to wonder if there's anyone else who can't afford a baby

[GoldCloud]

I and not pregnant, would like to be, but know we can't afford it. It's really getting me down. Our combined income is £55k, but the rent and bills alone is around £1600 a month and we can't afford to drop down to one salary. And then there's food, commuting costs etc. Going back to work would wipe out the majority of my salary in childcare fees and we have no parents willing to help us out with childcare either.

Moving to a cheaper area is out of the question, as DP needs to work in London for his sector. We already live an hour away from London (via train), and the area is relatively cheap compared to other towns. To live in a cheaper area we would need to move about 30 miles away and that's out of the question due to jobs.

I know this sounds self pitying but I don't understand how anyone can do it unless one or both are on a great salary and they have parents on hand to babysit. I know people say no one is ever financially ready for a baby, but there seems to be lots of people who manage even more than one child, a nice house, holidays, and even with the mother on a part time salary. How?

When we had dd1 our combined income was about £22000, we managed. It just depends what you're willing to sacrifice in order to have kids. It sounds if you'd have a lot more disposable income than we had when ours were tiny, but it just depends whether you're willing to live on that much.

We are in the same boat. DP works all over but is freelance and can often go 6-8months without work. So somtimes we have a huge combined income and sometimes (often) just mine. I couldn’t afford to take even the 6weeks of Maternity leave (6w at 90%, the rest at SMP). We don’t live in or near London, but can’t move out of the SE of the UK due to both our jobs.
I’m 34 soon, so it looks like this might be it

Again, this is choice though. Your DH could look for a more steady job but chooses to to do work that is only available for a few months of the year. You say you cannot even afford 6 weeks at 90% pay.... Your dh working so little is clearly not working for you. I would be furious if we couldn't have children because my dh chooses to work so little!

The OP already lives an hour outside of London. Rents may be cheaper, but you end up pay more in train fares, so you aren't actually any better off

OP, me and OH grew up in London. When we had children, we couldn't afford to survive on one salary and we didn't have family who could help with childcare. I meet lots people Through work in similar situations as you. Some of these people have;

One partner give up work until the children are in school.

One partner reduce their hours to part time. 3 days seems to be the optimum before childcare becomes extortionate.

Work opposite shifts to partner, to save on childcare (this can mean working in a supermarket at weekends or evenings for example).

Move to a cheaper area of the country for a total lifestyle change.

In our circumstances, OH retrained and worked agency for a few years whilst the children were young, as I was the higher earner. Due to the type of work he did, he always had work, but we had the flexibility to not work when needed. OH started working 3 days a week and I worked compressed hours so that we only had to pay for childcare for two days a week. OH increased his hours as the children got their nursery hours and started school. He is now full time.

Those early years are difficult, but it does get easier.

People on much lower incomes do have children. It's a question of what you choose to prioritise, I suppose.

Gold why can't you afford it? You must have about £3600 a month after tax, of which £1600 goes on rent and bills leaving £2000 per month for everything else. You can save up at least £500 per month on that for a while surely.

How much exactly are your food and commuting costs? How much are nurseries in your area?

Threads like this always end up being about not being able to afford to have a child without making some sacrifices, not about not being able to afford it full stop. I'll never forget the poster who felt life was unfair because she couldn't afford to start a family then drip fed the thousand pounds a month she spent keeping horses as an expense she couldn't be expected to cut out.

How much "spare" money do you have each month (so deduct all set monthly bills and mortgage from wages)? How much of this spare money do you then spend on food and fuel/public transport? What is left?

I am not sure what I feel about this post. I am old and brought up 4 children on not very much. It depends what you feel are essentials I suppose. Food on the table, a roof over their head, love and enough clothes. Nice house and holidays are not that big a deal.

Then you did so when the cost of housing was a lower average percentage of income than it is now, and when social housing was more readily available. Luxuries like holidays might be more easily accessible now, housing at the average percentage of income from only a few decades ago is not. To characterise this as differing views on what essentials are available is to grossly misinterpret the situation.

That said OP, for all the posts about people managing in London to raise children on less, virtually all of whom will ignore that some of those people will be doing it in either social housing or having purchased a long time ago and still others will receive substantial subsidy towards housing, I personally wouldn't stay in the south east on that level of income. It's all very well saying DP needs to be in London for his sector, but how much does he earn? I don't suppose it's much more than about 35 or 40k? Frankly that is not enough to make it worthwhile. My household income is less than yours for 4 people and we've had no trouble affording DC.

What maternity leave would you get paid for?

If you get six months at full pay or close to for instance you could probably save a lot during that time. No commuting costs and then everything is just cheaper as babies at that age don’t really cost anything but you suddenly stop doing a lot - far less drinks and meals out for instance.

