To ask, if you were once a single mother, broke and breaking your back for your DC...

[NorWeezelee]

Did you manage to fall happily in love again with a wonderful man? Are there any wonderful men, ones who might risk it with likes of me?

Please pick me up with your happy stories of love and romance. I'm feeling utterly miserable and sorry for myself today.

As others have said, you need to find happiness within yourself and the family you have. I'm on my own with DD. We are a happy little family unit. We take pleasure in the small stuff like staying in our pjs all morning and eating the rest of the Xmas chocolate.

Finding a man will just give you another set of problems and it's so unfair on the other person to expect them to rescue you and be responsible for your happiness.

I was a broke single parent to a 3yo. No involvelemnt from DS dad and CSS couldn't find him to extract any maintenance. I was literally cutting open the bottom of the sofas to find a pound coin for milk.

Then I came home from work to find my lovely rented house completely smoke damaged from a fire in the kitchen. I was literally as low as you could possibly go.

A week later I was set up on a blind date with the most amazing man. He had just bought a house, had a good job, was ready to settle down and start a family.

Me and DS moved in within 6 months and he took my DS on like his own, DD followed a year later, now married and been together for 11 years.

There are some good ones out there!

I was single for 5 years, ex was a violent knob who made life hell. Worked as many hours as I could to make sure DD had everything she needed. Met DP through a friend, was meant to be a bit of fun. He never went home. Neither of us wanted any more kids, marriage etc...nearly two years in we have DS together & are engaged. And i'm the happiest i've been in as long as i can remember

Sorry the baby decided I was finished with that post!
Still broke but happy.
I wish I had a magic wand to make single parents see how amazing they are!

OP, realistically your chances of finding a man are pretty slim, sorry.

The whole hysteria surrounding child abuse allegations have pretty much killed off any hopes of single mothers having any sort of relationship.

No sane man would ever put himself in a position where some jealous kid could ruin his life by making up an allegation. Perhaps a guy who already has kids might be more open to it but then you have all the added complications of "blended" famalies to consider.

I have a few single male friends, mid 30s, all have said the same thing.

One guy described it like this. He said he gave women a score, like a credit score, and having kids was like having a CCJ, computer says no!

Namechanger22 proved their logic by stating "how do you know which men are safe to have around your children"

No wonder men are avoiding women with children!

Sorry to hear that you’re struggling.

I divorced my XH 7 years ago. He told me nobody else would be interested in a fat 40 year old mum of 3.

I actually had a few good dates with nice men, lots of interest and then met my DP online, who is lovely, very romantic, thoughtful, generous and sexy as fuck.

He’s taking me on an amazing holiday next month, gives me foot rubs whenever he visits, sends me lovely messages when we’re apart and buys me gifts for no reason, just because he’s thinking of me. He’s a treasure and has only got better and better since I’ve known him. Of course I’m pretty good to him too, so it works both ways!

Obviously second time around things aren’t quite so simple, we both have DCs in the mix, so having to consider them means we aren’t free to do exactly what we want all the time, but we get to spend a few nights a week together, get to go on holiday while the DCs are with their other parents and generally have all the good bits of a relationship without the drudge of living together.

I hope that one day we will be in a position to marry and move in together but in the meantime I feel like I have a good balance of alone time, family time and couple time.

No reason why you can’t find something similar or even better to fit with your circumstances.

Probably when you least expect it and are not looking, or these days you can look very actively if you have energy and resilience for it.
Try to be happy in meantime, don't waste your life waiting. It's ok to be glum sometimes. Good luck.

Yes I did - please don't give up. I know the sheer relentlessness and loneliness of it, but do not give up and don't sell yourself short. I avoided all men until I found one that took it slowly, didn't try to meet ds quickly, built my trust Ds was 7 when we met (he was 5 weeks when his (d)f left), now dh met ds four months later, we married about three years later. Anyone who hasn't managed a co-parenting relationship with their ex is also something to avoid and I needed to know all about dh's relationship with his own ds and ex before taking it further. Ex wife and I quite like each other now - not friends exactly but mutual respect and some warmth and she knows thank goodness that I look after her ds (y dos) well whenever he is with us. Be clear what kind of a stepfather your dc needs and don't even entertain dating someone who doesn't meet those benchmarks. Be as business like about it as you can be. Love will come once you know who he really is.

DH is the only father my ds has ever had and I could love him for that alone, never mind everything else he brings to my life.

Yes after my children's father left me (with 3 kids under 3) I vowed to stay single and did for 8 years. I got a job when my youngest started nursery. Then when she was 5 I got 2 other jobs, and it nearly broke me being a single mother to 3 and working 3 jobs. But then I got talking to a friend of a friend on fb and we hit it off. Next month is our 7 year anniversary and he's the love of my life ❤️ we've gone on to have two children together but to him he has 5 kids. Treats and loves them all the same he's. Hard working loyal and would do anything for me and the kids. We have our troubles sometimes (financially) but tbh if we lost it all I'd be happy to live in a tent with him he's my world x

Honestly OP, when your in the mind set of ‘I need to meet someone to feel good’ it never happens. Or if it does they’re often not very nice.

