Aibu if someone offers to take you out for a meal

[lastqueenofscotland]

For a birthday as a treat, is the implication that they are paying and you are not going Dutch?

If someone offers to 'take you out' for a meal ( and it also happens to be your Birthday) of course they pay
However if someone suggests going out together for lunch / dinner ( note the slightly different wording) then it should be Dutch

Yes when it was planned the phrase “I’ll take you to lunch at fancy pants gastropub for your birthday as a treat” so I assumed they would be paying
When the bill cane they asked if I had my card and handed me their half in cash

I would always offer - and be pleasantly surprised if they insisted on paying

that phrasing clearly means 'I am paying, you are not' and they are being a CF.

Who is this person?

It was my DP (fairly new relationship) he does have form for being a bit tight so probably should have ironed it out before

Right, that's totally unambiguous. And the fact it's your boyfriend (sorry, but if it's a new relationship like fuck is he a partner) is even more worrying. Make sure he is your ex-boyfriend before it gets to the actual partner stage.

Oh that's not nice of them!! If they're inviting you out and wanting you to pay your way they should have stated that!!
We had similar with in-laws, asked when we could go out for dp birthday meal, they always pay for the birthday person but this time didn't, we couldn't really afford to eat out and would have gone out just me him and our lo if we had of known, I had asked dp to give me the bank card just incase so I could pay for us all, I had the money on me for mine xx

And this is a new boyfriend

Blimey, he's generous

He said 'treat' it was your birthday and he asked you to pay

Ugh call me shallow but what a turn off....

I've learned from my own experiences that when you are "invited" to dinner ...ALWAYS take money with you so there is no nasty/embarrassing surprise when the bill comes and you realise you have to pay and it wasn't that kind of invite..

It's happened to me a few times (and luckily I always had money with me)

Also another thing I've learnt to discuss before hand is this going Dutch thing...it sounds fair enough until you realise the other persons bill will add up to more than yours (and meaning you are paying more than you would have if you just paid for your own and they are getting their meal out cheaper)..

I'm sick of it happening to me with friends so when asked out I always make sure payment is discussed beforehand so there is no nasty surprises and so that everyone is aware that I'm only paying for what I eat and drink (when splitting the bill I once had to pay for courses I didn't even have because the others did have them)

Your new boyfriend wouldn't pay for lunch on your birthday? Ltb op

Get rid
That was very clearly worded as his treat on your birthday.

Fuck me, how tightfisted of him! His wording 100% suggested that he was paying.

U should of said from the start it was a new boyfriend..

Makes a difference

It’s not really about the money/this incident, it’s about his underhand way of getting you to do something that you would not have done.

I wasn’t sure if I was being a brat about it but I was a bit cheesed off. My ex was hugely generous in a financial sense but used to use it as an excuse to Be a complete workaholic and refuse to do anything/go anywhere where he couldn’t be working st the same time

‘My treat’ means they are paying.

at it being your boyfriend! Didn’t you say anything when he asked for your half?

If overall he's a decent man then get this sorted pronto, but if you're not not sure about him in other ways, get rid.

Financial compatibility (by which I mean thinking about money in similar ways, not earning the same) may not be terribly sexy or romantic but is pretty essential to a long term relationship, if that's what you're after.

I think no matter how it's worded, I wouldn't actually go for a meal if I could afford to foot my bill.

My husband isn't always the most generous where money is concerned but he would never do that!!

That's unattractive.

and yes, why didn't you say something there and then: 'you said this was your treat. I can't afford this place!'. Don't be a doormat.

I would have said-I thought you said this was your treat and then seen what he’d said.

It's an awkward situation knowing if you'll have to pay. The use of 'treat' is strongly suggestive of that person paying. Though we've seem on these boards time and time again how people misinterpret everyday words.

Best to assume you're paying. If the place suggested is too expensive for you say that. If they intend to pay they'll say at that point.

First of all, this is not a 'DP'. He's just a new boyfriend. He is also a totally shit one. And he has a 'tendency' to be cheap. No, sweetheart, he is cheap. Please get rid of him. You're not being a brat. Do the Freedom Programme before dating again because it seems like you're picking duds for men.

What your boyfriend did was incredibly poor form.

Get rid.

'I've had a think about it and this relationship isn't working for me anymore. I'm stunned you invited me out for a meal at any expensive restaurant of your choosing as a treat for my birthday and then expected me to pay half. You're tight and I'm not interested in a relationship with a tight person. Goodbye.'

Yep - cheap and mean, massive red flag - meanness is not a trait you want to learn to live with, it really doesn't bode well for the future and would become a nightmare if you ever had kids. Walk whilst you still can..

If the phrase 'birthday treat' was used, I would have assumed he was paying. He sounds like a tight arse. This wont change. I would be heading for the door - someone who is tight with money is very unattractive