Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

MIL and second hand car seat.

99 replies

MeredithGrey1 · 22/01/2019 17:13

Genuinely not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not, also I know this wont be an issue for a while yet, but it’s just cropped up.

I’m 18 weeks pregnant with my first baby and MIL has told us that she has bought a car seat for the baby (for her car). This is a second hand car seat bought online from a stranger and she has no idea of the history although their advert did say it hasn’t been involved in an accident. The seat looks in good condition, she doesn’t know how old it is but it is an “iSize” (and came with a base), so it can’t be ancient.

I’ve read quite a bit about how you shouldn’t use second hand car seats, but I’m not sure how much to push it with her.

If I say something, she will definitely act as if I’m being a hysterical first time mum who doesn’t want anything second hand for the precious baby. This is absolutely not the issue, I have no issue with second hand things and intend to get most, if not all, of the baby’s clothes when they’re very little second hand. We were also looking at probably getting a second hand cot before my OH’s grandma kindly offered to get the cot for us.

My OH will 100% back me up if I choose to insist she not use it, but he thinks that the info about not using second hand car seats is probably mostly just the car seat manufacturers wanting to sell more car seats by saying there is a safety risk, and to be honest it is quite hard to tell whether or not he’s right. We will have a new car seat for our car, he just doesn't think its worth making his mum throw it out when it wont get used much anyway.

I’m taking a year off for maternity leave and plan on exclusively breast-feeding – I know this might very well change but currently I can’t think of many/any occasions where she will take the baby out in her car anyway, so it won’t get a lot of use at all for a while at least. Obviously I don’t want to put my baby in an unsafe car seat, so is it true that a second hand car seat where you don’t know the history for sure is an absolute no, and should I put my foot down over it?

OP posts:

Guineapiglet345 · 22/01/2019 21:54

I can’t believe people would buy a 2nd hand car seat off a stranger because they don’t think it should go to landfill!

A decent new car seat can be bought for a few hundred pounds, is your child’s life not worth a few hundred pounds?

peachgreen · 22/01/2019 22:13

@Guineapiglet345 I think the point is more that some people here would donate / give theirs away to a family who genuinely can't afford a new car seat. I don't think anyone is advocating buying second-hand if you can afford new.

zippey · 22/01/2019 22:27

A few hundred pounds is a lot of money to many people. I don’t have a problem with using a 2nd hand car seat. I think the risks and dangers are overstated.

EdtheBear · 22/01/2019 22:33

Guinepiglet.
They might only be a 'few hundred' pounds, but if your buying for multiple cars Mum, Dad and Granny you could easily be well over a grand.

The last car seat I bought was £400, no chance would I be paying that out for my parents car that LO is in less than an hour per week.
Some seats are so big and aquard to move that moving between cars isn't really an option.

MyDearSweetSummerChild · 22/01/2019 22:36

For me a car seat is SO important to get right. I had the same situation with my FIL although someone in his work was giving one away because someone had bumped his car in the car park so his wife wanted a new one.

It’s like a motorcycle helmet.... even if there are no signs of damage, if you’ve been in any sort of accident then it could have weakened the structure. For me It’s just not worth the risk.
You can pick up a very good car seat for under £100.

A car seat and a cot mattress are the 2 things I’d never suggest you buy second hand.

You’re baby’s parents and you have the right to say yes or no. You may find you’re doing it for a while until the roles in the roles life are determined. Do what you feel is right

importantkath · 22/01/2019 22:36

Car seats have a lifespan. Do not use it, please.

IconicWaffle · 22/01/2019 22:40

Foster carers are advised by SS not to use second hand car seats under any circumstances.

WetWipesGoInTheBin · 22/01/2019 22:50

OP if you get a chance to see the car seat cut the straps. It's drastic but you need to protect your baby (and any other related babies) from your MIL's foolishness.

Second hand car seats and old car seats are simply a no no.

smellsofelderberries · 22/01/2019 22:54

I bought a lot second hand for DD but car seat safety is a complete non-negotiable for DH and I, and would not have allowed this. I also have only twice let my own Mum drive DD anywhere as she quite often messes up the straps (when we drive somewhere together she will put DD in the car for me as I'm heavily pregnant) so I don't trust DD would be strapped in properly, and she also doesn't have a mobile phone so if something did happen she can't contact me/emergency services wouldn't be able to find me easily. Mum often acts like I'm being over protective (I have anxiety) and that I overreact. It's one of things though, a second hand car seat is fine. Until you get into an accident and the results could easily be catastrophic. I'd rather not take the chance.

RubyBoots7 · 22/01/2019 23:01

Things I would never buy second hand for a baby: mattresses and car seats.

