Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

MIL and second hand car seat.

99 replies

MeredithGrey1 · 22/01/2019 17:13

Genuinely not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not, also I know this wont be an issue for a while yet, but it’s just cropped up.

I’m 18 weeks pregnant with my first baby and MIL has told us that she has bought a car seat for the baby (for her car). This is a second hand car seat bought online from a stranger and she has no idea of the history although their advert did say it hasn’t been involved in an accident. The seat looks in good condition, she doesn’t know how old it is but it is an “iSize” (and came with a base), so it can’t be ancient.

I’ve read quite a bit about how you shouldn’t use second hand car seats, but I’m not sure how much to push it with her.

If I say something, she will definitely act as if I’m being a hysterical first time mum who doesn’t want anything second hand for the precious baby. This is absolutely not the issue, I have no issue with second hand things and intend to get most, if not all, of the baby’s clothes when they’re very little second hand. We were also looking at probably getting a second hand cot before my OH’s grandma kindly offered to get the cot for us.

My OH will 100% back me up if I choose to insist she not use it, but he thinks that the info about not using second hand car seats is probably mostly just the car seat manufacturers wanting to sell more car seats by saying there is a safety risk, and to be honest it is quite hard to tell whether or not he’s right. We will have a new car seat for our car, he just doesn't think its worth making his mum throw it out when it wont get used much anyway.

I’m taking a year off for maternity leave and plan on exclusively breast-feeding – I know this might very well change but currently I can’t think of many/any occasions where she will take the baby out in her car anyway, so it won’t get a lot of use at all for a while at least. Obviously I don’t want to put my baby in an unsafe car seat, so is it true that a second hand car seat where you don’t know the history for sure is an absolute no, and should I put my foot down over it?

OP posts:

QueenOfCatan · 22/01/2019 19:08

Definitely would never allow my child in a second hand seat (unless from a trusted source).

Sod what she may think about you being an overprotective today time mother, it's categorically not worth your child's safety!

I've had many arguments about car seats with my in laws, the pair of them (divorced) ganged up on me on one of the three occasions I've seen them together when dh was busy and were properly having a go at me about it when I was pregnant, fil was on eBay finding seats and shoving his phone in my face showing me the great "deals" and they were staying to raise their voices at my 'silliness' how I remained calm I do not know, dh walked in at that point and was not happy, I was also very pissed off. They both think I'm a stuck up cow because of it (despite the fact that everything else we bought was second hand bar the cheap ikea cot!) but they can think that. We are doing erf too and mil is currently getting arsey because she wants to buy a booster seat for DD for her car (aged just 2, so not even legal!) and doesn't understand why we won't let DD in her car

Original poster

MeredithGrey1 · 22/01/2019 19:08

Ok thanks everyone for the advice. I’ll get OH to speak to her about it.

Also just as a response to these two comments as well
OK. It's a PITA but once you're a parent you have to stick your head above the parapet and have awkward conversations you don't want and stand up for what's best for your DC

and certainly why would you go you the extent of risking your child’s safety to maintain politeness to a rude/dismissive person?

I know, I didn’t mean that I’d be willing to sacrifice safety to avoid an argument (probably didn’t make that clear in the OP) I just wasn’t sure whether I would actually be sacrificing safety, and whether this was a discussion worth having if you see what I mean. From most of the comments here it seems like it definitely is, so we will.

OP posts:

Hobnomit · 22/01/2019 19:17

waterrat

Im confused - why do people cut straps when they know the car seat hasn't been in an accident?
So they cannot be used second hand
Surely you would pass a car seat like that on to friends or family.
No. Never.

peachgreen · 22/01/2019 19:21

I'd never pass on a car seat. Even if I knew it hadn't been involved in an accident, if a child was harmed in an accident using my second hand car seat I would feel absolutely terrible. Everything else (besides mattresses) I'm happy to get second hand and pass on to someone else. But not car seats or mattresses.

JKCR2017 · 22/01/2019 19:21

Most things are fine to buy second hand, car seats are not something you should ever buy second hand unless you know the person you’re buying it from (family member or close relative) so you know t hasn’t been in an accident. The likelihood is that the car seat your mil has bought is fine but she doesn’t know that so I wouldn’t let your mil use it for your baby.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/01/2019 19:23

Just explain that because of safety issues you'd rather your baby use a new seat. Hopefully she will understand.

Frazzled2207 · 22/01/2019 19:27

I'll get flamed for this but I honestly think the risk of a second hand seat is over-egged so that manufacturers make you think you have to buy new. Yes it's a risk but a very small one-
Of course it's not unreasonable not to want to take that risk. If it looks in good nick it almost certainly is in good nick.

I also think 99% of people selling second hand car seats on eBay are doing it in good faith.

We bought new for ours children but bought second hand ones for occasional use by grandparents. All were later sold or given away on Facebook. Ridiculous for a perfectly good seat to go to landfill IMO.

blueluce85 · 22/01/2019 19:27

@hobnomit...why not? If they haven't been in an accident and you bought the seat new and hadn't dropped it and had been using it up until yesterday..... Why wouldn't you pass it on?

