Friend doesn't realise being a SAHM is a privilege, or AIBU?

[notasahp]

Ok have name changed for this just in case I get flamed and this thread follows me around

I have a friend, let's call her A, and we both had our first DC around the same time (few months apart). I went back to work after 10 months because if I don't work bills and mortgage don't get paid. My DH works too but living in the South East we need two salaries to make things work.

A is married to a banker who makes really good money, enough for her to have the CHOICE whether to work or not. She's chosen to be a SAHM.

Problem is she complains to me all the time about how exhausted she is and doesn't realise actually what a privilege it is to be at home with your young children without worrying about money. If her DC has had a bad night sleep for example, she doesn't have to get up at 6am for work regardless the next day, she can take it easy at home and maybe even nap while her baby naps!

Does my friend not realise how lucky she is? Or am I just bitter and jealous?

[Fatizo]

It may help OP to think of her friend doing a different kind of unpaid job, where she constantly looks after the baby, herself, the house and god knows what else. I am not a SAHM but work pt and sometimes I find my high stress job gives me a bit of a break from my other unpaid job at home. Each has its rewards and drawbacks. Why can’t she complain? It’s all relative and having enough money doesn’t make daily parenting struggles disappear. Who knows, she might think you re lucky to have a career that she put on hold.

[rainbowbash]

yes, it’s a privilege to be able to afford to stay at home with your children but it’s also hard work.

Dont you think this is still much easier than shouldering all this on top of a stressful job? *

[Sleeplikeasloth]

Deadpoet, you'd still be doing the exact same things if you worked, just in less hours. You are not providing childcare during the day.

Children don't magically get to school, clubs, have help with homework etc if you work. Neither do meals magically appear or hills pay themselves.

With small children, they generate more mess whilst at home, and a sahp provides childcare during the day. You don't.

[Purplegecko]

Not really the same but I'm the only one out of my parent friends who works. They post really snarky things on Facebook about how they "didn't have children so someone else could raise them whilst I go and live my life". They're all married or in relationships and as a single mum I need to work to actually feed and house my child. I'm not out on a jolly whilst "someone else raises" my child. That being said. Even if I was married or living with a partner who helped financially, I'd still choose to work. I hated being at home all the time and enjoy working. I don't think you are being unreasonable, I think you're frustrated that she's doing what you wish you could and that you feel it's unfair of her to complain about the situation you'd LOVE to have and that is totally normal and understandable.

[1ndig0]

Why is this even a competition?

Some SAHMs have harder circumstances than others; some jobs are harder than others.

One person’s idea of “hard” will be different to the next person’s.

Some people are bored to tears in office environments etc, while others thrive. Some people are bored to the back teeth at home, while others love it.

Each to their own. Life and friends are not a hardship competition. And anyone can get tired and have a moan from time to time.

[3timeslucky]

She can be exhausted and also realise that it is a privilege to have the financial choice that she has.

Would you feel better if she pre-fixed every statement with "I realise it is a privilege to be able to choose to stay at home but ..."? Or would you be complaining that she keeps going on about the privilege she has?

[Delatron]

Maybe she thinks you’re privileged to be able to go to work? Maybe her husband works long hours and is no help and she’s sick of the drudgery. Maybe she misses her career and is worried about her future?

Friends should suppprt each other.

[MrsBombastic]

You were right to change your name, SAHM will flat you alive.

No YANBU. I've had the luxury of trying both and being a working mum is far harder.

You could tell her to try working AND running a household (in a humorous fashion) or you could ignore her.

Depends on the likelihood of her seeing your point of view and changing her ways.

[Boulty]

YANBU she is lucky that she has a choice

but... she could still be shattered being a mother is hard... especially when children are at home all day...

once they are at school being a SAHM is a doddle