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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DP's mother?

119 replies

ThePinkHulk · 20/01/2019 15:52

I'm aware this is going to sound incredibly petty.

Me, DP and his mum are all on Tesco Mobile. The bill is paid out of our joint account every month, including DP's mum's. This is because DP has paid for this for years as it started when he lived with her, and it's carried on. He puts more money in the joint acc so I am not personally paying for it.

A couple of months ago I realised we can get Tesco Clubcard points on this, so I checked the account. We pay about £50 a month for all the bills so I thought we may as well get those 50 points. There was another account number listed on there, so I changed it to ours (mine and DP's card). The other number was his mum's, presumably inputted when he lived there (about two years ago).

DP's mum has now messaged him asking why she isn't getting the points, as she's checked her statement and they aren't there. DP said I've changed it to ours, and she said I am selfish and it's always been her card that gets the points as she likes to save them up. Well, so do we. I think because we are paying for it, we should be getting the points on our card and she's being cheeky. She has more money than us (as she has no mortgage or rent), yet DP continues to pay her bill out of kindness and all she's worried about is points. AIBU?

OP posts:
3boysandabump · 20/01/2019 16:25

She can start paying her own bill then she'll get her share of the points.

ElevenSmiles · 20/01/2019 16:27

If you're looking to alienate his mom......Good start OP.

NotTheFordType · 20/01/2019 16:35

Oh god. This is similar to what happened to me with my mother.

My mum moved in with me for about 18 months and we put her on my Nectar card account. (I don't particularly like Sainsbos but I got a monthly bonus from work in vouchers for there, so it made sense to mainly shop there and accrue the points.)

After she moved out I never thought to un-link our cards - didn't really cross my mind.

A few years later things came to a head between us and I went NC. Again the Nectar card thing didn't really cross my mind.

Until I was about to move house so thought "Oh I must log into Nectar and change my address." Once I logged in I thought I'd look at recent transactions.

Cheeky fucker had been redeeming MY points on her fucking shopping! It's not like she was earning them - she was just draining the points every time it got to a fiver. Bitch.

Anyway OP - you are definitely in the right, although it would have been nice for your DP to have told her you were switching it to your clubcard. Does he dislike confrontation?

Dagnabit · 20/01/2019 16:37

I can't believe people are defending the DP's mum! She's petty to even mention it and should be grateful that she doesn't have to pay her own phone bill. OP covers her own share on the account and wasn't even getting her own points.

nutellalove · 20/01/2019 16:37

Tell her she can have the points, if she pays!

letsdolunch321 · 20/01/2019 16:39

Let her pay her own bill, she can have the points for her account then.

Stupid woman

AcrossthePond55 · 20/01/2019 16:40

DP 'deserves' the points. But I wouldn't be happy if I was paying a bill for my parent with non-joint funds (even if out of a joint account), had previously decided to let my parent have whatever 'benefit', and my DP decided willy nilly on their own that it should be changed without talking to me about it first.

And she should be reimbursing your DP for her share of the bill, especially if money isn't an issue for her. BUT, since it doesn't come out of YOUR money, that's for your DP to decide. You might suggest it to him, but since it's not your money, that part of it is none of your business (unless DP comes up short each month on joint expenses or isn't carrying his financial weight in other ways).

I understand your thinking, I'd probably think the same. But you overstepped in taking action without discussing it with DP first.

Kikipost · 20/01/2019 16:41

Op
This equates to pennies. Honestly, pennies
Don’t sweat it

notangelinajolie · 20/01/2019 16:46

Have you inadvertently merged her clubcard with yours? It is possible that Tesco are now all adding all clubcard the points she earns from her weekly shop onto your account too.

In the interests of your relationship with you MIL I think you should give Tesco a call and make sure that it is just the mobile phone contract you are benefiting from.

I think that your DP sounds like a nice man and it is kind of him to pay for his mum's phone contract.

I also think that for the sake of a few clubcard points you should have not done this in the first place.

ElevenSmiles · 20/01/2019 16:48

You've changed a long standing arrangement between a mother and son....yes you are petty.

tempester28 · 20/01/2019 16:48

I would have left your DPs mother with the points as it is not worth the bad feeling. It is something nice your DP did for his mum and although you are entitled to the points I think that if it was me I would just leave things as they were.

JKCR2017 · 20/01/2019 16:51

Firstly, when your partners mums contact is up, cancel it. DP used to pay mils phone contract. She never appreciated it. It doesn’t like your mil does either if she’s expecting the bloody clubcard points for it. Those points are yours. She doesn’t pay the bill so why would she get the points?!

Aridane · 20/01/2019 16:55

Yep, petty

CatnissEverdene · 20/01/2019 16:57

On £50 a month, they are probably giving you 5p back. The whole loyalty card scheme is the biggest scam going - they just want your details. Is that really worth falling out with someone over Hmm

Ribbonsonabox · 20/01/2019 16:57

Yes they should go to you because you are paying the bill.

Original poster
ThePinkHulk · 20/01/2019 16:57

But they're not your points! You don't pay the bill!

What your DP decides to do as regards to his mum is not your business if it doesn't impact you.

I pay for my bill and that is £20 of the £50. The £50 covers all our phones (mine, DP's and his mother's). So yes, I do pay - £20 and DP pays £30. But the money I was paying was going on her Clubcard.

OP posts:
StressedToTheMaxx · 20/01/2019 16:58

Tell her is she wants to pay the bill she will be more than entitled to the points.

SomethingPhishy · 20/01/2019 16:58

If your DP has enough money to pay her mobile bill then I don't think you are desperately in need of 50p or £2 worth of points a month. Not worth the fall out really.

Original poster
ThePinkHulk · 20/01/2019 16:59

On £50 a month, they are probably giving you 5p back

£50p = 50p in points, which can be exchanged for up to 4x at Tesco's partners. So that 50p becomes £2.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 20/01/2019 17:02

Was she getting the points from all the phones? It sounds like it.

SaIemTheBlackCat · 20/01/2019 17:03

They are your partner's points really, not yours or hers. However, they are definitely more you and your partner's than hers. I echo a few others have said, that you should tell her that the points belongs to the person paying the bill and if she wants the points you can arrange to transfer her bill into her name.

Ragwort · 20/01/2019 17:05

Your first sentence in your OP said it was going to sound petty ..... it is incredibly petty, be the bigger person, change it back to her clubcard number to make her happy. And maybe both of you need a hobby.

CoastalLife · 20/01/2019 17:05

Did she actually call you selfish? That’s not on at all and I hope your DP told her so.

Your DP needs to handle the situation as it’s his agreement with his mum. But I would ask him to explain to her that a proportion of the bill each month is paid by you, and therefore a proportion of the points are yours. I think this would be a good time for him to stop paying for his mum’s phone bill so as not to have any confusion over who’s points are who’s (unless there’s more to it and there’s a good reason that he pays the bill for her).

E20mom · 20/01/2019 17:06

She's a CF!!!!

OneOrgasmicBirthPlease · 20/01/2019 17:06

For the sake of £2 a month everybody is now upset.

Sure, she should be paying her own bill, and you should be getting the points from the things you pay for.

But really, your share of the clubcard points is only 20p a month, or 80p if you exchange them. Do you really want to spend your time and energy in on arguing for the sake of saving such an insignificant amount of money? Is there a backstory?

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