To ask if you regretted Wedding spend?

[FeelingFlat]

I'm getting married this year (date quite set can't do another time or year)

I'm completely stuck on type of wedding.

I have two options-

Small immediate family, lunch after that may or may not spread into drinks into the evening.

Big white traditional wedding with most extended family and friends invited at a cost of approx £20k (more likely to tip over than under 20k)

Whilst we can afford the big wedding it would literally leave us on zero savings.

Heart says big wedding, head says small.

Has anyone ever had regrets after a small or big wedding?! Wished you had done the opposite afterwards?

To not drip feed and to make this easier please understand that there's no inbetween wedding or budget we would be happy with despite looking at many options.

Help me decide

Go small and simple. Then you can always have a party for other friends and family if you really want to.
You will (probably!) look back one day and think about what you could have spent all that big wedding money on. The main thing is you love your husband-to-be and he loves you. The rest is just ‘trimmings’.

I think 20 grand is crazy money unless you are v wealthy.

If you can find a nice hall for a venue then you can organise a lot of the other stuff - catered buffet, cheesy DJ etc quite cheaply.

I agree so much with the happy couple, frippery- we are very much in love and feel very lucky to have large families and large circle of friends whom we are very close to - throwing a party in London for 100 people with good food and drink is expensive (maybe not sit down meal 20k expensive)
But a nice venue not too far from church with those numbers and food and drink is expensive:(

I would ask yourself "what is the appeal with a big / small wedding"? I had a big wedding because i've lived in loads of different places and saw it as the one day in my life when friends and family would all meet. People came from all over the world and it's great speaking about friends to family now because they now know the people I'm talking about.This couldn't be replicated with a smaller day.

That said, others I know are attracted to the traditions of the wedding day which can perhaps be replicated with a smaller guest list (eg traditional dress; specific venue etc). So what do you most want from your day? And will you get that with small wedding?

@FeelingFlat have you tried this site?

Tons of venues on here, this was just the top one but you can take own alcohol and the hire is pretty cheap...
www.tagvenue.com/rooms/london/3523/78-bishopsgate-st-ethelburgas/the-nave?event-offer=wedding

Dud you see www.apiarystudios.org which I posted upthread?
It doesn’t look much but I went to a fantastic party here and the staff were amazing, they have a wedding licence and they can provide caterers or you could bring people in.

We did the small option and had an amazing honeymoon.

We were very relaxed, no fuss or stress or arguments. It was perfect and we definitely made the right choice for us.

If you don't want to out the church, where are the nearest tube stations?

Nope, £200 well spent. Still married nearly 10 years later so consider it a success! Have no interest in spending money on one day of my life when it could pay for a house deposit, a car, a holiday, whatever...

We had 15 guests and got married at 4pm so we only had to feed everyone once and IT. WAS. PERFECT.
Honestly, the planning and whole day was so stress-free, we could do loads of lovely personal touches that wouldn't have been practical with a big wedding, we all sat round one large table for the meal... I can't imagine a more beautiful magical day and we had everything we wanted without having to spend a great deal. Small weddings are the best!

There must be community centres/church halls in London you can hire? Late afternoon wedding, photographer for just a few hours, catered buffet, band, buy loads of wine when it's 25% off at the supermarket, ushers wear their own suits and you can buy them a matching tie or just the buttonhole... loads you can do to throw a good party for 100.

I'm currently planning my 40th - party for 150 including hog roast, band, hall hire and wine, beer and soft drinks and looking at around £2500. Not having a paid bar but telling people we will provide the wine and beer and BYO if they want anything else!

Unpopular opinion but I actually wish I sent more on my wedding. I had a medium sized wedding, 60 people invited and cost around £10k. I'm not a person that throws parties, or dresses up, or does fancy things, we rarely even go out to a restaurant (not because of cost - just don't get around to it I suppose). It was amazing to do those things for once! I had such a good time.

There were a few things that I didn't have, as I thought it was a ridiculous expense at the time. For example, a band vs a dj. But looking back, I now either have the money in the bank or spent it on something else I could have done without. I could have spent a bit more and be in the same financial position, iyswim. I could have splashed out a bit and not worried.

But that wasn't the last of our savings, and we still had a large house deposit left, so maybe a bit different to your situation.

