Aibu if someone offers to take you out for a meal

[lastqueenofscotland]

For a birthday as a treat, is the implication that they are paying and you are not going Dutch?

fee of enlightenment!

Before you dump him, offer to take him out, your treat. Go to the toilet at the end of the meal and don’t go back!!

That’s really shit of him!

My husband and I never split the bill, whoever decides on the place usually pays.

I like rather expensive places that he would never choose so I always pay for them as I significantly out earn him.

I think if I am invited anywhere I would never assume anybody else was prepared to foot the bill unless they specifically told me so.

If I did not have the funds I would not go. But this applies to friends/family members.

If my DP did this in the way you describe on my Birthday I think I'd be reconsidering my position.

Op at this stage he should be trying to impress you. If this is his best, what will he be like in five years time??

Ditch the tight arse.

I'd be not seeing him again for that what a complete tight wad.

Ltb

he sounds mean...
you deserve better x

Wow! Just wow,

This is a new boyfriend on your birthday...

He essentially tricked you. The phrase I'm treating you... Means they pay... Always.. Unless they're shits who are tricking you...

At various times, had this happened to me, I couldn't pay my flat rental

I was all on the same page as checking who was paying (eg oh can't afford there, don't be silly my treat etc) but the fact that it's your oh, new or not I would always assume that they would pay on your birthday!

Super tight unless you know of a good reason why he's skint (and he still should have mentioned that)

Firstly, I wouldn't agree to go somewhere fancy if it meant I wouldn't struggle to pay my half. I would just suggest somewhere cheaper.

However, given the drip feed, I would have expected my boyfriend to be paying especially with that wording.

Finally, I would have called him out on it. I would have said there and then, you said you were taking me out to treat my for my birthday... now your handing my half the cash? I wouldn't have stayed with someone who made be think they were taking me out for a treat and then made me pay. Friends different but I would expect differently from a boyfriend.

yeah that would be a massive issue for me. Is he always a tight git or is this unusual behaviour for him?

Just get rid of him. That was quite a dirty trick of his because he really did frame it as if he were paying. You shouldn't have to second guess or double check, etc the way he put it. He didn't treat you to shit.

Bin him.

Usually I would expect to pay my share but having seen your update, I would absolutely have expected him to pay. As you have a few doubts already, I think this would make me view him in a negative enough way to reassess the relationship.

Glad to hear it has sealed the deal and you are planning to dump him.

How on earth was that a treat?? Dump him and is tell him why. Being tight like that is not attractive.

In what way was that a treat? Was his company his treat for you?

And if he says on social media anything like "Took my girlfriend out to dinner for her birthday" make sure you add "Yes, but I had to pay for it!"

Think of it as him giving you a very cheap treat... you know what he's like now, imagine if you'd invested more time and money in him only for that to surface. Sure, the meal was more than you wanted to pay, but it beats sorting out legal fees. I like it when people are transparently shit, the decision making process is a no brainer.

What an idiot. I’d dump him just for being stupid enough to think that’s how you treat someone.

If someone takes you out for a meal they should pay, otherwise they're not taking you out. They're accompanying you.

Given his restaurant treat was the delight of his company rather than the tab being picked up - what did he buy you as an actual present? It better bloody well have been the moon on a stick with encrusted diamonds for his behaviour to be excusable.

If it's a relatively new relationship, he should have asked if you had plans for your birthday and if you didn't, whether you felt like going out for dinner together. The bit that is a turn off is not that that he didn't pay, but that he implied he was going to then suddenly didn't. That would have been shitty behaviour towards a friend, but it's especially shitty towards a skint girlfriend.

Incidentally, did his half in cash include the service charge, or were you expected to make that up?

This dude is such a cheeky fucker, he was probably expecting OP to pay him a service charge.

Jesus. Dump the tight bastard.

So the treat was his company. You could have had that at the McDonald’s drive through. If he has other redeeming qualities I’d give him a warning.

“I’ll take you to lunch at fancy pants gastropub for your birthday as a treat”

Wowsers. And when he handed you his half in cash you didn't say "Hang on, I thought this was your treat for my birthday?"

What a tightarse he sounds. Of course any boyfriend (new or otherwise) is not obliged to pay for your birthday meal out but if he invites by saying he'll "take you as a treat", then of course you should be able to express your surprise. That you couldn't sounds less about the fact that the relationship is new, and more about the fact that you're already a bit resigned to him being spectacularly ungenerous. "A bit tight" in the early stages of a relationship is bad news...