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Original poster

Falling out over £50

97 replies

ToddlerDecibels · 22/01/2019 17:00

My DM and her sister have had a falling out over a sum of money (£50)

DM owed my aunt the money as my aunt has been subsiding her with bits and bobs until her benefits money came through today. DM does a hell of a lot for her sister (she does the vast majority of her housework for her, does her shopping etc)

DM is on benefits due to a MH disability, £50 is a big chunk of the amount she gets which she receives fortnightly.

Aunt frogmarched (DM's wording not mine) her to the cash machine today to withdraw the £50. DM is now upset and stressed because whats left in her account is not going to last another fortnight, has left her short on an important bill and she wanted to be able to pay the amount back in instalments.

Who, if anybody, is being unreasonable? Both are annoyed. DM for aunt wanting the money back in one chunk, and aunt because DM was visibly annoyed.

OP posts:
BottleOfJameson · 22/01/2019 17:04

Did they not have an agreement as to when the money was going to be paid back?

Unless your DM has form for borrowing and never paying back or she really needed the money it seems like your aunt could have just accepted instalments but it's difficult to say without knowing them both.

Could you not lend your DM some money until her benefits come through?

BongoBingoBam · 22/01/2019 17:08

It's 50 quid. Both of them are being a bit unreasonable. Help your mum out now and tell her not to go to her sis in future.

Original poster
ToddlerDecibels · 22/01/2019 17:08

There was no agreement about whether it would be paid back in instalments or in one chunk, so a lack of clear communication.

DM doesn't borrow money in cash but if she has none she'll ask my aunt whether she'd be able to help her out with what she needs, some shopping here and there for example.

DM has always repaid her sister in full every time her sister has bought her anything, as well as being her (unpaid) cleaner.

So aunt gets a free cleaner and is still reimbursed for the shopping/coffees/whatever she's brought DM.

OP posts:
Perch · 22/01/2019 17:11

Your mum should stop cleaning for your aunt and clean for other people and charge accordingly.

DoneLikeAKipper · 22/01/2019 17:11

So aunt gets a free cleaner and is still reimbursed for the shopping/coffees/whatever she's brought DM.

So she stops doing that right now. If no one can lend her the money for her next bill, she’ll need to contact the bank or company to say so, before she gets into debt. Maybe a visit to the CAB?

Returnofthesmileybar · 22/01/2019 17:12

Neither, but there's an important lesson here, your dm should not borrow for your aunt again and the only cleaning I'd do for her would be to rinse my own mug after a cuppa, after that she could do her own cleaning.

Why is she cleaning for her?

Original poster
ToddlerDecibels · 22/01/2019 17:12

I'm going to help DM on Friday.

I don't know what to say to either of them other than I want to stay out of it, they've both been on the phone having a moan.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 22/01/2019 17:12

Well, she can stop cleaning for her, then!

OutPinked · 22/01/2019 17:12

The sister should have accepted instalments. My DP lends his sister money all of the time (to my annoyance) but he’d never demand the money back if he knew she was struggling. It’s mean spirited at best.

Maelstrop · 22/01/2019 17:14

So your dm stops being her unpaid servant. Or if your aunt wants her to still clean, then she starts paying to have it done which also helps your mum.

Original poster
ToddlerDecibels · 22/01/2019 17:15

She cleans for her because my aunt is lazy and takes advantage of the fact DM is in a shit place financially.

"Could you make my bed and do the floors please sister, and I'll get you some coffee/electric/shopping"

DM does it because she's low on coffee/electric/shopping at the time.

Then she's hit with a bill come payday.

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 22/01/2019 17:16

Send da a link to a cleaning agency.. Cf.

NoSquirrels · 22/01/2019 17:17

As for what to say to either of them, sympathise with your DM about it leaving her short but remind her she did owe the money so it would have needed to be repaid anyway. And not to borrow off aunt any more, and not to clean if she feels resentful.

Sympathise with your aunt that you understood she needed the money back but your mum was just a bit taken aback at paying it all back at once - is there a reason she needed it all this week? And then remind her gently that your mum does do a lot of non-financial stuff so she does try to give back what she receives it's just not always monetary.

Tell both of them to remember it would be silly to fall out with family over £50.

Original poster
ToddlerDecibels · 22/01/2019 17:18

Fwiw my DM has learning difficulties aswell as a MH problem.

I help her when I can but as she's close to her sister and I'm not around to see this on a weekly basis, I only hear about it later.

I tell her not to keep doing her cleaning or if she wanted to do the cleaning for payment then charge her accordingly, but DM says she doesn't feel right charging her.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 22/01/2019 17:19

"Could you make my bed and do the floors please sister, and I'll get you some coffee/electric/shopping"

Well that's a bit different! In which case your mum needs to tell her sister that she was cleaning in return for the money/food/electrics and so she doesn't actually owe her anything.

Original poster
ToddlerDecibels · 22/01/2019 17:20

There was no major reason aunt needed it back in one lump sum today. She knew it was DM's payday and remembered it was owed so wanted it back.

She's financially comfortable so wouldn't have missed it if it were paid in two halves but I appreciate it was owed regardless

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 22/01/2019 17:21

X-post. So your aunt is definitely just taking advantage of her sister who has poor MH and learning difficulties? How horrible.

AdoreTheBeach · 22/01/2019 17:23

Unfittunately, from your original post, if this was the understanding, then your aunt is correct in expecting to be repaid when the funds came in.

DM owed my aunt the money as my aunt has been subsiding her with bits and bobs until her benefits money came through today

So lack of clarity that should’ve been talk about at the time of your aunt paying for things.

Totally agree with PP, advise your mum not to clean for her sister going forward and to ask you, rather than aunt, if she needs things to tide her over until she has money - but with clear understanding when funds this get repaid (in one go or instalments).

Original poster
ToddlerDecibels · 22/01/2019 17:25

I do feel as though she takes advantage of my DM yes, absolutely.

I'm very much on mums side with this but aunt defends her position by saying she helps DM out a lot.

She does, in terms of getting her shopping or whatever when DM is short but it leaves DM in constant "debt" to her because come next week, once she's handed over £30-40-50 she's then in the red again and ends up being aunts skivvy because she's low on money again after taking a big hit to her budget.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToddlerDecibels · 22/01/2019 17:28

Have told DM (for what feels like the 100th time) not to borrow off her anymore and to ask us, she doesn't like coming to us for money because we have DC and a baby on the way.

I do understand where my aunt is coming from, money owed is money owed, but in light of everything DM does for her I think some leniency would've been kind especially as DM showed aunt her account balance and expressed a worry that handing over the £50 in one go would leave her short on a bill which was due.

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 22/01/2019 17:37

This sounds abusive, even unintentionally.

Missingstreetlife · 22/01/2019 17:37

Give your mum £50 if yo can afford it. Put it in a special box or purse and tell her to put it back on payday. Then that's her emergency money, not to be lent, to be spent by her and replaced each time. No more borrowing from auntie who should pay for work done. Could you be mums appointee? Safeguarding would investigate this, but it's a big stick for a small problem. Auntie is taking the piss and should be told.

Rudgie47 · 22/01/2019 17:38

DM needs to stop borrowing off her sister and doing jobs for her full stop. The sister is taking advantage of your Mum.

7yo7yo · 22/01/2019 17:42

Why aren’t you tell your aunt to stop taking advantage of your mum?

Returnofthesmileybar · 22/01/2019 17:43

Hang on second is this money owed money she actually borrowed? Your update makes it sound like your aunt said clean x, y, z and I'll buy you coffee/electric/food but then actually included whatever she bought as money owed, am I reading that right?

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