite a lot of time with the baby which I don't really have an issue with, other than the car seat.

OP posts:
StressedToTheMaxx · 22/01/2019 17:22

I have 2 dc. Both their cots where 2nd hand and lots of other stuff.
But I would never use a second hand car seat so you are not being an overprotective first time mother for a start.
If she won't use it I suppose it's not an issue.
But me personally I would have to clarify this with mil as she may buy a second hand carseat for the next stage up ie after newborn I think it's group 1 or something like that.

Purpleartichoke · 22/01/2019 17:22

Second hand car seats can only come from very trusted sources. That doesn’t even mean all family since you might have family who bought second-hand or used expired seats. You need to be very picky.

For pretty much anything else, second hand for babies is awesome. Things get used so briefly before you move on. Being picky about car seats is completely different than being a nervous first time mom.

Teddyreddy · 22/01/2019 17:24

Problem with a car seat is you can't see if the foam has been weakened or the straps damaged - and worst case scenario if it has and you have an accident is a seriously injured baby or worse. Cat seat manufacturers is to replace a car seat after every accident however minor even if there is no visible damage.

We have a 2nd hand car seat a trusted friend gave us, and generally buy loads of stuff 2nd hand including cot and pushchair - but there is no way I'd put my child in a 2nd hand car seat bought off a stranger.

Chocolateheaven123 · 22/01/2019 17:25

My son is 2 and still rear facing as I'm quite anal about car seat safety. Absolutely no way would I let my children in a car seat that's second hand. Just because someone says it's not been in an accident, you don't know for certain. It's non negotiable for me.

How likely is she to take the baby out in the car? If she did, could you just put your seat in her car?

WatchingFromTheWings · 22/01/2019 17:25

Second hand car seats and second hand cot mattresses were the only 2 things I refused to ever have when I had my 3 kids. You have no idea if the seat hasn't been involved in a bump/crash or not.

Teddyreddy · 22/01/2019 17:29

Sorry - car seat manufacturers advice is!

littledinaco · 22/01/2019 17:29

The risk is if it has been involved in an accident then there is the potential it won’t be safe.
I have used second hand seats but only from people that I know well and trust 100%.

I buy most things second hand but personally I wouldn’t use a second hand seat from a stranger. In terms of the advert saying it’s not been involved in an accident, they are hardly going to advertise it has!
Insurers replace car seats after a crash (even minor ones) leaving the temptation for some people to sell their old seat.

Obviously lots of people selling on-line are trustworthy, unfortunately lots aren’t. It’s not a risk I would be willing to take.

SarahET · 22/01/2019 17:31

If I'm honest I felt the same as you with our first but not so much by the second.

Have a good look at the car seat, take off the fabric cover, if it looks on good condition I wouldn't have a problem with it for the odd journey.

If you are uncomfortable with the idea though then there are loads of reasons for you to suggest she doesn't need it that won't sound over protective. I.e. Your car seat fits the travel system so they may as well take that when they babysit and then it'll fit into the buggy too or because they are so quick to change between cars why have an extra one cluttering up their house.

AirandMungBeans · 22/01/2019 17:33

Never let her put your his in a second hand car seat. A child Fromm work was put in one by grandparents (why is it always the grandparents?). They had an accident and the back of the seat broke away, injuring the child badly. It turned out that the seat had damage hidden by the plastic shell and should never have been sold. I have been told that the second hand seats on eBay tend to be those that had to be replaced due to accidents as they often don't show damage and people think it's a waste to bin them. Be firm and stick to your guns about this!

littledinaco · 22/01/2019 17:35

Have a good look at the car seat, take off the fabric cover, if it looks on good condition I wouldn't have a problem with it for the odd journey.

Unfortunately looking won’t tell you if the seat has been weakened or compromised in any way. There is no way of knowing if the seat will perform as it should in the event of a crash by examining it.

