SAHPs

[AvadaKedavra1]

So a little conversation on FB, well a debate.

Here is snippet:

Me: Those who choose to spend time as stay at home parents should be able to afford such a luxury. If you can't afford it, it's simple, go to work.

Poster: little bit ignorant.. I’m not saying their whole life I’m saying until their 5. Until they’re emotionally ready to be away from their parent

Me: Some people don't have that luxury. 5 years is a long time to be out of the workforce. Sorry but I want the best for my little girl and I want her to know when she grows up she can have a career as well as children. You won't have much luck apart from a minimum wage job if leave work for 5 years. Career gone. Poof.

Emotionally ready? I was 16 weeks when my mum went back to work full time and our relationship is great, she's my rock. I'm also a lot more realistic knowing my mum had to go out an earn a living. Christ these days it is a rare luxury for a mum to be at home for the first 5 years, it isn't financially sustainable for most. Besides, kids need to mix with other children, learn to be separated from mummy/daddy well before they go to school. My little girl will be just turning 4 when she goes to school.

You are the ignorant one if you are that blind sighted that you think it's that simple to just stay at home for 5 year when you can't afford it!

I definitely don't agree with 'let's stay at home for 5 years and rely on the benefit system to put food in my child's mouth'.

Ludicrous and entitled.

Was BU? What are your thoughts?

*and make it more extended

Personally I don't have an issue with women who decide to be sahp. As said. People do what they want/think is best. Some will rely on benefits to do so, well, if you don't want to go owrk, you are going to make the best of what is available to you, that human nature.

What does get to me though is those who've made that choice willingly but then moan and seek pity when life doesn't evolve as they'd imagined. A friend and I became single parents around the same time. I opted to work and she opted to go on benefits. At the time, everything taken into account, I was hardly better off than her working PT. She showed little sympathy when I would tell her I didn't want to go out because I was too tired and used to make little comments how I was stupid to kill myself at work when I didn't need to and at times also insinuated that my kids would suffer from being in childcare ft.

This was 15 years ago and I wouldmt trade her life for mine. She is now caught in the stress of a future on very little money, seeing her benefits and child maintenance disappearing as her children are leaving education, facing the prospe t of having to look for ft work when all she's e er worked was 16 hours, and not much prospect of earning over nmw. She is constantly moaning how unfair it is, how I can't understand because I have it so good now.

I do like her a lot becsuse she is fun and she does have a huge heart, but at times it's hard to bite my tongue and not tell her that she had a choice 15 years ago, and she took the easy route. My kids are doing better than hers, so in our case, the whole 'your kids will suffer from being brought up by childcare staff' isn't accurate either. I'm trying to-be supportive because I do feel bad for her, but ultimately, that's the choice she made without thinking of the long term. She said she'd expected to be married again by now, she almost did but it didn't work out.

I'm a SAHP because we can't afford for me to work. We're on WTC, DH works 20 hours, I'm only allowed to work 10 before our money's cut. And out of that 10 hours I'm supposed to pay 80% of childcare.

My view is that everyone tries to make the best life they can for their family. I have done every combination of working hours possible and none during my 23 year parenting journey.
One observation I would make is that frequently people who berate others for not working have has different luck and life chances than others. People rarely actually think about their luck. They may have supportive parents that they can fall back on, they may have gone to a good school and got good qualifications, someone might have given them that first good job on a career path. Their career might have good benefits and flexible working. They their children and partner might be blessed with good health and not have disabilities.
Many people who do not work when kids are small are quite right in their decision. If you earn 8 to 10 an hour and have 1 child it is marginal. Have 2 and it's hard to justify. Not everyone now has jobs where you need to worry About the impact on your pension at 68, cos your employer is only paying in 1 percent anyway.
People make their own decisions based on what they have in front of them. Don't patronize people because they make different decisions to you.

You won't have much luck apart from a minimum wage job if leave work for 5 years. Career gone. Poof.

Not true. YABU. Can’t go back in to teaching/accounting/legal field, etc? Don’t be silly.

Maisy I don't understand why people think it's morally superior to work

You won't have much luck apart from a minimum wage job if leave work for 5 years. Career gone

I stayed at home for 5 years (until my youngest was 3. I’m a teacher...I walked straight back into a supply job and have recently landed a full time cover for the next few months. I also have just secured a job share position starting in sept so not all jobs are hard to get back into

Just forget about it..what does it even matter anyway. Live and let live.

Just wanting to get people's opinions on mum's working or not working when it's the state funding them

How about people's opinions on parents working or not working when the state is funding their childcare? Oh but that's different isn't it?

Quite happy to take tax cuts in child care and payment towards the child care, cause the state funding that is different isn't it?

I don't have a gripe with SAHP's, just SAHP that stay at home for years and not be self supporting.

Interesting seeing as you're incapable of self supporting yourself right now. As you're in UC topping up Maternity pay I'm guessing when you go back to work you'll need lots of support, financial and otherwise.

Bit of free childcare here, a grandparent to rely on their, a friend to pick children up etc etc etc.

Don't bleat and moan about a person in public when in private you're little better.

eggnog has it.

Just to clarify, I wasn't trying to be judgemental or have an arugument with this girl. I made the sweeping comment of entitled etc as I'm fed up with people making women feel guilty for going back to work. Me and this lady have different opinions and I definitely didn't mean to sound like I was belittling people or anything. I wanted other people's opinions to see if mine was in the minority. People tend to give a different perspective. I'm thinking I probably should have worded it differently and asked with out cut and pasting, I was just being lazy.

