To say £300 is too much?

[jade19]

So my Boyfriend has this mobile game he likes playing. Over the past few weeks he has asked me a couple to transfer him £5 here or £10 there, so he can buy stuff on here. ( I'm not exactly sure what stuff, but im assuming it's lives or something like that.) Today he sat and asked me to put £300 from our savings over into his account so he can buy this " limited addition" thing on this game. And I immediately said no way.
He persisted for the rest of the evening, continuing to ask me and I said no.
In the end he asked me why he couldn't have it and I essentially listed why.

1. £300 is a lot of money to take out of our savings for a mobile game.
2. We have 2 children and we cant just spend £300 on something like.
3. I'm a few months time he will be bored of the game and it will get deleted from him phone and that money will be gone!

He claims if we take it out of our savings that we will get it back because he has a bonus coming later on in the year. But he bonus isnt guaranteed. I then also made the point that £300 can buy alot of stuff I mean that could buy loads of nappies for the kids or that could be a weekend away. And he some how, said that I said he was selfish.

AIBU for saying no? Did what I say come across as if I was saying he was selfish? (if that's the case then I need to think about how I say things in the future.)

Just incase your wondering, the reason he asks me for the money is because his wages go into his account and go out on bills and I claim any extra bits we get for the kids.
Also I know that you may be wondering why I agree to £5 or £10 but I won't agree to the £300. An that's becaus he works hard and I want to do things he enjoys and if that is £5 every now and then that's fine but £300 to me is just accessive.

Thanks x

My DP was always on their mobile playing games and thought nothing more of it - passed the time, they enjoyed it etc. I was beside him when an email came through from the company he got the game from - a notification with the heading of 'Invoice'. It transpired that this game was now costing £15 a day - building up armies and defences and winning wars - type of thing.

I eventually discovered that it had cost £1,300 over the past year when we were meant to be saving. He was also shocked when we added it up - he thought a small amount here and there was fine. He also admitted that he had a problem and the game took over his thinking most of the day and he was checking his phone (at work too) to see if his army was ok!!
I then read a lot about gaming addiction and the games suck you in, they are programmed to start off small, give you endorphins from winning, they send you reminders when you've not been online for a while.
So I would be concerned about the money when you've got small children but I'd be more concerned that this was an addiction. I'm also surprised that he needs this amount in one go which makes me wonder if it's gambling.
Good luck but my advice is to ask to see exactly what it is that's using the family money and for him to face up to what is actually happening.

@Monty27

The OP didn't say he was gambling.

A lot of games are free but you can buy gems or tokens or armour or whatever to get ahead. I assume it was that kind of spending.

I play a few online games but I never spend money on them. My husband admitted he had bought a few things for Candy Crush.

Like the OP, I don't mind a bit of spending on games like a few pounds here and there, maybe up to a tenner a month, but anything more than that is just wrong. Even if we had loads of money, I'd just consider it too wasteful.

At least we agree on something then. Wasting money.
I'm not a 'gamer' clearly but having millennials as DC's I can understand how much things cost

Do you ever get to spend that sort of money just for you, not for family? Clothes, shoes, beauty treatments??

If not, then it's unreasonable for him to spend that much on something that is only for him...

Maybe some budgeting is needed so you both know how much you have as spending money that won't eat into savings, but give you bit of independence without having to ask for each thing that is a want, not a need.

That is a stupidly huge chunk of money for a game!

I agree with PPs suggestion of giving him a monthly sum (much less than £300) that he can use however he likes, but in this situation he’s being an idiot.

Wow. Is he 10 years old? WTF? He wants to buy 'lives' and 'limited edition' shit for his virtual world. Are there really adults who do this kind of thing? He needs to grow up.

Many mobile games have eye-wateringly priced IAP, purchases in the games. It's really not uncommon for subscriptions of £20+ a month, or individual purchases to reach insane heights (highest single figure I've seen was £250, £100 is commonplace).

@1200calsaday nails it how this develops too.