If you concentrate on being happy in your own skin, appreciating time with family, friends and children, enjoying hobbies and cracking at work and felling confident In yourself, just viewing relationships as something nice if they happen, then that confidence and happiness shines through and makes you very attractive. You also tend to have higher quality relationships because people who want confident and happy women tend to be all round nicer chaps than those who zone in on the needy and desperate.

Goodness Lushlemming all your “single male friends” sound like tossers! (losers)

As this thread has shown, plenty of men think differently, as there are many happily married ex-single moms (one of whom had ten kids).

Also plenty of single moms (like me) who are busy with great careers, raising amazing children and happy as they are:

Ha. No! But I’m the exception.

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Me. I met my DD's father when I was 17, he was 29. He was a drug user, we had a pretty shit few years, co dependent and basically skint, and came very close to things going very badly. Then I got pregnant with dd, unplanned at 19. We stayed together for another 3 years. He was still using (in secret), I wasn't. I was working two jobs to pay our rent and bills. One day I just had enough, he was being violent towards me and caused a fight at a family funeral. So I ended our relationship. I had literally nothing, no possessions, Because he would sell all our stuff, our electrical stuff and baby stuff to buy drugs.

I went back to college and when I was there doing access course, I met a lad who had learned to read in prison. I decided that was the job I was going to do, went to uni, got first class honours, and cleared my debts. I got a teaching placement in a nearby town teaching in the local prison and then because I was in a new town and a bit lonely I joined match.com. First message was from this nice guy, lived locally.

We ended up getting married, we now live in a lovely home, we have two more dc. I never would have thought I would end up here. I look back on those past days and it's like it happened to someone else.

I’m so sorry that you are having a hard time ....
it sounds tough ...
however I’m all honesty you need to deal with stuff now ....
get your kids under control and their behaviour respectful ...
that will improve your wellbeing....

Adding a man to the mayhem you describe would just give you more stress ....

Good luck .... it’s tough bring a single parent ...
but you need to make your own happiness not hope for a prince to come along ....

Op I could have written your post. I'm saving this thread to read later. I hope there are happy stories.

One guy described it like this. He said he gave women a score, like a credit score, and having kids was like having a CCJ, computer says no!

How any woman could be friends with a man who believes this is beyond me. On the plus side his vile attitude means he's more likely to remain alone forever and not punish a woman with his misogynist bullshit.

No I haven't, I've been a LP for a decade. It would be more hassle than it's worth.
I've got no babysitters, a DD who will kick off if I speak to other adults, some health problems and am very lucky to have a mortgage. A relationship isn't practical or sensible.

My beautiful funny clever friend could not meet anyone for years after her ex betrayed her.
She changed her job and someone else started working there shortly after. He asked her out and they were married within a year. Still together, kids all grown up now.

Me!
Single, skint and feeling like it would be just me and Dc forever.
A chance meeting on a (very!) rare night out led to more Dc, a happy marriage, a successful business and a complete change of lifestyle.

A friend once told me that being happy within yourself is the most attractive thing to others.
People see it and want to be part of it.

Left my abusive ex seven years ago and haven’t met anyone since. Some days I cry because I miss a hug, a massage or someone bringing coffee to bed. I miss having someone to talk to. Last night, I was in bed by 6.30pm because the evenings are so long and lonely.

I’m working on a career and being as good a mum as I can. But, still lonely.

I have two daughters so wasn't willing to move a man in. They didn't ask to be born, but once they were born I had a duty to them. Thass how I see it anyway. When my marriage first broke up I had high hopes of eventually meeting someone, but TBH I never met anyone I'd want to live with. The one relationship I had lasted for three years, with us not living together. Once that ended I'd had had enough. Lushlemming is talking about it from the male point of view, men acting like they're some great catch. Well, they're not 😂

I'm sure there is a man out there for you. I was/am a single mother. My DS left home in September so now I am alone. I met plenty of really nice guys on nights out but it never went any further then I lovely chat or maybe a kiss. Now my DS has left I want to try harder to find someone.

Querty

No they're not though. I can't fault their logic either. Why would a single man, who could have a relationship with a woman who doesn't have children, get into a relationship with a single mother?

They're all good guys, professional, and all have the utmost respect for women. But they just don't want to date any woman who has children.

I don't think you calling them "tossers" portrays you in a good light. It's abusive and uncalled for. Would you call a woman who didn't want to date a man with kids, a tosser?

Not cool.

I did meet someone but before I did I was 100% happy in myself. This came as a huge shock to me because although I was in my early 40's I'd always had low self esteem, low ambition and thought everything would be ok if I met the right man... being this way made me make some terrible relationship choices and accept poor behaviour. I'm not saying you were anyway like me but the advice to be happy i yourself is sound.
I'm still with my partner and this is the first relationship that I have boundaries and funnily enough I have never been so happy.
I also know that if this relationship ended I'd be fine being single and wouldn't actively pursue another one.