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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invitations to MY house and I'm not invited...

156 replies

cantbearsed007 · 18/01/2019 21:16

He just moved in. To my house. I love him dearly.

Invite through the post - to him. Only him. He's clarified with them - I'm not invited.

Christening / bah-mitzvah / wedding breakfast / funeral wake type invite.

"We're restricted on numbers. Oh there's simply no room for HER."

AIBU to be a little peeved?

OP posts:
Original poster
cantbearsed007 · 18/01/2019 23:10

I'm not the OW, he has said he is as upset as I am about having received such a strange (he said divisive) invite.

OP posts:
LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 18/01/2019 23:11

To be honest if my husband was invited to a christening and I was left off I'd be fucking thrilled.

WellBHouse · 18/01/2019 23:13

It’s c christening, not a sit down wedding reception. It’s so bizarre to not invite you, and specifically say there’s no room, there must be a reason they don’t want to there. So fuck them!

showmethegin · 18/01/2019 23:19

I think the "invitation coming to my house" thing is a red herring. You're upset that your DP's mates didn't invite you to a party.

After 2 years and a baby on the way I agree that is very odd. They don't sound like people I would be itching to get to know to be honest!

PinaColada1 · 18/01/2019 23:30

Yanbu as far as I can tell.

How is your DP with introducing you to his friends etc? My DP was invited to a wedding from his ‘best mate’ at work, a woman. Not me. Every wedding of my friends had invited him too. We were living together and also had a baby.

I said to DP I was upset. He had a word with her and I got invited. She was not friendly to me at the wedding at all. He had excused it as being a work colleague only invite. I had said then why is she your ‘best friend’ and not invite me.

Some people have compartmentalised and excluding friendships. It’s usually not healthy. My DP ended up having a family that also excluded me. DP was not presenting us as a partnership.

Is yours?

Fraying · 18/01/2019 23:34

It's strange but it shouldn't be divisive or cause problems between you. He just politely declines.

TheMaddHugger · 18/01/2019 23:35

Anyone else think there was going to be a party at OP's home and she wasn't invited ?

(((Hugs))) OP🌸🌼🌺

PinaColada1 · 18/01/2019 23:36

I think if he’s upset too that’s a good sign.

My DP didn’t care if his friends or family excluded me. Which is why we are separating.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 18/01/2019 23:40

You should have shared it all in the OP I was thinking YABU based on your OP.

I think this is rude yes, I would never invite a person to christening without their family because they are family events. Also christenings are rarely catered in a way which means you have to limit numbers. It's usually a buffet or tea and cakes so not including you and your DC is a blatant snub.

I would not be happy OP. Hopefully your partner isn't happy either and will be declining.

Returning2thesceneofthecrime · 18/01/2019 23:44

You are allowed to be peeved. Bad form on their part. But get over it. They are obviously not as good friends to him or to you as you thought.

I think your DP should skip the event and say why. But if he doesn’t, don’t bother reminding him to buy a card and christening present and under no circumstances do it for him.

And I think I get the ‘invitation to my house’ thing as well - it shows that they know he has moved in with you and you are not ‘just’ a random girlfriend but a serious significant other.

Maelstrop · 18/01/2019 23:46

Odd and I’d want my DP to speak to his mates and say he isn’t going because you’re not invited. You’ve been together 2 years, ridiculous not to include you.

TheBigBangRocks · 19/01/2019 07:49

So he's not allowed post unless it's fir both of you? He's allowed to have his own friends and do things alone.

He's barely moved in, his friends likely still see him in the early stages of a relationship and invited him alone on that basis.

AJPTaylor · 19/01/2019 07:55

Well that's easily dealt with. I assume he doesn't wish to spend a Sunday afternoon sitting in a church hall without you. Put them down as weird. Esp if you are clearly a family. Put them in the "odd box" firmly close the lid and move on. Life is too short to be peeved by other people's behaviour.

Veterinari · 19/01/2019 08:00

This could be anything from an OP with an unrequited crush on her lodger to an OP with a long term partner. Which is it?

Who did the inviting? That’s pretty relevant! Ex-wife inviting your new lodger to their child’s bar mitzvah. Of course it’s reasonable you aren’t invited

Sister of your long term partner not inviting you to her wedding - that’s a bit more nuanced

HomeMadeMadness · 19/01/2019 08:01

I agree that the house thing is irrelevant. If course they would send it to your house because it's his house too. The only issue is why you weren't invited.

Veterinari · 19/01/2019 08:04

Sorry - issues with thread loading - I see OP’s been back!

cloudtree · 19/01/2019 08:04

Easy - he doesn't go Confused

Shoxfordian · 19/01/2019 08:07

Yes, I thought you meant a party at your house and you weren't invited

It's rude of them, what does your partner think? Is he still going?

ninja · 19/01/2019 08:07

I'm guessing the issue will be that including you also includes 2 young (I'm
assuming) kids - so it goes from 1 to 4.

I'm not excusing it just wondering if this is the case

thecatsthecats · 19/01/2019 08:10

If your partner is upset about it, then he doesn't have to go. But I couldn't get worked up about this.

Christenings are boring. I would be thrilled not to have to go and pretend to renounce Satan etc (who even though I don't believe he exists is just doing his job).

I am only two months married, and I loathe the expectation that my husband and I are joined at the hip now. We managed joint and independent routines for 11 years before marriage, and I can't imagine anything more claustrophobic than going to every single occasion together for life.

mirialis · 19/01/2019 08:32

Ninja has a point - if they invite you then it's also your two dc. Some church things actually do have restrictions on numbers - depends on the size of the church! My DH was recently invited to something that was limited numbers due to limited space meaning I was not invited - none of the partners from that friendship group were invited (would have added 8 people).

If you want to know the truth then your partner needs to call up/meet with his friend and ask them outright if it is just you who is not invited and, if so, please spit it out why.

Otherwise he now has convenient excuse to skip christening if he doesn't want to go (agree with pp, they are boring).

DaisyYellow · 19/01/2019 17:34

Relax, in a few months you can invite only one of them to your own baby’s christening.

niknac1 · 19/01/2019 17:47

Daisy Yellow that is funny. I would be upset as well.

Jeepy · 19/01/2019 17:54

Oooops, best he doesn't go then....

Nanny0gg · 19/01/2019 18:13

Odd and I’d want my DP to speak to his mates and say he isn’t going because you’re not invited. You’ve been together 2 years, ridiculous not to include you.

^This. and ^this to any further such invitations.

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