To ask, if you were once a single mother, broke and breaking your back for your DC...

[NorWeezelee]

Did you manage to fall happily in love again with a wonderful man? Are there any wonderful men, ones who might risk it with likes of me?

Please pick me up with your happy stories of love and romance. I'm feeling utterly miserable and sorry for myself today.

Yes!
My Dd's dad walked out when she was 18 months old just a few months before we were due to have our big wedding.
He reluctantly signed the house over to me so I took over the mortgage on my own.
Dd and I had to leave the house at 6.15am each morning so I could drop her at my parents and I could go to work.
Luckily work were flexible and I eventually went p/t termtime (good salary.)

Fast forward a few years and met my now DH. He had 2 older Dd's from his previous marriage, who lived with him.
After about 18 months I sold my house and moved in with him. He proposed while we were in NYC, we had a smallish wedding a few months later and we went back to NYC for our honeymoon.
We have a DS (11) now who is severely disabled. My DD is at boarding school and doing well, and we're so proud of all our children.
I gave up work due to DS and DH took early retirement. Been married 12 years now, blissfully happy, he is my best friend and soul mate.

Gosh I didn't mean to write as much but just so grateful my ex walked out(tho I was devastated at the time.) DM always says there's someone for everybody, it's just a case of finding them.
Good luck!

Have to admit i wasn't overly keen on the idea of a bloke with kids tbh. Luckily DPs are both older

Yes, it happened to me. I had a horrific childhood, fell pregnant at 16, was chucked out of the family home when my daughter was 6 months old, and was completely alone. I ended up in a dingy high rise flat, and as hard as I tried I couldn’t get life to go right, I was at college and working, but I could barely afford essentials like rent and childcare, it was bleak. I never, ever thought that anyone would wilfully put themselves into the life that I was living.

I ended up moving, and I was depressed because I was so far from everything and had no one at all in my life, then I met someone.

He was everything I’d never had, he was lovely, kind, settled, hard working and I fell head over heels for him, somehow he felt the same about me, he took me on, and he stepped in as a father figure for my daughter, she was 3 when he came along, and he was wary of overstepping any mark, and forcing himself in as her father, but when my daughter started to call him dad, he took that as a sign that’s what he needed to be. 8 years we’ve been together.

No one knows that she isn’t his unless I tell them, we all now share a last name, life looks like it’s always been quite simple and his parents dote on my daughter too. Nothing is ever too much for him on account of us.

You can find it. I did and I’m a pretty hard person to like a lot of the time.

Ps, there was a car often parked opposite my old flat, my younger sister said she loved the car, and would go out with the person who drove it if she got the chance. That was his car- not when we met, but I can’t believe that he was there right in front of me

I hate on these threads, when I a woman would like to share her life with someone, people start the 'ohhh happiness doesn't hang on a man presence'. Of course it doesn't. No one said it does.

But wanting a romantic relationship and someone to share your life with isn't a personal failing.

Being happily single, doesn't make you better than people who would like a relationship.

Nobody said it does?? But from many people's experiences if you hang everything on the need to find a partner they often fall short of what you deserve because expectations are low.

I think it's sad that so many women rely on a man for their happiness (and their money)

People are looking down on women wanting a relationship. Just like this comment.

This is accepted and respected yet a man not wanting to date a woman who has children is strung up!

Not at all, it's how it was explained. That the man gave women a credit rating.

People are looking down on women wanting a relationship

Of course they’re not.

What they’re saying is, if you create your own happiness you’re better off either way.

I don't read that as looking down on anyone. I guess it's how you interpret it

Happened to me. I wasn’t broke per se but obviously far less well off than I was with my ex h’s income. I was a single parent for a couple of years until I met DP on tinder of all places. Didn’t introduce to my DC for about six months, when I knew it was serious and now almost four years down the line own a home together and have an 11 week old baby.

I think it's sad that so many women rely on a man for their happiness (and their money)

People are looking down on women wanting a relationship. Just like this comment

Not looking down on anyone. I just don't believe anyone should be looking to another one person to make them happy. There are some inspiring stories on here from women who made even better lives for themselves after splitting from a man and been very happy,and then maybe gone on to meet the loves of their lives,which I love to read because it reminds me of how strong most women are and I think those women deserve their happy ever after. But the women who can't seem to function without a man (any man some of them) I feel sad for,because it must be awful to have so little self worth.

My mum was exactly that. She worked a full time job (with a 1.5 hour commute each way) plus an evening and weekend job (so 3 jobs!) for us to survive.

She eventually met a wonderful man and is now remarried and happy as could be. Her new husband is actually quite wealthy and they have a life normal people can only dream about (normal people, like me! My stepdad gets a Christmas ‘bonus’ each year that is about 3x my annual salary!). They live a charmed life. But not only because her new partner is rich. They are truly happy and she waited a long time to find someone so great. They are a very good match. So it does happen!