You need to sort out your finances. Both partners should have some pocket money to use on whatever. You think that a game is ridiculous, he might think that make up is ridiculous. You both need an account with money to spend on yourself, no questions asked. The amount doesn't have to be high, he can save it up for a big purchase if he likes.

I think he had an addiction. He should see his gp I would continue to control finances until he stops spending on hid game. Ask him what the game is. Is it some sort of betting?

@WhiteDust oh yes, and it's not stopping soon. In 2017 gaming received more money than the rest of the entertainment industry (including film, video, music) combined.

I agree with the others who said they'd want to know exactly what it is that requires £300. I know these sorts of games can get expensive with in game purchases but I really don't know why you'd need to pay £300 upfront?

I'd be more concerned though that he doesn't understand why spending that sort of money on that sort of thing is such a waste. What would he even get for the 300 quid? How long would it even last before he'd want more money for it.

Also you say about a fiver here and there, can you go back and see how much he's spent on the game so far?

I play one of these games and yes I do spend probably about £15 weekly on it. The way I see it that’s the price of going to the cinema (which I never do, as I don’t like it!) or a takeaway or similar. The entertainment I get from the game is worth it to me. I always said I would never spend money on phone games (I play on my iPad) but this one did suck me in! There are packs available to buy for £100 but I wouldn’t go that far! But my children are grown up. I earn enough money for this indulgence and I do keep to a limit. Theoretically I could afford it but I wouldn’t spend £300 like that either. I don’t think it does mean he’s betting in any way. It would be more than possible to spend £300 on my game. I just wouldn’t. But there are plenty that do. These games are huge in Asia. I agree the best thing is for him to have his own amount of spending money each month and he then has the choice how to spend it.

Mobile gaming is deceptive. The games might be free, but they nag players to buy upgrades, or make it almost impossible to complete levels without buying extras, and the cost soon mounts up. It's probably cheaper to buy a full pc or console game than to continually pay for the upgrades and extras on the 'free' ones.

Wow. I have seen stuff on these freemium games at this price but thought they were joke purchased as no one would ever want to spend that much on them...

My whole family likes and plays games but I think the most we've ever paid is £5 for Minecraft!

yes we have an equal personal spends allowance that is set to also allow for savings. no restrictions on what it's spent on.

Is it one of The Walking Dead mobile games by any chance? That's the kind of spending required to "git gud" in that game. Monthly.

I like the idea of splitting any left over money. it's definetly something I will do in future

^ This, but money leftover after^

all bills have been paid
all food and travel sorted
all DCs expenses (clothes, school stuff, days out etc etc)
all annual/irregular expenses are saved for, ie Christmas, holidays, insurances, broken cars, pets, washing machines etc etc
some money saved 'just because' ie in case you lose your job, or need to save up for something big, home decoration etc.

then after you have provided for all the above can you decide on spending on trivia for adults and that money is split 50/50 and you can both spend it as you like with no judgement from the other. And if he wants to spend hundreds of pounds on pointless digital crap, then that's fine.

I think the game is a red herring.

You both need your own spending money to spend as you wish. Without judgement.

Dh and I put all our money into one joint account. All the bills etc come out of this. We then transfer an equal amount of spending money to our own single accounts. We can spend this on whatever we like - mine mostly goes on costas and cakes etc (!) and dh tends to save his and spends it on expensive boots etc! In theory this could be £300 on a computer game, it doesn’t really matter.

I think your financial set up is causing the difficulties rather than the thing itself.

Freemium games are the worst. Their gameplay is designed to be basic but addictive.

I’m a gamer, I really do class these mobile games as one step up from the machines at bookies.

YANBU

Really? £300? How about taking your kids away for a night and having a lovely time creating memory's ? I think if my DH argued with me after saying no and didn't understand why id leave him over that.

£300 for new clothes? Sure
£300 for a nice watch? Sure

£300 to sit on your phone ignore me & DC?? Don't think so.

YANBU. He needs to grow the fuck up.