SAHPs

[AvadaKedavra1]

So a little conversation on FB, well a debate.

Here is snippet:

Me: Those who choose to spend time as stay at home parents should be able to afford such a luxury. If you can't afford it, it's simple, go to work.

Poster: little bit ignorant.. I’m not saying their whole life I’m saying until their 5. Until they’re emotionally ready to be away from their parent

Me: Some people don't have that luxury. 5 years is a long time to be out of the workforce. Sorry but I want the best for my little girl and I want her to know when she grows up she can have a career as well as children. You won't have much luck apart from a minimum wage job if leave work for 5 years. Career gone. Poof.

Emotionally ready? I was 16 weeks when my mum went back to work full time and our relationship is great, she's my rock. I'm also a lot more realistic knowing my mum had to go out an earn a living. Christ these days it is a rare luxury for a mum to be at home for the first 5 years, it isn't financially sustainable for most. Besides, kids need to mix with other children, learn to be separated from mummy/daddy well before they go to school. My little girl will be just turning 4 when she goes to school.

You are the ignorant one if you are that blind sighted that you think it's that simple to just stay at home for 5 year when you can't afford it!

I definitely don't agree with 'let's stay at home for 5 years and rely on the benefit system to put food in my child's mouth'.

Ludicrous and entitled.

Was BU? What are your thoughts?

Were ya on the gin? Or what has you up at 3am arguing on Facebook over benefits.

*bigger house from the council.

@almutasakieun no gin here. Just can't sleep, in a funny mood. Might have something to do with the silly discussion I wouldn't usually have.

It does seem like you're having a go at her, and at people on benefits.

For that reason, and because the subject has been done to death on MN, I know where I stand after all these years, and I find these threads soon become a bun fight and are goady/journo fodder, I won't contribute further now I've helped you sort out the name issue. As they say on a certain TV programme, I'm out.

Yeah, those awful people, popping out babies for the benefits cash

I'm a SAHM. We aren't entitled to anything other than child benefit. I'll stay at home if I damn well want to. It's no one else's business. You aren't better than me for going to work, and I'm not better than you for staying at home.

@BBInGinDrinking thank you, I didn't mean to sound like I was. Definitely not, as while I'm only recieving maternity pay I'm on UC.

Just wanting to get people's opinions on mum's working or not working when it's the state funding them. If I'd posted the rest of the conversation it would show I wasn't meaning to have a go at anyone.

I have my own views about benefits (currently on them).

I have no idea, as you drip fed that the person you were arguing with had 12 children and wants a bigger house.

That shit, I couldn't be arguing with either. I have known friends to breastfeed to get more out of the government/not allow their exes to have access etc.

Women are as well capable as the next fella of taking the piss.

You didn't post the full convo though. So, I'm also out.

@HoneysuckIejasmine I'm glad that you can stay at home. I'm still on maternity leave so not at work. I wasn't asking about all SAHPs. My ideal situations would be that I could afford to stay at home looking after my little girl for a while longer than planned but I can't afford to and don't think I should do it state funded.

If you can afford to stay at home without it being subsidised by the state then great - it's a luxury not many have. I can't, I wasn't having a dig at those who can. I was trying to gauge at how it can be right to stay at home claiming benefits and then not worn for 5 years!

@almutasakieun it wasn't a dripfed comment, it wasn't her who had 12 children, it was a lady on This Morning a while ago. I made that comment based on someone not taking it seriously that people do have benefits for money.

*sorry babies for money.

Neither you or your friend are unreasonable to hold and express your own beliefs.

You are unreasonable to copy and paste your FB discussion to MN.

Just to deal with the X posts: The thing is, OP, you're taking people's words on a benefit support thread, repeating them here, without their knowledge or permission, out of context, and using the words against them to strengthen your own argument. Your own argument is based, as you've said, on having one baby and actually being on UC yourself. Surely, based on your argument, you should have gone almost straight back to work from the maternity ward and not claimed?

I count myself lucky not to have to rely on social housing and especially UC, but I know enough not to feel the need to throw stones at people who do, for whatever reason.

What about those who cant afford to go back? Childcare fees can be more than a wage once you need to pay for full days rather than just your working hours.
SAHM here. Worked til youngest went to school, the events conspired to make me a SAHM, but family is self supporting.

