To say £300 is too much?

[jade19]

So my Boyfriend has this mobile game he likes playing. Over the past few weeks he has asked me a couple to transfer him £5 here or £10 there, so he can buy stuff on here. ( I'm not exactly sure what stuff, but im assuming it's lives or something like that.) Today he sat and asked me to put £300 from our savings over into his account so he can buy this " limited addition" thing on this game. And I immediately said no way.
He persisted for the rest of the evening, continuing to ask me and I said no.
In the end he asked me why he couldn't have it and I essentially listed why.

1. £300 is a lot of money to take out of our savings for a mobile game.
2. We have 2 children and we cant just spend £300 on something like.
3. I'm a few months time he will be bored of the game and it will get deleted from him phone and that money will be gone!

He claims if we take it out of our savings that we will get it back because he has a bonus coming later on in the year. But he bonus isnt guaranteed. I then also made the point that £300 can buy alot of stuff I mean that could buy loads of nappies for the kids or that could be a weekend away. And he some how, said that I said he was selfish.

AIBU for saying no? Did what I say come across as if I was saying he was selfish? (if that's the case then I need to think about how I say things in the future.)

Just incase your wondering, the reason he asks me for the money is because his wages go into his account and go out on bills and I claim any extra bits we get for the kids.
Also I know that you may be wondering why I agree to £5 or £10 but I won't agree to the £300. An that's becaus he works hard and I want to do things he enjoys and if that is £5 every now and then that's fine but £300 to me is just accessive.

Thanks x

It might be better to split money after paying for bills food etc 3 ways not 2:

Savings + Money For Him + Money For You

Why don't you get a joint account and have the bills paid out of there and the benefits paid into there? No one accesses that money though unless it is to buy food or petrol or mutually agreed budgeted for things. Then you can each have your own accounts that you can spend on whatever you like and when it's gone it's gone, no more tenners here and there.

What's the game and what does he want to buy?

jade19

Yes it would be, if you had to ask for it every time you needed food for the baby.

You say his wages are all use on household bills and you claim and control all of the rest of the money.

Why do you think it's right that you control the money and limit his access to it

It's not controlling if she needs to limit his access to money so he doesn't spend it on crap.

What if she gives him free reign to dip into as and when he likes and there's no money to pay the rent, electric, food etc because he's spent it all on games (or equally on books or other worthy but unessential pursuits).

All the wages, benefits etc could go into a joint account that is used to pay the bills and other essentials and not touched for anything else, and spending money for adults transferred to other accounts to be spent by the OP or her DH on their own personal treats as they see fit on a when it's gone it's gone basis. Not controlling and no-one is going to spend the rent money on real or virtual trinkets.

How isn't it controlling, she keeps all the spare money he uses all his money to pay the bills.

The fact that you offer an alternative fairer way of doing it is proof that she is being controlling, why should one person have the final say in what happens to the spare money that belongs to both of them.

Is she keeping the money? Or putting it in their savings account? It’s not the same thing.

It is if he doesn't have access and she controls access

If he’d blow £300 on game add ons while the kids went hungry, it’s not controlling, it’s self defence.

But that isn't what is been said is it, if that was the case he'd be spending his wage on himself rather than household bills, the spare cash is being controlled by one person who only allows their partner to spend it if they approve even down to a fiver, it is nothing less than controlling

Yes, that’s a good point. I was thinking about the £300, but you’re right about him having to ask for £5 when he wants it.

I agree 300 should be discussed especially if it's a significant amount of the spare cash. Personally I'd love 300 left after all our monthly bills but to others it will be small change

I'm a bit confused about pp's calling the OP 'controlling'. Whichever way you look at it, £300 is a lot of money to spend on a game, which only her OH will derive any enjoyment from. Just seems a bit selfish on his behalf.

It's not controlling in the least to object to spending a significant amount of money on a mobile game. I think you should probably agree an amount of spending money you each get OP that lives in your own personal accounts and each of you can spend that amount on whatever frivolous junk you want but the rest is for savings or family stuff.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess It stems from the fact he has to ask the OP if he wants even £5, not just the £300

But how often does he want the extra fivers? If it's more than very occasionally, it could still add up to enough to blow a hole in a tight budget. That's the point.

He seems to have no clue about prioritising spending so that essentials get paid for and only spending on trivialities once these have been covered.

BarbaraofSevillle
The essentials are paid for from his account so he has no problem prioritising essentials, his wages are used up paying the household bills, if he had a problem prioritising these wouldn't get paid.
Would you be happy to not have any access to your money and to have to get approval for every pound you spend? I know i wouldnt like having to ask someone for my access to my money.
Unless there is a drip feed coming then this is what happens, his wages go on bills, OP controls all their spare cash and he had to ask for it.

£300 is a lot of money, all I have to say is I have experienced this myself.
My boyfriend was telling me he was transferring money for his playstation games or phone games but in reality the majority of it was being gambled away - £300 was the lower end of what he gambled, he just thought that telling me (when I found out) that it was for games was better than the alternative.

I'd have a sit down and a conversation with him and ask why he thinks he needs to spend that amount of money and that you are a bit worried it is some kind of addiction (gaming OR gambling) just to get to the bottom of it all!
I hope you find some answers soon OP!

YANBU

YANBU. £300 on something that essentially doesn't exist is outrageous. Those games can be so addictive, my friend's son ran up hundreds of pounds on her phone bill charging stuff to her mobile.

In saying that he is an adult and he is entitled to spend his money how he wants and I would say that to him - I would absolutely split any left over money so he can do what he wants with his own money. It's good that he came to you about it rather than went behind your back but these games can be so bloody addictive it might be worth having a look at Gamblers Anonymous with him and see if he identifies with anything? Because this stuff gets out of hand so bloody quickly.

Zombie thread.

No mobile game costs £300?!! He is gambling! Tell him to show you this "game" I'm pretty sure its gambling. Get him help. Do not give him any more money. The money needs to be there to pay the bills and feed and clothe everyone. Not for "games".