to wonder if there's anyone else who can't afford a baby

[GoldCloud]

I and not pregnant, would like to be, but know we can't afford it. It's really getting me down. Our combined income is £55k, but the rent and bills alone is around £1600 a month and we can't afford to drop down to one salary. And then there's food, commuting costs etc. Going back to work would wipe out the majority of my salary in childcare fees and we have no parents willing to help us out with childcare either.

Moving to a cheaper area is out of the question, as DP needs to work in London for his sector. We already live an hour away from London (via train), and the area is relatively cheap compared to other towns. To live in a cheaper area we would need to move about 30 miles away and that's out of the question due to jobs.

I know this sounds self pitying but I don't understand how anyone can do it unless one or both are on a great salary and they have parents on hand to babysit. I know people say no one is ever financially ready for a baby, but there seems to be lots of people who manage even more than one child, a nice house, holidays, and even with the mother on a part time salary. How?

It's about priorities. Until your priority is having a baby over proximity to London then it might not be possible.

If you already live an hour away from London then why not move to a different area an hour away from London? I live 50 mins away and rents here are £850/month with 2 stations into different areas of London.

Fwiw family of 5 here - £950 + bills and household income of £30k. It's possible. You just have to work out the solution.

I think because you live in London it's harder than many other areas.

I live near Manchester and our combined salary is similar to yours. I'm on mat leave with 2 kids under 2. My salary doesn't cover the cost of both being in nursery so when I return to work we will have to use savings until the eldest gets the 30 free hours childcare. Otherwise we budget - we checked the cost per meal we were making and cut out the too expensive ones, we only have £100 spending money each a month (after bills, food, kids clothes etc). We don't have expensive holidays.

If you really want a child seriously review your spending - take packed lunches don't buy etc, and start saving.

I am not sure what I feel about this post. I am old and brought up 4 children on not very much. It depends what you feel are essentials I suppose. Food on the table, a roof over their head, love and enough clothes. Nice house and holidays are not that big a deal. You seem to have put yourselves on a hamster wheel. Think about what you really want in life and whether a family is in that equation. I can tell you , for me it was worth it a thousand times . despite having less materially. Now I am retired and enjoying 10 grandchildren. All offspring happy with the right partners and good jobs. Babies themselves can cost very little if you cut your cloth

Well 1600x12 brings us to just over £19k leaving you with £35k a year after all your bills. Remember also that while you (presumably as DHs job seems to be the priority one?) were off on mat leave or SAHMing you wouldn’t have commuting costs or work lunches/clothing to buy. Are you sure you couldn’t do it?

It’s because you’re close to London. Just about anywhere else in the country and you would be wealthy with that income. DP and I have a similar combined income, own our own home and raise four DC comfortably never mind one...

Also plenty of people ‘can’t afford’ a baby but do it anyway because the desire to have children outweighs the potential pitfalls.

Like the PP said you need to prioritise if you want a baby.

@Gizzymum we don't live in London, we live an hour away by train

It’s difficult OP - but it is also about priorities. If a baby is the most important thing to you, your DP will have to change his job so you can move away from within an hour of London. Or, you will have to significantly change your lifestyle to hugely reduce your bills.

I am totally sympathetic because it’s so much harder for someone in your position that it would be for a couple who earned much more or had total flexibility over where to work, or who have parents who will do childcare. But it’s not impossible for you. You just have to choose if it’s enough of a priority to be worth making sacrifices for.

As a PP has said, maybe a move to another area that is an hour away?
Can you cut any of your bills, eg cheaper deals on mobiles/insurance?
Can you budget food shopping etc?
We had 22 months between ours and paid for childcare for both. It was very tough financially - second hand clothes, no holidays etc but it will get easier.

We are in the same boat. DP works all over but is freelance and can often go 6-8months without work. So somtimes we have a huge combined income and sometimes (often) just mine. I couldn’t afford to take even the 6weeks of Maternity leave (6w at 90%, the rest at SMP). We don’t live in or near London, but can’t move out of the SE of the UK due to both our jobs.
I’m 34 soon, so it looks like this might be it.

You could afford children but you have different priorities/choices at the moment.

The average household income is something like £28k. So you could choose lower paid jobs, a cheaper area, lower outgoings etc

What is the rest of your income going on after rent and bills? It seems you'll have to cut back there.

Agree that it's about your priorities. I really don't think that would be a hard amount to manage on to have a baby!

Plenty do it on less and without free childcare. It's all about priorities. We don't waste money on alcohol, smoking, eating out loads, takeaways, coffee etc like a lot do. Neither did we holiday abroad when they were little as they won't remember anyway. We saved trips until of an age where they could appreciate them.

We saved before TTC so there was no drop in income when on maternity and had a good start towards childcare fees.

Lots work around each other to keep costs down. Might not be in their dream job but it provides for the children.

We make less than half of what you do and have 3 kids. It's about priorities.

@GoldCloud It's near enough to be affected by living costs though based on your bills and rent amount. Perhaps "down south" would have been a better description. However if you don't believe you are affected by the increased cost of living due to being that close to the capital then I don't see why you can't afford a child.

We live about 45m out of London (husband works in London), and live fairly comfortably on £30k, one income. It can be done, you just need to prioritise things.

What is your current budget/spending? If you post it people will be able to advise.

It's the London thing. Your rent and bills is very high. Me and DH earn about the same as you and have two children (1 and 3 so nursery fees etc) but live in Scotland and have a mortgage of £450.

Also curious about your expenditure OP, can you break it down? DH and I have a combined income of 75k but now I'm on mat leave on statutory maternity pay and we are managing just fine on DHs 35k.

Household on the outskirts of London (mortgage, bills, CT, food, car, etc etc etc) costs us 2k per month all in.

Is there anywhere you can cut back??

I can no longer go and buy fancy clothes, have expensive dinners etc but my DS is worth it.... Good luck x

We live an hour from London with my DH commuting in for work. We afford kids by me working compressed hours part time to reduce childcare costs, my DH capitalising on his job to make as much as possible, no holidays, spacing kids to not be paying 2 lots of childcare at once and being careful with all costs.

We did wait until we were early/mid thirties and felt more stable before having any kids. It does sometimes feel like we’re just keeping afloat but it should get better when DCs are a bit older

I am a single parent and my part time income will be under £50k 🤷‍♀️ I've budgeted it and even with travel and some childcare, it will be affordable, as we are moving to a cheaper area about an hour out of London. I also have to commute.

We don’t have kids, live rurally, jobs are sparse. Household income 20k rent and bills 1400 pcm tiny 2 bed flat
If I was on your salary I could certainly make it work 🤷‍♀️

You probably could do it.
What’s your mat pay with work....any savings? When (usually a mother) returns to work her money goes on childcare, just working to keep a foot in the door until you get 30free hours and then school.

We had our first baby, living in inner London, 7 years ago, on a combined income of about £45-50k at the time.
I was working freelance though, so didn’t get SMP from an employer -
I got MAP which was about £120 per week at the time.

We managed. We were pretty skint but covered all the essentials and occasional luxuries.
Got a lot of handmedown baby things from family etc.

When I went back to work after mat leave, our combined income went up to £65k ish and we paid almost full time childcare out of it and had holidays.

We’ve never had family nearby so always had to pay for childcare.

Thousands of other families in similar situation to us in London who manage perfectly well.