There are a bunch of reasons, including you don't know for sure it hasn't been in an accident and even if it hasn't, the parts degrade over time from sunlight or even being stored in certain conditions (e.g. slightly damp or cold loft). Even washing them incorrectly, for example with particular detergents, can damage the structure of the materials.

Also someone please correct me if I'm wrong but I've not come across a car seat for newborns up to 'several years old'.

Beaniebaby4 · 22/01/2019 23:01

My MIL got a second hand one and didn’t see the problem. I said DD is not going in the car in that seat and sent her some info.
She got a new one, then new info came to light that the brand was no good and didn’t do well in crashes above 30mph so sent her that info and she stopped using it straight away. So we bought a new one and gave her the old one to use. Have said I’d rather pay for another seat for DD if needed rather then risk her safety when she grows out of the 0 seat but MIL is all fine with it now and asks about car seat stuff.
You’ve got this

limpbizkit · 22/01/2019 23:03

Agree with @frazzled

limpbizkit · 22/01/2019 23:05

@wetwipes how dramatic

limpbizkit · 22/01/2019 23:10

OP your MIL probably just doesn't realise the caution we apply nowadays. If your baby is likely to be driven by her just use your own seat and tell her why. You have your DH as back up. That bit is very important. With your DH on side I shouldn't think you'll have too many problems. There's a lot of scaremongering going on here though and a few very dramatic posts. Don't cut the bloody straps or cause a drama. Just be direct and tell her. Mention mattresses too casually so it doesn't seem personal. She's probably well intentioned

PrincessScarlett · 22/01/2019 23:21

Only use second hand car seats from a trusted source.

My in-laws bought a car seat from a car boot sale. Huge argument because I said they were not to use it. On closer inspection we found all the plastic under the cover was cracked and glued back together! In-laws still insisted seat was safe to use. They are bloody idiots!! And do not take my DC in their car.

ReaganSomerset · 22/01/2019 23:22

@rubyboots7 our car seat goes from newborn to seven. Some do go from newborn through to twelve.

Blondebakingmumma · 22/01/2019 23:40

My children are 3 and 1 and have only even been driven in our car. Do you foresee MIL looking after your kids?

If not, I wouldn’t bother with the car seat argument. If the time comes and she has to drive your kids for a once off you can tackle then. Transfer your seats to her car

Notmyusual80 · 22/01/2019 23:57

As others have said, you can’t tell by looking if there’s a weakness in the seat from a previous accident. There could also be minor cracks in the plastic internally that you can’t see.

My child was in a car seat in DM’s car when she had a minor accident (no injuries, thank goodness). First thing the insurer said was that she MUST dispose of the car seat immediately and obviously, the cost of the replacement was covered by the insurer.

DarkestPlace · 23/01/2019 01:12

I don’t think the safety advice should be ignored. The manufacturer of my DSs car seat will replace it for the lifetime of the seat should it be in any accidents. That isn’t a manufacturer that just wants to get sales by saying don’t buy second hand.....

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 23/01/2019 03:02

Our new car seat's polystyrene cracked after a while, replaced via the manufacturer for £30 =new seat.

Cokezeroisyummy · 23/01/2019 04:43

I had this discussion/argument with my inlaws about mattresses for my baby, they wanted me to use an old moses basket that had been stored God knows where. I explained it would need a new mattress and they thought I was insane! I didn't use it after, I got a new bedside cot. They have also recently announced they have set up a cot in their house for the baby. He will stay in that cot over my dead body because no way did they buy a brand new mattress. But I just nodded and smiled, because baby had no need to stay there and won't be staying there.

ReflectentMonatomism · 23/01/2019 06:25

I think because there wasn't as much car safety back when they had kids

Damon Hill was born in 1960. In this picture he looks about 2, so it’s probably around the time his father Graham, who is strapping Damon in, won his first world championship. It can safely be assumed that his father knew a thing or two about what happens in car accidents.

As can be seen from the picture, seats were commercially available, although fitting them was more complex in the era before rear seatbelts. My parents had seats like this for my brother and me in the mid 1960s: as I recall from looking at the fitments some years later, they were fitted to straps that bolted to the floor pan. I suspect that in a big accident they would have overloaded the top of the rear seat, but they’re certainly a lot better than nothing.

AhoyDelBoy · 23/01/2019 06:42

Only halfway through the first page but agree with what other posters have said. It’s a no. I thought I would share this from a car seat safety group I’m part of on FB
Oh the good old days ay!

motheroftinydragons · 23/01/2019 13:47

No way would I use a second hand car seat. Or cot mattress. Anything else, fine but those are safety things.

The only thing we did was bought our car seat new as part of our travel system and put it in the attic for 2 years between children. DD2 is using it now but it had a thorough check over first and obviously we know it hasn't been knocked or in an accident.

Flip

1 2 3 4