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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is DP's mother?

119 replies

ThePinkHulk · 20/01/2019 15:52

I'm aware this is going to sound incredibly petty.

Me, DP and his mum are all on Tesco Mobile. The bill is paid out of our joint account every month, including DP's mum's. This is because DP has paid for this for years as it started when he lived with her, and it's carried on. He puts more money in the joint acc so I am not personally paying for it.

A couple of months ago I realised we can get Tesco Clubcard points on this, so I checked the account. We pay about £50 a month for all the bills so I thought we may as well get those 50 points. There was another account number listed on there, so I changed it to ours (mine and DP's card). The other number was his mum's, presumably inputted when he lived there (about two years ago).

DP's mum has now messaged him asking why she isn't getting the points, as she's checked her statement and they aren't there. DP said I've changed it to ours, and she said I am selfish and it's always been her card that gets the points as she likes to save them up. Well, so do we. I think because we are paying for it, we should be getting the points on our card and she's being cheeky. She has more money than us (as she has no mortgage or rent), yet DP continues to pay her bill out of kindness and all she's worried about is points. AIBU?

OP posts:

slithytove · 20/01/2019 19:41

Op, did either of you know it was his mums card before you changed it

bourbonbiccy · 20/01/2019 20:12

So obviously they are yours and your husbands points. You obviously must have known ( or have the common sense to work out it was his mothers card ). I just don't think I would be bothered over that value, both the phone bill and the points. It sounds really petty that you changed it.

SalemtheBIackCat · 20/01/2019 21:18

@CatnissEverdene He didn't choose to be born, you know. His mother chose to bring him into the world, I don't feel he should have ongoing responsibility for something he had no say over. A child should not be indebted to their parent forever just for being born.

ZogTheOrangeDragon · 20/01/2019 22:54

OP, why ask AIBU when you quite clearly are not prepared to take on board that a lot of people think you are. You think his mother is ungrateful and rude, she clearly doesn’t think much of you. In the grand scheme of things, isn’t it better to just try to get along? You could still have had the points but you just needed to tell her; the way you went about it wasn’t considerate or kind.

CallMeSirShotsFired · 20/01/2019 23:17

I look forward to all pp immediately transferring their loyalty points to @ThePinkHulk, given its so petty to want to keep them for oneself.

Maelstrop · 20/01/2019 23:24

She’s a cf. She wants the points, she can pay the bill. In fact, I’d be asking DP to stop paying and get her to pay her own bloody bills!

LucilleBluth · 20/01/2019 23:26

Petty petty petty. Get a life.

FrozenMargarita17 · 20/01/2019 23:41

Nah you're in the right OP

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/01/2019 23:53

Petty petty petty. Get a life.

I assume you are saying that to the MIL, who is the one who actually kicked up a petty little stink about it?

MrsBandersnatch · 21/01/2019 04:24

In fact, I’d be asking DP to stop paying and get her to pay her own bloody bills!

But it's none of OP's business. And if she does this she's going to be overstepping the mark. It's something that her partner decided to do long before OP was on the scene. She's going to make herself look unpleasantly manipulative.

Gina2012 · 21/01/2019 05:24

If DP was there when you removed his Mum's Tesco clubcard number and he was fine with it, why are you getting all the flack from his Mum?

If he was there and was fine about the removal of Mums clubcard number why is it YOU who is selfish?

He should stand up for you and tell Mum that he is the person who is taking responsibility for this, and it's his choice

Or is he whipped?

CosmicComet · 21/01/2019 05:39

His mum is a greedy CF. I wouldn’t have given her the £50 M&S voucher either. And I certainly wouldn’t continue paying her phone bill!

PBobs · 21/01/2019 05:53

These threads are great. It's my favourite when some angry MILs get in on the action and clutch their pearls thanking God their perfect sons wouldn't marry a woman (with guts) like the OP. They make my day.

I think it's bonkers that he pays for her shop but that is absolutely his call - although in our house we would consider that a joint decision. But the club card points is out of order. Whoever pays gets the points.

As for MIL's response I would say this is familiar to me. She can't bring herself to admit its her perfect son so it must be your fault. I used to get upset about it but honestly, you have to question if it's worth it. As long as he and you are on the same page. I find it makes me sadder when MIL goes off on one against my DH than me - there's something that makes me sad in thinking that she doesn't trust him or have enough faith in him to think he's capable of making his own decisions. I just ignore it when it's aimed at me.

Claudia1980 · 21/01/2019 06:22

Just stop paying her blimmin bills and have nothing to do with any of her costs/cards/deals. Job done.

potatoscone · 21/01/2019 08:17

I think it's bonkers that he pays for her shop

He doesn't.

MrsBandersnatch · 21/01/2019 10:05

You're assuming that all those who think the OP is monumentally petty are mothers in law? I would really doubt that. Just people who think that what you call 'guts' is actually a meanness of spirit.
I'm not a mil and that's my opinion. My husband pays for his mother's phone because she's on his contract and it's a tenner a month. Meh.

HoustonBess · 21/01/2019 10:07

She's being unreasonable

But I'd switch to giffgaff if I were you! Tesco clubcard is a way of you giving a massive tax-dodging evil empire tons of personal data for a pittance in return.

MrsBandersnatch · 21/01/2019 10:08

And if they had a Tesco points agreement that pre-dated me I'd consider it none of my business.

Belenus · 21/01/2019 11:52

You're assuming that all those who think the OP is monumentally petty are mothers in law? I would really doubt that. Just people who think that what you call 'guts' is actually a meanness of spirit.

Exactly that. I'm not even a mother, let alone a MIL and I think the OP should have let her MIL know what she was up to.

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