If you put it in storage for 6years in case another baby came along then I can understand why you wouldn't pass it on

raviolidreaming · 22/01/2019 19:32

I absolutely and completely agree that car seats should be new. I wouldn't even take one from a friend / family on the basis that I knew it hadn't been in a crash; what's to say someone didn't drop it when they were babysitting and not tell them, or it was dropped going through airport security for a holiday

HOWEVER, I certainly didn't and wouldn't cut the straps of my own and discard them. There are charities who will take them for families in need with no other options, and anyone who is looking through a rubbish tip for a car seat is unlikely to have a lot of gold standard safe options lined up. I would rather know mine went to use than was wasted and left a baby with one that had been damaged, or none at all.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 22/01/2019 19:33

How is a seat that was safe to hold your baby until he/she outgrew it suddenly unsafe the next day?

I hope someone somewhere is recycling all these millions of enormous bulky items that are gaily being sent off to the dump.

ItWentDownMyHeartHole · 22/01/2019 19:37

Cutting the straps off of a modern car seat that hasn’t been in any accident is a shocking thing to do. Pass it on or take it to the tip. But don’t vandalise it.

Neverender · 22/01/2019 19:39

You don't categorically know if it's been involved in an accident but I'm sure this is part of the whole new car seat marketing bullshit they pull to make you so scared that you buy a new one.

AlmostAlwyn · 22/01/2019 19:39

The i-size regulation came in in 2013 so it could possibly be as old as that. Most car seats will only last 6 years or so before the plastic will start to degrade and will no longer have the same protection level as when it was new. Have a look at the seat and see if you can find the manufacturer's label which will have a production date or an expiry date on it.

But as PPs have said, an absolutely trusted source would probably be ok (your judgement), but I'm not sure I would be comfortable trusting an unknown source. No good saying "99% of seats sold second hand are fine", if you're in an accident and you happen to be that 1%...

Teateaandmoretea · 22/01/2019 19:39

I think it's only occasional use anyway so it'll be fine. We've given all our second hand seats away and they've been snapped up.

On another part of MN undoubtedly now they are trilling about how 3yos should stand up on crowded buses for able bodied adults. It sure is a strange world MN.

AlisonW1982 · 22/01/2019 19:42

I'm glad you're pushing back on this OP. If there's a time to pick your battles, this is it (it's clearly against sane safety advice, and at 18 weeks buying it for excursions out alone with a baby is a bit overwhelming.. an odd choice of early equipment, and a stupid choice to buy from a stranger!).

Teateaandmoretea · 22/01/2019 19:42

Plus, not all car seats fit all cars, even universal ones. They need to be fitted in the car to be sure.

^^ this is important. My in laws are the king and queen of half arsed fitting.

zen1 · 22/01/2019 19:44

Advice from the RoSPA re car seats www.childcarseats.org.uk/choosing-using/choosing-child-car-seats/

MrsJane · 22/01/2019 19:47

Hmmm... tricky one. I'm all for second hand stuff but my car seats were always brand new. I guess anything can go wrong with any baby equipment but car seats seem different.

I wouldn't be keen but I wouldn't want to cause an argument either. Won't the baby be in your car seat for the first 12 months anyway?

emzw12 · 22/01/2019 19:47

There's two issues - the history of the car seat which you don't know and the expiry date of the car seat.
I'm car seat trained - fully and completely in all brands of car seat. All car seats and bases have an expiry date (basically the plastic perished and becomes brittle from being in the car / sunlight the whole time). There should be an orange sticker on the car seat and the base which will give you the info about the expiry date.
My MIL bought a second hand car seat which was awful. She used it with my niece who is older than my son but I wouldn't let her use it with my son. I said she had to use mine or I'd buy her a new one. End of! that was my decision I've seen all the videos about what happens when car seats go wrong.

EdtheBear · 22/01/2019 20:09

I'm another who thinks that the don't use a 2nd hand car seat thing is as much about selling more seats as anything else.

Far more seats will be just out grown than will have been involved in accidents. If its a decent seat keep it, I'd rather have a quality second hand seat than a cheap new one that passes the tests just and no more, esp for odd occasions in Grannies car. There will be times when things crop up and you need Granny to collect DC from nursery or somewhere.

Hobnomit · 22/01/2019 20:18

@ItWentDownMyHeartHole Of course it goes to the tip, put in the plastic recycling. But yes with straps cut and removed.

peachgreen · 22/01/2019 20:51

@raviolidreaming That's a good point. Knowing the history of my own car seat I will donate it to Home-Start to be passed on to a family in need. If they're unable to purchase new - which of course some people are I'd rather they had mine which I know hasn't been dropped / in an accident / through airport security. Thank you for making me reconsider.

Moo31 · 22/01/2019 21:03

I wouldn't use it. A car ran into the back of me a few months ago (at a junction so only traveling a few miles an hour). I had DS who was 10 months at the time in the car. Got home and called insurance company, going through the questions they asked did I have any passengers. Within 10 mins I had an e voucher for mothercare in my inbox for the current selling price of the car seat and isofix base to get a replacement. I hadn't even thought about it as the collision was such low impact but they said even the smallest bump can compromise the safety of car seats.

raviolidreaming · 22/01/2019 21:26

Thank you, @peachgreen. That's great to read

Surfskatefamily · 22/01/2019 21:32

If you dont want her to use it buy one for her car. Of course you can insist and im sure she will be happy for it as long as she doesnt have to fork out.
Anything im being insistent on on behalf of my precious first born, i simply say "im mama bear right now" in a lighthearted tone.
Though, there are plenty of very good second hand ones id personally have no issue using.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread