To say £300 is too much?

[jade19]

So my Boyfriend has this mobile game he likes playing. Over the past few weeks he has asked me a couple to transfer him £5 here or £10 there, so he can buy stuff on here. ( I'm not exactly sure what stuff, but im assuming it's lives or something like that.) Today he sat and asked me to put £300 from our savings over into his account so he can buy this " limited addition" thing on this game. And I immediately said no way.
He persisted for the rest of the evening, continuing to ask me and I said no.
In the end he asked me why he couldn't have it and I essentially listed why.

1. £300 is a lot of money to take out of our savings for a mobile game.
2. We have 2 children and we cant just spend £300 on something like.
3. I'm a few months time he will be bored of the game and it will get deleted from him phone and that money will be gone!

He claims if we take it out of our savings that we will get it back because he has a bonus coming later on in the year. But he bonus isnt guaranteed. I then also made the point that £300 can buy alot of stuff I mean that could buy loads of nappies for the kids or that could be a weekend away. And he some how, said that I said he was selfish.

AIBU for saying no? Did what I say come across as if I was saying he was selfish? (if that's the case then I need to think about how I say things in the future.)

Just incase your wondering, the reason he asks me for the money is because his wages go into his account and go out on bills and I claim any extra bits we get for the kids.
Also I know that you may be wondering why I agree to £5 or £10 but I won't agree to the £300. An that's becaus he works hard and I want to do things he enjoys and if that is £5 every now and then that's fine but £300 to me is just accessive.

Thanks x

Doesn’t make any difference if it’s a gaming site or a gambling site, they are quite similar and equally addictive. He needs to grow up and stop spending money on nothing, if anything it is worse than gambling because he’s not gaining anything from it, there’s no chance of him winning any money back, he’s just chucking money away.

I agree that there is a difference between spending £300 on luxury material goods - you might still be using a good handbag or jewellery in 10 years time. It's no different to spending it on a theatre tickets/concert/festival though, really. You can argue that those experiences are more "worthy" but it's actually quite subjective.

I have to agree that £300 on a mobile game (esp if it's actually online gambling) is a horrible waste of money if you're on a limited budget though.

Those posters saying that he must be gambling. Nope. I've seen games with in app purchases come up with options of spending up to £1000.They're hugely addictive if you've got an addictive personality (I do - and am quick to transfer my addiction onto something new - so don't/can't play them). Often the most unlikely looking games hook people in.

YANBU OP. If he's into these sorts of games it is far better in my opinion to spend £5.99 on a game with no in app purchases. There are loads of good ones. I'd say to just switch off the option for in app purchases and password protect it, but he's not a kid and so needs to be in charge of his own spending. But a joint pot of squandering money - as has been suggested - seems like a good plan.

p.s. I do think though that gaming tends to be massively looked down on. I don't see it as any different from spending money on going to the cinema or buying a load of books. There's a cultural snobbery about it.

YANBU, I completely agree with you.

The odd £5 or £10 is fine, but £300 seems excessive, especially when you have young DC. He needs to stop badgering you for money!

Suprised your a family with children I thought teenagers when I first read the OP.

When you have children to provide for its ridiculous he would even consider this never mind sulk over it.

I would hope it's not for 'extra lives' as most games can be fooled into giving lives by putting the time on the device forward.

(bold that just incase it solves some of the spending)

We used to do this on candy crush. Many years ago before having children! Wouldn't spend real money on a pretend world even back then!

Not sure I understand the financial set up here, @jade19. Do you both already have an allocated amount of spending money each and he's asking you for an addition £5/10 on top of that every so often?

If the money you give him does come out of your own spending fund, does he pay it back?

The top Xbox PS4 games are £50/60

£300????

It might not necessarily be gambling. A lot of games require the purchase of "boosters" or in-world money ("gems", "Township cash" or whatever it is they use on the Game of Thrones app) etc. to speed up or enhance the game play. I myself wasted about £120 on Seeker's Notes when I was laid up in bed for a week.

The important point was that it was my money I was wasting, not my boyfriend's. If you can't make him see that what he's doing is wrong, you just need to cut him off, and SAY NO.

These games are designed to be addictive. What worked for me was my boyfriend changing my Apple ID so I couldn't purchase any more boosters.

Just incase your wondering, the reason he asks me for the money is because his wages go into his account and go out on bills and I claim any extra bits we get for the kids

The OP specifically states that the man is responsible for paying the bills so there's no point making it sound like he doesn't know the value of money because he gets none It sounds to me like the OP gets tax credits/CB paid to her and that's her only source of income. The man should seriously grow up and sling his hook asking to spend £300 on a stupid game. That's pathetic.