I know there are several scenarios that make it impossible for someone to work.

My personal gripe is people staying at home years on end, relying on the state purely because they want to stay at home. It's a luxury these days not a right.

I am also aware that full time workers in low or even average paid jone are relying on state assistance for a childcare and ridiculously high living costs, that is totally different to someone who just doesn't work at all AND relys on state benefits because they don't want to. People in low paid jobs are working to provide for their family and are at least trying. And if you are in a low laid job you have up to 85% of your childcare bill funded, which is a massive chunk, then at 2-4 funded places are available.

I also definitely agree that their should be more affordable childcare (it's cost is shocking) and more flexible working etc. I understand it's made difficult to go back to work, but I believe people should try, even part time.

The only situation I don't agree with is being a SAHP that doesn't work because they don't want to but still rely expect state benefits for years on end.

@Jackshouse yes I am a parent. RTFT

Why is it okay to have state subsidised childcare while you work but not take state benefits and look after your own kids?

I am so glad I took time out of my day to answer your question for no thanks and for you to swear at me. YABU

Why is it okay to have state subsidised childcare while you work but not take state benefits and look after your own kids?

Absolutely!

I was a SAHP until DS started school and was "funded by the state" for much of that time. I was on income support for 3 and a half years.

I really genuinely don't care what anyone's opinion on that is. I did it because working wasn't financially worthwhile because of childcare costs. I know there are people who think I should have worked from a moral point of view but I did not want to put my young child in nursery all day for no financial gain at all. And I know lots of people don't have that choice, but I did have the choice to stay on benefits because I wasn't required to look for work until DS was at school. So I didn't.

It wasn't a fun life on income support. It took very careful budgeting and I had to plan my food shopping down to the last penny.

I did not intend to stay on IS forever and indeed I walked straight back into work the week after DS started full time school. I have a school hours job and I'm lucky to have found that. I get tax credits to top up my income and I'm miles better off than I was being unemployed. I wouldn't want to go back to that.

I will go back to full time work when DS is older. But I'm doing what I'm doing for now and I don't care what other people think.

They’re wrong to say ‘until 5’ - each to their own.

You’re wrong to claim you’ll get nothing but minimum wage. I’m qualified and will return, at some point, to a qualified role where I’ll earn more than minimum wage.

You each to go back in your boxes.

It's a luxury these days not a right

Theres your answer then. If it's such a luxury, don't keep being resentful and jealous, you do it too.

Then pop back here in a year and let us know how you're loving it... Guaranteed you won't be..

Why are you in a benefits Group in the first place OP? If you're so convinced your way is right, and people reliant on welfare are scum, why are you discussing it? Is it to make the feel worse or make you feel better?
Let's face it you're basically saying,
"I use the state funds to support me, but that's me, but other people aren't allowed too."

So you make people feel guilty for staying at home? Ok then...

You are judgemental.

@Ansumpasty sorry I meant it's not easy getting back into work. Well I don't believe so, everyone I know who's stayed off work for that length of time has found it tough.

@KlutzyDraconequus no, once I'm back at work I won't rely on the state, nor free childcare from grandparents. They are both under 50 with full time jobs. I maybe having maternity pay topped up, this is because although I have a fairly well paid job, my maternity is just SMP, we don't have a good maternity package, just 100% for 6 weeks. I am passed that now.

@Ethel36 true, just tired and grouchy! Also fed up with up working mum guilt and being told I am not going to bringing my daughter up if I go back to work!

@Youngandfree I'm pleased for you!

@O4FS no such assumption has been made, I have said I'm all for SAHP if it's affordable and you can self support. I just don't agree with people staying at home not working for years on end and relying on state help. I for one would love to stay at home but I can't afford to.

@swingofthings I have a friend too a bit like this and she is categorically telling me not to work until she's at school, she was out of work for 9 years and is really struggling.

@swingofthings never thought of it like that m, thank you.

I think you should make the choices that are right for your family. Wind your neck in and stop being so judgemental about other people's choices.

‘Ludicrous and entitled’

@Jackshouse when did i swear at you? I said I was a parent and you should read the full thread and you'd know I was.

@O4FS people can stay at home, I just don't think it's a right and people shouldn't get to rely on benefits for years on end to fund their choice of being a SAHP. If you can't afford it, go to work is my opinion.

Seline
I have no idea why working is seen as better or superior if people can afford to stay home. I couldn't care less as long as people make an informed decision based on what they can afford and the consequences of that decision (e.g. not giving up financial independence for years with zero legal protection)

For me on the subsidised childcare vs staying at home, it's part of a bigger picture of pension contributions, access to state pension, women's earning potential etc. Part time work with some support for childcare, making it so people are better off in work than on benefits etc is a better way in my opinion than paying people to still be in a precarious financial position in years to come.

What people do when they have the household resources to decide is up to them, I just don't believe people should opt out of working and expect the state to pay for them long term.
I believe in having a strong welfare state (and one much more robust in many places than we have now). I just think people should cut their coat according to their cloth. Nobody needs to have multiple children they can't afford and it's wrong (in my opinion) to expect years out of work subsidised by the state.

You said RTFT. If I am not mistaking that is read the fucking thread.