I was a divorced woman of 40 with a young child. Spent a couple of years on my own, got re-established in a different area of the country to be near by elderly parents. Once I got a job I felt I was back on track, had worked through issues regarding the divorce, and recovered by self-esteem and become more self-aware. I honestly didn't ever expect to meet anyone - who would want a 40 something woman with a young child? Answer - a lovely 37 year old man - single, no children, intelligent, kind, caring, similar financial situation to me (i.e. ok). Met at work, started dating in December, married by the following September. Brought up my dc as his own. Now been married for over 20 years and very happy still. Sorry you're feeling down, OP - I would say, work on yourself and your own happiness and self-esteem, then put yourself out there. It can happen.

Wow! I didn't expect so many replies. Thank you for all your uplifting stories.

Firstly, for those who may have misinterpreted my post, I am not feeling this way because I long to be "saved", and would never settle on any old bloke to introduce to my DC on a whim, and or to fund my lifestyle. I am thrilled DC and I have for a significant amount of time been out of a toxic environment and how much things have improved for us. I have thrown myself into my work and my family's day to day lives.

I do, however, feel that I am missing out on a genuine, loving, respectful and intimate connection. Is that not a perfectly acceptable human need? To connect on a very personal level with another? I feel that I deserve to be loved, and that I have so much love to give 😢 I love who I am for the most part and I like to think, other than being broke and feeling a bit exhausted, that somewhere, somehow there is a wonderful man out there who would see past all this and just love me for me.

I get next to zero practical support with parenting, so I am unable to pursue any hobbies/free time outside of the home, and I can't afford to pay for a babysitter on a regular basis. I take the brunt of everything and am just expected to relentlessly jump through hoops and be supermum of the century, while neglecting my wants and needs. How is that healthy for me or the DC?

Don't get me wrong, I do cherish my time with my DC, they are just the most gorgeous beings and the pure love I have for them is indescribable, though I would appreciate a break now and again... And I try my best to be optimistic that finances/job prospects, etc will gradually improve with time and hard work. I just feel despondent that, with having little time, energy or resources, I have minimal hope/limited chances of ever falling on love again/someone falling for me.

I guess, I need to just keep doing what I'm doing and suck it up?

The latter part of my post is in reply to those who think I'm pinning all my happiness on a man, which isn't true.

I was a single mum. I was not broke but was quite near it a few times.
I had been quite young and had DC1. That father turned out to be a father of 6 including mine and had never been a decent parentto any of them. I headed out on my own as a single parent.
After about 7 years on my own, I met someone. Eventually had DC2 but he was a workshy sponger so very early on I split with him. He was very annoyed and abusive after the split and there was no access.
The DCs grew up and it was not easy once they started getting into trouble for various reasons. They had children.
I thought the DCs were trying in some way to keep me busy as I was distraught because 6 close people had died in a year. I was asked to babysit a lot. I was also sickened by the number of financial requests that were made. Loans were never repaid. Then I got ill. I had lots of hospital appointments but they didn't care.
One day I made a silly mistake and my car was unable to start. Rather than contact DCs for help, I went to fix things myself. A man saw my problem and came over to speak to me and help me fix my car. That meeting led to meeting up for an odd coffee. More time was spent together and I met his family. I was still babysitting a lot about 4 days per week. We were out one time I got a call I needed to go babysit urgently. The way I was spoken to was overheard and the man was shocked. As time went on I still babysat and the man fitted around that and his shifts. I was taken ill suddenly and DC still wanted me to babysit. When I said I could not I was verbally abused.
I may have done too much for my DC and they expect too much now. I am still with DP but sadly ashamed that my DC cannot meet him in a civil and well-mannered way I don't want him being verbally abused like me. It is not the first time a male friend has been sworn at.
I question myself if all the devotion to children was worth it when they can't behave long enough to meet my friends
It is a cautionary tale for those younger single mums. I am so lucky that DP liked me enough to stick with me through all the strife.

To add, in response to pp re functioning without a man - I function perfectly adequately without a man, thank you. You seem to forget there is far more to life than merely "functioning". I am allowed to have feelings, hopes and dreams, just as much as the next person is.

This time 10 years ago I was posting on MN about the demise of my marriage and every response I had was telling me I would meet somebody great and life would get better. I am not pinning all my hopes on finding a man. My life has got progressively worse and worse each year.

I think we need to stop lying to women and telling them life will turn out great in the end, when for a great many it won't.

Aloneforeverandever

I am allowed to have feelings, hopes and dreams, just as much as the next person is

I get that. I just don’t think it works when your dreams hinge on other people as such.

Just for clarification, yes I was skint when I left ex DP. I didn't meet my DH and think "Ooo a meal ticket/father for my kids". We clicked, and he is my best friend as well as my DH.
He wasn't financially well off when I met him, and my career situation ( and his), has led us to a financial situation where we could both financially survive without the other if something happened.
But we wouldn't want to ( even though we drive each other mad sometimes....)

Well, what of married women with DC? Or those without DC and in LTR? Are their dreams not hinging on that of another?

Susanne Exactly this. I am not looking for a meal ticket or a father for my DC. Nor am saying that I feel all life's happiness is dependent on having romantic partner.

Are their dreams not hinging on that of another?

I don’t think so

@JacquesHammer - how not?