I do think though that gaming tends to be massively looked down on. I don't see it as any different from spending money on going to the cinema or buying a load of books. There's a cultural snobbery about it

^^ This

Also the argument that you could buy console games cheaper is not really valid. You can't really carry your console around with you and play in your lunch break or whatever. With my game I usually play for 20 minutes in bed with a coffee before getting up. Check in at lunchtime for 10 minutes and do a couple of bits. And maybe another 20 mins in bed at night. a console wouldn't work the same for me. I have plenty of free time so an hour a day playing is one of my "hobbies" the same as spending time crafting or sewing, which I also do.

I do 100% agree that he should not be spending £300. Most definitely.
But playing my game is a valid hobby to me, the same as any of my other hobbies.

Omg your relationship seems like mother and child. Tell him to grow up, u have 2 kids ffs. 300 for some pathetic computer game not on.

Sort out your budget so you have all the household expenses listed and paid for (fixed bills, food, things for kids activities, clothing etc - split any expenses that come once a year into 12 monthly amounts e.g. Christmas).

Then give each other the same amount of money for guilt-free spending. When it's gone it's gone.

There is a definite snobbery about computer games on mumsnet.

If someone said they spent £300 on a handbag or a pile of books that would be okay, but if it’s on a computer game everyone throws about the whole “what a child” thing. It’s just another form of hobby, entertainment, pleasure etc.

£300 is a really huge amount of money regardless of how 'limited edition' something is. I play a lot of games but this would be flashing alarm bells at me and I would be checking he isn't gambling.

If someone said they spent £300 on a handbag or a pile of books that would be okay, but if it’s on a computer game everyone throws about the whole “what a child” thing. It’s just another form of hobby, entertainment, pleasure etc.

Personally, I'd think that was a ridiculous amount to spend on a bag but, I suppose that, once you've got it, at least you can use it for years or sell it on if you grow bored of it. At that price, I'd assume it had a label.

I am going to try to work out an amount of money he can 'squander' each month. I always worry that because I claim the additional money that I look as though I'm controlling, but it's reall, not the case. I try my best to make sure he has things he enjoys because he works hard whilst trying to build up our savings.
Thank you for those of you that have gave me your input and nade suggestions.

Can you not sit with him and discuss what it is he's trying to do and the value of £300 in terms of your family? Kids need educating about money and its value, it's not covered in school education enough.

I’m not a fan of my teenage DS spending his allowance on what I perceive to be a waste of money e.g gaming accessories but I don’t stop him although I couldn’t stop making disparaging comments about spending £70 on some limited edition special bonus feature recently released PC game which he had saved up for. (i’m Only human!) OK, it’s not £300 but the principle is the same. Mutually agreed discretionary spending (if your household budget allows) means judgment free spending.

It is interesting what people deem "worthy" spends. I've just been clearing my wardrobe and have found things like a £100 dress I've worn twice. Now it doesn't fit anymore! Yes I could sell it but what will I get for it? £5? Maybe £10 at best. I can't really be bothered with the hassle of setting up a listing on ebay, having to deal with that, then having to go to the post office to send it off, for the sake of £10? I'll probably just give it to a charity shop. Luckily I am much more frugal when it comes to clothing now but I dread to think how much money I've wasted on clothes.

Someone up thread said they'd be ok with someone spending £300 on a watch. My ex bought one of the first apple watches. He hardly used it and didn't even take it when he went. I didn't realise until I found it in a drawer a few months back. I looked up whether I could sell it. Apparently I wouldn't get more than £50 for it. It cost £700!

Very few of us don't waste money on "something". This is why people need their own money (within the budget) to spend as they wish, and not be made to feel bad about it.

why are you being so controlling with money that he has to ask for a fiver or a tenner, all his wages goes on monthly bills and you control all the spare money, that is not on and sounds like financial abuse if he's having to ask for money like that.

@onlyjoinedforthisthread I am in no way financially abusing my partner! it is simply the case of I claim the money it goes into my account and I pay all the other bills, do food shops, buy all the birthday/ Christmas ect presents, i buy the kids clothes ect.
If he says I need money I give it to him without a moment thought. We are on a tight budget and I'm trying to be sensible. If/when he receives his bonus he takes when HE wants from it and give me the rest to put away.

£300 could buy an entire console for the whole family to game on. Not just an add on.

Bonkers.

Him having to ask for money is controlling however you like to try and paint it

@onlyjoinedforthisthread So if I needed an extra £10, for to get some baby milk and he had it in his account and I had to ask for it, does that mean he is financially abusing me? Because that's exactly the same situation as this...