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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DP's mother?

119 replies

ThePinkHulk · 20/01/2019 15:52

I'm aware this is going to sound incredibly petty.

Me, DP and his mum are all on Tesco Mobile. The bill is paid out of our joint account every month, including DP's mum's. This is because DP has paid for this for years as it started when he lived with her, and it's carried on. He puts more money in the joint acc so I am not personally paying for it.

A couple of months ago I realised we can get Tesco Clubcard points on this, so I checked the account. We pay about £50 a month for all the bills so I thought we may as well get those 50 points. There was another account number listed on there, so I changed it to ours (mine and DP's card). The other number was his mum's, presumably inputted when he lived there (about two years ago).

DP's mum has now messaged him asking why she isn't getting the points, as she's checked her statement and they aren't there. DP said I've changed it to ours, and she said I am selfish and it's always been her card that gets the points as she likes to save them up. Well, so do we. I think because we are paying for it, we should be getting the points on our card and she's being cheeky. She has more money than us (as she has no mortgage or rent), yet DP continues to pay her bill out of kindness and all she's worried about is points. AIBU?

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 20/01/2019 17:08

Tell her no problem, we will cancel paying for your phone bill and so she can get her Tesco points for her phone.

Although it would have been sensible to let her know first. You know, in case she was saving the points for a new tea towel.

SaIemTheBlackCat · 20/01/2019 17:12

"be the bigger person, change it back to her clubcard number to make her happy."

See that is how CFs are created. People suggesting others give in to poor behaviour only emboldens the CFs. Why should she given in to a CF? Especially when said CF pays no mortgage or rent, unlike the OP.

erja · 20/01/2019 17:13

I don't think YABU at all!

TowelNumber42 · 20/01/2019 17:14

It is crazy that she phoned to complain.

MrsBandersnatch · 20/01/2019 17:17

I really couldn't be arsed about this. My mil is on DP's phone contract
which he pays for. It's about £10 extra, which we pay.

She brought him up and fed him for 20 years. I don't think he begrudges her a tenner a month. Nor would he or I begrudge any Tesco points she decided to claim especially if it was a long standing arrangement. OP is right. It's monumentally petty.

ElevenSmiles · 20/01/2019 17:20

I bet his mom is hoping there won't be a wedding anytime soon....I would be.

SD1978 · 20/01/2019 17:23

I do think you should have discussed it with your partner first. Your share is not £2- but 20p. You chose arbitrarily to take the point your DP and his mother 'earn' without thinking about it or asking. A conversation first when it was obvious the points were going to her could have negated all of this. True- they are your partners and yours. But maybe he didn't give a crap that his mum 'earnt' a whole £2 a month from him (Max) depending on your relationship with her- pretty obvious this was going to cause unnecessary crap.

EspressoButler · 20/01/2019 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RomanyRoots · 20/01/2019 17:26

I'd tell him to stop paying the bill, who pays for their mums phone?
Gosh that's weird.
Separate finances from her and let her pay her own

billybagpuss · 20/01/2019 17:27

Wow, to the people saying it was PA changing it in the first place, I would just have assumed it was an old number and updated accordingly, it wouldn't even have crossed my mind it might have been MILs.

YADNU you pay, you get the points and why is she entitled to the points from your phone anyway?

And finally, who the hell would notice it missing? I have no idea where all my points come from I know roughly how much I tend to get a quarter but certainly wouldn't spot a pound or so either way.

sollyfromsurrey · 20/01/2019 17:28

Why are people saying that this is coming out of Dps money, not the OPs? If it is household money, it is coming out of both,

SassitudeandSparkle · 20/01/2019 17:28

It's a max of three times the value, not four now OP - I use clubcard vouchers a lot. So much bad feeling for so little. Really not worth it.

CallMeSirShotsFired · 20/01/2019 17:29

Everyone saying "petty"- please can you let the rest of us know when it would be ok to draw a line?

£60? £600? £6000?

And then why your line in the sand is ok, whereas this one isn't?

Bluelady · 20/01/2019 17:30

Wtf is the relevance of mortgage or rent? Or did I miss something?

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/01/2019 17:31

"No problem MIL, DP and I have discussed it and agreed that the best thing would be for you to acrue your own points. I'll send you the details so you can set up your own account and direct debit direct with Tesco" :)

ElevenSmiles · 20/01/2019 17:32

2 quid a month is petty ....The big question is why does OP want to piss off his mom.

asprinklingofsugar · 20/01/2019 17:34

YANBU. And to those saying her DP pays more and she shouldn’t have changed it to her card number and be benefiting from the points he’s accumulating, presumably whatever points are earnt are spent in tescos on food which he also benefits from. If he has his own Tesco card then it may have been a better idea to change it to his - partly as he pays slightly more, but mainly because I doubt mil would complain as much. But mil has no claim on those points if she is not paying for them, and so why should she benefit from them, as opposed to OP and her DP?

Bobbybear10 · 20/01/2019 17:36

In principle you are probably right and the money should be yours....BUT is it really worth it? Does the £2 a month make that much difference to you? Can you think of any other reason you might’ve making a huge deal over this? (I.e, you want to fall out with her and have been looking for a ‘legitimate’ reason) because it sounds like there must be some bigger reason behind this as I don’t believe anyone is petty enough to fall out over £2 a month.

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/01/2019 17:42

In principle you are probably right and the money should be yours....BUT is it really worth it? Does the £2 a month make that much difference to you? Can you think of any other reason you might’ve making a huge deal over this? (I.e, you want to fall out with her and have been looking for a ‘legitimate’ reason) because it sounds like there must be some bigger reason behind this as I don’t believe anyone is petty enough to fall out over £2 a month.

And all of that could equally be levelled at the MIL. She is making the fuss about £2 a month, not the OP. As someone with no rent to pay and more income than the OP, why is she making such a fuss?

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 20/01/2019 17:46

I know it's not a lot of money, but I really think its cheeky for your MIL to complain about the points when someone has been paying her phonebill all this time. The points are peanuts compared to how much she has saved over the years by not paying her phone bill.

I can't believe she lets her son pay her phonebill for her when she has no mortgage or rent to pay. When the contract is up, tell her she is now responsible for organising and paying her own phone bill. You or DH can offer to help her find a good deal, but she pays for herself from then on.

supersop60 · 20/01/2019 17:48

YADNBU. MIL is getting points that she hasn't paid for. However, I think I personally would let it go because it is such a small amount.
Is there more of a back story? Or is it that your Mil refuses to see that she's wrong?

GoGoGadgetGin · 20/01/2019 17:50

Echoing pyoing all of the 'how petty of you' indeed could be out to the DP DM! And agree this is how CF'ery can begin!

Beansandcoffee · 20/01/2019 17:52

OP you need to get out more.

Sounds like you have a teally nice partner who pays his mum’s mobile phone bill. Perhaps if he didn’t pay she would decide not to have a mobile and perhaps he likes her having a mobile. Who knows but he sounds like a good son. He is entitled to use some of his salary to pay for his mum’s phone. All this talk about joint money....do posters not have any “own” money?

Beansandcoffee · 20/01/2019 17:55

I think by changing the card you have possibly inadvertently taken her points from her daily shop. I think cards can only go to one account. So now when she buys her gin these points are going to your account. Let’s hope I am wrong otherwise you are a CF.

ElevenSmiles · 20/01/2019 17:59

I'd be on the gin, if my son was with someone like the OP.