I think it's ideal for someone to be at home with the kids until they start school, but that doesn't mean that it's bad if that can't happen. Both my parents always worked and I don't think it did me any harm?

And I do agree that if you can't afford to stay at home with the kids then you shouldn't be doing it on handouts from the government, but then again you don't know everyone's individual circumstances so it's hard to judge.

I think ultimately most people with kids are just trying to do their best and we shouldn't worry too much about what everyone else is/isn't doing.

I don't think there are many people who have babies for benefits and bigger houses. It's mostly a myth, peddled by shite journalists who don't do any evidence based research. Watching This Morning where a mother of 12 wants a bigger council house is hardly proof of that.

I hate these SAHM vs WM debates. It always ends in a bun fight.

@BBInGinDrinking you're spot on, I shouldn't have posted her words or this post at all.

I can't go back to work straight from the maternity ward, it's compulsory to take 2 weeks off at least. Then you have to give a minimum of 8 weeks notice to return.

Its one thing to take 9 months or a year off or whatever. My argument isn't about that, it's about taking several state funded years off just because you want to. Once I return to April my salary will mean I'm no longer entitled. I'm not going to take 5years off that the state will have to fund because I can't.

Again, I wasn't meaning to sound like I was having a go at her. I just wanted other people's opinions. Definitely not intentionally used to strengthen my own argument, it was all we had said at the time. It was directly cut and pasted so not manipulated.

@QwertyLou I see that now, I just wanted other people's opinions. I definitely shouldn't have posted the discussion. Lesson learned.

@BBInGinDrinking and the 'emotionally ready' guilt trip comment she said got at me because I already feel guilty enough that I will be leaving my baby at a nursery so young.

@WinterHeatWave I agree, childcare costs are extoriante. You are a SAHM in a self supporting family, that's great! All good :)

@LuckyLou7 it still does happen though.

I don't have a gripe with SAHP's, just SAHP that stay at home for years and not be self supporting.

Please note, the lady I was talking to is not a lazy stay at home benefits Britain mum. I wanted opinions on our opinions.

We're funding these parasites to produce lots of babies, though...

@ReanimatedSGB

I'm not a royalist by any stretch but don't they bring in lots if money to the country in tourism etc..

Child care is so expensive it's not worth working, would you work if you lost 90% of your pay to childcare?

Ok. I have 3DC and I'm currently a SAHM. I went back to work pt after DC1 and DC2 then didn't bother after DC3 because my salary as an experienced teacher with TLR would be hammered by 2 x childcare + wraparound care for eldest. So I took a career break and I'm loving it. We chose to have 3 DC. We are self funded and receive zero benefits. No child benefit, nothing. So in your eyes I'm ok. I suppose I'm at one end of an earning spectrum but you're not annoyed at me.

Several friends or mums I know from school are SAHP. Most have 1 or 2 DC. Some are like me, the ok ones by your standard. We have married well and have DH's who fund us with no state involvement. We also have nice careers to fall back on ourselves. Others, well I guess they just didn't try at school did they The earning potential of some people simply cannot match the cost of childcare for even 1 or 2 children. So should they pay to go to work or just not be allowed to breed? They are at the opposite end of the earning spectrum and scum. Gotcha.

You are in the middle of the spectrum I suppose. Your family rely on your wage but you earn enough to counteract the childcare costs? You resent people further down the spectrum but only in one direction, is that correct?

Please note, the lady I was talking to is not a lazy stay at home benefits Britain mum.

Benefits Britain. You absolute £&*! OP.

I think it's extremely horrible to copy somebodies exact posts from fb and post them where they can't defend themselves to try and get other people to say what a horrible person they are.
I'm a sahm I get child benefit and a small amount of tax credits. Childcare is expensive, I have no family to help and we were no better off with me in work in fact we were worse off most months.
Life throws many things at people best not to judge.

Yes and post a link to this later It's one way to try and win an argument, or lose as it may be. Though it's just as awful to make someone feel bad for going back to work.

Yabu to have an argument over Facebook.

From your post you are not a parent but I’m unsure if you are being critical of her parenting decision or if it was a hypothetical dicussion. How how training/knowledge do you have in attachment theory and child development do you have?

Anyway in the UK bringing a family up on benefits does not put you in a good financial situation.