A crash can still happen on the ‘odd journey too’ so if you wouldn’t be happy to use it in your car on a daily basis then you shouldn’t be happy to use it occasionally. There is no way of knowing when/where an accident will happen.

Laiste · 22/01/2019 17:35

If I say something, she will definitely act as if I’m being a hysterical first time mum who doesn’t want anything second hand for the precious baby.

its a car seat that lasts until the child is several years old so I imagine she will when they're a bit bigger.

OK. It's a PITA but once you're a parent you have to stick your head above the parapet and have awkward conversations you don't want and stand up for what's best for your DC. It's all part of the journey of parenthood Grin

I'd wait till you're a lot further along (7 months ish) and then go to her with wide eyed concern to tell her you've just found out all about the dangers of 2nd hand car seats (and mattresses out of interest) and how sorry you are but she'll not be able to use the one she bought. But you know she'll understand as she wouldn't want to risk her GCs life ..... :)

DobbyLovesSocks · 22/01/2019 17:43

You should never use 2nd hand car seats. My friend used to work for maxi cosi and told me that it's not just blurb to sell more seats, you genuinely shouldn't use a 2nd hand seat unless you are positive you know where it's come from and can hand on heart say it's had no damage.
When we threw out DS's car seat, which was honestly in mint condition just had been outgrown, I cut the straps before I took it to the tip just in case someone picked it up.
As a parent you quickly learn to 'pick your battles' but this is a battle you need to have. You never know when you explain to MIL she might not have realised and be shocked

Hobnomit · 22/01/2019 17:48

Ours were like yours Dobby. Only been used a few times in hire cars, but we cut the straps when we threw them out too.

Tumblefluff · 22/01/2019 17:49

Cycle helmets and car seats should always 100% be brand new. If they've ever been dropped or involved in an accident the protection the offer can be seriously compromised. I may perhaps use second hand if it was from a trusted family member (who had bought from new). Babies are the most precious responsibility you'll ever have. Why risk it?

If it was me I would be expecting my DH to make it quite clear to his mother than this would categorically not be happening under any circumstances.

Cot mattresses which are second hand increase the risk of SIDs. Incidentally, as a soft sleeping surface, I wonder if the same might be true of car seats and similar? - anyone know?

stickyparrots · 22/01/2019 17:50

I think second hand baby stuff is a great idea....except for car seats and mattresses. Unless they are a direct relative or someone you trust.

SarahET · 22/01/2019 17:53

Do you really need to have the conversation with your MIL? I'd let your partner speak to her and explain why he's not comfortable, no reason it should come from you, it's his mum.

My husband was very insistent with his parents on not using a second hand seat. He used to irritate me a bit because he was so hung up on the car seat but didn't seem to think how safely he was driving was important and would always drive too close to the car in front.

ZogTheOrangeDragon · 22/01/2019 17:54

I’m pregnant with my fourth and wouldn’t use a second hand car seat.

Asdfghjklll · 22/01/2019 17:55

I would agree avoid 2nd hand car seats but in this case when it will benefit used maybe just leave it. As previously suggested take the cover off and inspect the polystyrene underneath - it gets damaged very easily. And take straps off and check all of them.

I personally would then use it but make clear to MIL that any other car seats must be bought new or will not be used.
Up to you though you have to go with what you are comfortable with.

TulipsInbloom1 · 22/01/2019 17:58

I don't even think it is worth bringing up yet. Put it out of your mind. if the need ever arises where your dc need to travel in her car without you then just tackle it then.

Mil bought one from a car boot (!!!), so the first time she ever drove dc alone, I arrived with the seat, and just said "Hi Mil, sorry I'm a total pain in the arse about carseats so dd needs to go into her own. Can you pop the door and I'll fit it now?"

blackteasplease · 22/01/2019 18:01

I never would have thought of cutting straps but its a good idea.

Tralala33 · 22/01/2019 18:03

Just buy a new seat to use in her car when the time comes. You then have control of what your baby sits in.