Aibu if someone offers to take you out for a meal

[lastqueenofscotland]

For a birthday as a treat, is the implication that they are paying and you are not going Dutch?

I wouldn't do that to a woman friend, so certainly wouldn't expect a bf to act like that. He's a cheap shit, wanting all the kudos of taking you out for a fancy lunch, then expecting you to pay for your own. Did he give you a birthday present? Cheap or good?

The gilt came off the gingerbread for me with someone I'd been seeing, for Christmas I bought him a really expensive sweater (well over £100) and he gave me a shitty little plaque he'd made. When I told him he was a cheap shit he said that was what he'd given everyone because people loved getting personal gifts that someone has put time into 😂 Cheapskates depend on everyone being too polite to challenge their bullshit.

As a birthday treat, I would expect them to pay. Even more so a partner. I would dump him. I pay my way, I treat my partners and if they don't want to treat me then adios. I did used to stick it out and raise it, they would change but quickly went back to their cheap ways.

I’ll take you to lunch at fancy pants gastropub for your birthday as a treat

Both the phrases 'I'll take you' and 'as a treat' very VERY strongly imply that they're paying.

If you wanted to be utterly clear then you could say at that point 'You mean you're picking up the bill?', but really, I don't think one should have to.

I would expect to pay for myself unless the person said it was on them.

The way he worded it sounded like he was definitely offering to pay for your meal

That is not a good start to a relationship. Tight arse. I would have taken that as he is treating you.

The word 'treat' sort of suggests that they are paying. But even so, I'd try to steer it to a restaurant where I knew I'd like the food. And I'd have my share of the bill ready to pay, just in case the word treat was used too loosely!

That was really worded in a way the infers he was paying.

If he wasn't then it was inferred that you need 'taking' somewhere and his 'treat' was giving you someone to go with. Like a women needs a man to go to somewhere nice for dinner.
What a hero! Nope!

I would get rid too. And tell him why. There is much better out there!

Ok your update makes a big difference and yes, he definitely should have paid and since he is your ‘d’p you should really have said that he’d offered to take you for a birthday treat.

I hope he has some pretty food redeeming features because meanness is very, very unlikeable.

‘My treat’ definitely means he should’ve paid.

I’d have a conversation but I’d be thinking days are numbered. Tightness is an awful trait and innseeps in to many areas and life with him will be hard.

I’m generous and like to help my family and friends where I can. If my DH didn’t want to do the same it would cause too much friction.

It does imply that the person inviting you is paying, but even more so when it's your partner!

That would be the end of the relationship for me frankly, I can't deal with tight people. Battling over money is the last thing accept in a relationship.

MN is weird, but in the world I live in, people who invite you for diner don't expect you to pay for diner or drinks, people do favour to each other without expecting payment, people invite you to stay over without showing you a bill, no one is as obsessed with counting the pennies and paranoid about someone taking advantage as some MN posters are.

Dump him now, and view what you've paid as a fee for enlightenment. Tight people are experts at ducking and diving and manipulating a situation to make sure others are left holding the bill, so he will end up costing you much, much more if you stick with him.

Dump him now, and view what you've paid as a fee for enlightenment.

😅

He sounds a right catch.

I’ve had a right giggle at fee of enlightenment. I’ve had a few doubts but I think this has sealed the deal

It was your new boyfriend and on your birthday! My goodness

happened to me once...aunty offered to take me out for a bday lunch and then when the bill came she calcualted her own half. Bear in mind she picked the restaurant and offered to take me there! Either way, I didn't make a fuss, I paid my share, but now know to double check or refuse in the future. I personally think it is a bit cheeky though...I would never offer to take someone out as a treat if I had no intention of paying for them.

In your shoes, I’d re-evaluate the relationship. And then I’d end it.

You deserve much better, OP.

I’ll take you to lunch at fancy pants gastropub for your birthday as a treat

Both the phrases 'I'll take you' and 'as a treat' very VERY strongly imply that they're paying

This. I would 110% not expect to pay.

I wouldn't have accepted if I couldn't afford to go anyway, just in case. Unless they literally said 'my treat'

omg...sorry to be dramatic but your DP doing that is a dumpable offence! I would get rid, it's a bad sign of things to come. How does he not feel embarrassed by his actions?!!?!?

Take it back, it was a treat! There certainly wouldn't be a next date

I would check it out.
I went out last year in a group ( originally to be 6 people) and the person who I did all the arrangements for said he would pay for everything. He always talks about how rich he is , how much money he makes . all his properties etc. He then added 4 more people. The restaurant could not accommodate that ( probably fire regulations ) so he told his wife to stay in the hotel .
He paid for his extra friends. Did not pay for the 4 he had offered to pay for in the first place. The bill was split between everyone and he and his mates had the most expensive options on the menu....FFS not doing that again.
SO WITH THE BENEFIT OF HINDSIGHT CHECK...

Definitely get rid. The early days are when everyone's on their best behaviour...if this is as good as it gets then no thank you!

Oh and belated happy birthday

Ditch now OP. Not feeling charitable today !