AIBU to give up MA, become a SAHM and move from London

[happywifey]

I am half way through an MA, I have been given a couple of years out (max time allowed) in which time I have a 16 month old DD via IVF. I am meant to be returning this month. Childcare has been a nightmare for us as DD didn't settle at nursery so we decided to go down the Part time nanny / childminder route but we haven't been able to find someone for the days I need cover for, and some of the applicants have been very poor indeed.

My DH has said he is happy if I want to leave my Masters and be a SAHM as he feels I would provide the best care, and we would not have to pay the fees for nanny or for the rest of my MA. He says I can just go back and retake everything again in the future ( I am 40 - so no spring chicken). I am starting another round of IVF in the next 2 months too.

The mother/ nurturer in me says parenting is the most important job I will ever do , and babies grow up so fast. Also, the IVF journey has been so tough, why leave her now if I don't need to. I am beginning another cycle of IVF soon, and I can always go back at a later stage and do my MA. I am financially dependent on DH but currently I don't need to return to work - I am self employed and my DH has a good salary. On top of all this I have also been seriously considering a move from London - Big city life is somewhat lacking the sense of community I yearn for. Perhaps somewhere in the Kent Countryside with good transport links to London, lots of space, nature, nice schools.

However, I , in my current mummy brain with breastfeeding , toddler groups and lack of sleep, am wondering if I am romanticising being a SAHM, furthermore, a SAHM living outside of London. I am not bored here, there is so much on offer but tbh I only see a small group of friends now as I have no evening social life. I am enjoying the social chit chat and the toddler groups though, playdates, the baby culture, and the wealth of things to do in London. Nonetheless, I was doing great in my MA and new career before I had my DD. I previously read loads and since having DD I haven't read a single book, and rarely even read the daily newspapers. The feminist in me is telling me to get out off my backside and go do my MA now, do a bit of work part time, stay in London with such good work opportunities and find some childcare fast. I will have regrets in the future if I don't...

Please let me know your thoughts and whether I am romanticising the SAHM life somewhat and just need a good kick up the backside or alternatively whether it all seems pretty reasonable?

I live in a fairly small town about 40 min commute from London there are at least 5 parks/playgrounds that I know of as well as fields, common/field accessible to the public, swimming pool, leisure centre, library, all manner of baby groups....in fact its people with teenage kids that complain there is nothing for them but for SAHMs with small it has almost everything you need.

Do it now.

From experience.

I would think about how childcare is going to work in a small village if you and your DH are both commuting to London.

Check what is available in your village BEFORE you move there - in my DM’s village, there’s no nursery (there are a couple in the town 5 miles away, but none of them are open before 8:30 or after 5pm). From the council website, childminders look to be similarly thin on the ground so school pickups would be a nightmare too.

I gave up a high paying job to be a sahm for 5 years now doing something related to what I was doing before but far more “me”. Taking time out is not the death knell to a career people tell you, those years are over soon enough and once gone they are GONE. Don’t regret my decision for a second loved being around while they were small.

In a worst case scenario in a few years of this situation you could be bored, under employed and a bit resentful that you didn't finish your masters.

I did a postgrad while on a waiting list for IVF and it was a really nice point of achievement in what was otherwise I very bleak year. You might find it a good distraction especially if it doesn't work first round.

In your position I'd be looking to my partner to see how they could help with the childcare issues. It's only one year of your lives but once it's done it's done. Then you can decide if you'd like to move out of London without making such a large sacrifice.