It's about priorities, what's important to you.
Childcare would have wiped out what i earned, so i gave up work.
We managed on less than half of your combined income.
We moved to a cheaper area and lived frugally, I'm not saying you should, but those were our priorities in order to afford children.

Moving to a cheaper area is out of the question, as DP needs to work in London for his sector.

This is a choice though rather than it being ‘out of the question’.
DH could get a different job in a different part of the county. Lots of people choose to do this as they decide to prioritise children over jobs and where they live.

Nothing wrong with not doing this though, both are valid options, you just need to decide what is most important to you.

Lots of people choose to stay in London and live on a very tight budget while they save for maternity leave and to cover childcare costs when returning to work.

What maternity leave would you get paid for?

The bare legal minimum, 6 weeks at 90% and then statutory.

why can't you afford it? You must have about £3600 a month after tax, of which £1600 goes on rent and bills leaving £2000 per month for everything else

I should have been clearer, the main reason would be our income would drop (as I would have to go part time), or my income would be wiped out in childcare fees (as we have no family willing to help babysit). We couldn't afford to live on just one income or to pay childcare IYSWIM. I know babies themselves don't cost much, it's the drop in income and the cost of childcare that does.

Commuting costs are £300 a month for both of us. Food probably around £150

You can afford a child.

I earn half what you do and pay a bigger portion than you do, out in bills.

To afford a child you will need to make changes. Most people do. It's not unusual.

Of course you can. You just make it work like everybody else does on a lot less money.

I live in London have an income of 20k and have 2 kids.

You have the money, you're simply choosing not to do it. If you really wanted you'd plan and SAVE while you are still working full time to build a saving that'd help towards costs when you have to stop working because of the baby. It's not hard and it's not impossible, it just requires planning, desire and most of all: organisation from you and your DH. If you both want the same, of course. And if you both want to cut back on luxuries starting from now to start a family in a near future.

Commuting costs are £300 a month for both

So this would halve while on Mat Leave.

At the moment you need £2050 to cover all living expenses and have an after tax income of £3600.

You really want a child.

So are you saving hard atm?

Are you young enough to wait a few years? Save up £1000 a month for 3 years - then you'll be in a position to pay 3 years of nursery fees even if nursery is 2k a month, as you'll have the savings plus the £1000 you've got used to putting into savings.

What would happen financially if your DH becomes a SAHP and you work fulltime?

You can afford children but you aren't prepared to make that your priority, which is fine.
Stay at home and you reduce childcare, commute and any other work related costs.
You might not be able to afford it in your present circumstances, but if children are a priority for you, then change your situation.
Go live in the country and live off the land, we did.

It certainly takes a few years of planning and seriously saving but it isn't impossible.

OP what is the split between you and dh salaries? If it's 50/50, and you get 28k say, then there surely will be some left after childcare? Which will likely be about 1000pcm.

Could you and dh both condense your hours so 40hpw over four days each, meaning only 3 days childcare required?

Op do you understand that lots of people in and around London are bringing up kids on less than you?

You can definitely afford a child!

My advice would be to go for it and worry about how you will afford it later!

I wouldn't say that if you were genuinely on the bread line, but I think in your case you will just have to prioritize a bit better and make some choices you don't want to think about right now (like moving - there are plenty of places an hour from London, and even if you have to live in the same town you live in now for whatever reason, I'm sure there are cheaper, smaller properties)

It's easier to give things up, prioritise etc.. when baby is here and you automatically put them first! Before they come you are (like most people are before kids) a lot more self centered and less willing to make sacrifices!

I kind of think if you keep putting it off due to money, you will never find a right time.

Is money the only reason you don't want a baby? Or is it a diversion from other reasons??

(Hope this post doesn't seem harsh, just think this problem can be solved!)

the main reason would be our income would drop (as I would have to go part time), or my income would be wiped out in childcare fees (as we have no family willing to help babysit). We couldn't afford to live on just one income or to pay childcare IYSWIM.

Why would you have to go part time?
If you pick up say £3600 between you, and bills, commuting and food come to £2050 that leaves £1450. We pay for full time childcare in London and it's less than £950 a month. So I'm unsure why these figures aren't workable for you.

Obviously I meant it leaves £1550 not £1450

How much is childcare where you live? Where I am a full-time place would be about £200 a week, and you would get 20% of that paid by tax free childcare.
Could either or both of you compress your hours into 4 days and then only pay 3 days childcare?

I don't understand how you can have £1k a month disposable income but not even afford a 10% pay cut?

If your DH can only work in London, what about your job? Could you find work somewhere cheaper and your DH be the SAHP or get an evening/weekend job?

Once your child is 3 you also get 30 hours free childcare in term time.