Mine was £12K for 120 guests. If I ever did it again the areas I would cut back/cut out of the budget would be:

• veil - wanted to do the traditional thing but it was hugely expensive for what it was. Wouldn't have one again
• dress - I'd cut back on the cost of this and go for something simpler
• favours - waste of money and time spent sourcing them
• decorations - I didn't have chair covers and didn't miss them. Anything personalised/themed (napkins, table confetti, etc) again no one remembers the details and it all ends up in landfill
• photography - will you put lots of pictures up? Will they still be on display years later? Will you regularly look at albums? Look around the homes of married people you know. Cutting back the photography cuts back the hanging around time for guests (big plus)
• guest books - rarely does everyone actually sign it and if they've been drinking the messages might not be ones you want to keep for posterity
• wedding cars - simpler dress doesn't require a big car. I'd probably get a cab
• flowers - would only have had simple bouquet and limited buttonholes

I would though spend on

• food & drink. Overcater. Late afternoon ceremony, one meal and supper for everyone. No separate evening invites
• thank you letters to every guest and make them personal not generic. Don't leave the guest wondering if you know what they got you. If they didn't give you a gift, thank them for sharing the day

I got married early 90’s when I was relatively young. My parents paid - Dad offered me the money if we basically eloped, or to pay for a wedding. I never considered anything except having a wedding. We had 80-100 people, fairly lavish etc.

I am in touch still with hardly any of the guests, and close to only a small handful.
I agonised over the photographer: haven’t looked at my photos in over 15 years.
My dress has been boxed up from the morning after the wedding.
I don’t remember any of the day in detail,

Logically I regret it, and I know if we got married now I would do it very differently. But I’m older now, relationships change, I think your circle of friends can reduce (but intensify), and sadly extended older family reduces also, so I don’t think it is a true comparison.

On the other hand, we started married life with zilch, no savings. But we had reasonable jobs, and in those days you could buy a house on an average salary so we were making a decision in a different climate.

i remember all of my honeymoon and am grateful everyday for DH.

I think I would be sick and have a nervous breakdown spending 20 grand on a wedding.

I would do up my house, get a new car and have a nice family holiday if I had that kind of money.

I hate big white weddings, they are so cookie cutter and they all blend into one, no matter how much I love the b&g. I have been to two 35k weddings and they were fairly identical, and one 100k wedding that wasn't much different, only obviously bigger and they had a red arrows flypast!

Best I've been to was wedding at 12.30 (very pretty registry office), lunch and all done and dusted by 6pm. Plentiful food free drinks and no waiting for the b&g for photos. Plus the happiness of the couple just oozed from every pore.

Hugely expensive wedding, best day of my life and will never ever regret the money spent

Keep in mind the only thing that matters is the promise you make to each other. The rest really is just window dressing.

We went small, the same 50 guests day for day and evening. My DM went halves, PIL (well off) gave us nothing. Had a big engagement ring and an exotic honeymoon instead. No regrets.

If a big wedding wipes all your savings you can’t afford it basically

You need savings ( I know not everyone has them ) but you need that buffer

£7k 1991. Loved every minute of it and it was the best day of my life. Money went on: marquee, catering and booze (fizz pimms and beer) 100 guests. The sun shone, the 1/2 marquee almost glistened at the back of the house.

Modest frock and going away outfit with one bm
Family cars
Friend and mother did flowers incl bouquet
Church did church flowers
Friend did cake
String quartet played from 5-9
Late wedding so one sit down meal and party

The church ceremony was very spiritual and far more magical than money coukd have bought.

No ludicrous hens, did own make-up, favours weren't a thing, nice damask napkibs and cloths did the trick.

Looking at our photos, some of which are still up, we are still in touch with most of our mutual friends who shared our day. Hoping soon the sensible weddings of our children and godchildren and other special young people who were then largely but twinkles soon begin.

We had a big wedding because we wanted everyone there. It was the traditional wedding of the time. If I was getting married now I'd go for something more informal because there are more options for large and informal now.
I think some of it depends upon whether you want everyone at the actual ceremony although if it is a church wedding that is not a problem. I think just having a big party afterwards is fine, As long as there is drink, food and music and you give people a good time, people are not bothered about formal meals etc.

image how you could use 20k in a really meaningful way. You may be saving up for a house, planning children, how many holidays could you have with this kind of money.

To spend it on one day is just crazy esp if it wipes out your savings. No way I would do this. But I am one for sticking up the middle finger to convention and not being pressured by others' expectations. I have friends who had big weddings as they felt they had to for the sake of family and friends.

We eloped by the way and did it for less than £500. I don't regret a thing.

I would go small and save the money.
Very few friends I am still in contact with.
Still see all the family.
Cheaper dress, no vail and probably a party in the back yard rather than a big reception.
Spend the money on the honeymoon.
I also don’t look at photos.

Small without a doubt. £20k on one day is madness, it could be used for so much more than what is essentially a party and decorations. It's a house deposit, chid uni fees, savings for a job loss etc.

Given how many marriages don't last, imagine the regret if the wedding cost that much.