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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my dp is a fucking idiot

81 replies

LEMtheoriginal · 18/01/2019 20:11

I am so bloody angry and upset.

I have a hospital appointment on monday. Or at least i think i do. Ive been very stressed about it.

I received a letter today telling me that it has been rearranged "as requested". I didn't request this.

Dp got home at about 3.30 today and read the letter. I didnt get in from work until 7.

Why in the name of all that is holy didn't he ring me at work and tell me. In fact i rang home about 5 to check something. No mention.

So i somehow manage to get through to somebody who is most put out that i dared to ring after 5 that their booking reception is closed. I explain that i have a procedure booked that i need to prepare for and i need to know if its still going ahead.

She was actually really blunt with me and said well you are booked in on monday at 11.30 AND the other date. I explained this would be a single appointment, no follow ups expected. Furthermore the appointment is at a different lication as to where i booked. I was told well Mr X can't be in two places at once and hes booked in at location A. My appointment is supposed to be in location B 30 miles away Hmm

I asked her what had happened but she could only access the appointments at the location she is at.

So where do i go? Have i still got an appointment? Ive had to prearrange time off work and i have to prepare for the procedure.

Why the fuck didnt my DP check this for me? Why didnt he call me so i had the opportunity to check for myself.

I am still not sure if i have an appointment or not. I suffer from anxiety and my main trigger is not knowing what is happening. Im already shitting myself about the appointment. He knows this but we have just had a blazing row and he fails to see why im upset Angry

OP posts:
BeepBop · 18/01/2019 20:14

Prepare as you would if you were having the procedure and phone first thing Monday when the lines open to clarify when/where.
Good luck.

KungFuPandaWorks · 18/01/2019 20:14

I get you're angry, but I don't see it's DH fault. I'm guessing he would have got the exact same answers you did. And would they have even spoke with DH about it.

whiteworld · 18/01/2019 20:15

I don’t think it’s your h’s fault. If he hadn’t been at home, you wouldn’t have got the letter till you got home. Inefficient by the hospital. Why is your h opening your post, anyway?

I’d have asked the person you spoke to to look into it and ring you first thing Monday to confirm correct place and time.

It’s not your h’s fault. Don’t take your anxiety out on him.

HomeMadeMadness · 18/01/2019 20:16

I totally sympathise with your anxiety it really is horrible. I don't think dp can be blamed though. He might well have thought it didn't require any action so didn't think to do anything. It just sounds unfortunate that you're being told so late.

One thing to bare in mind are you sure your appointment wasn't originally two appointments at the same place and only one has been changed? (happened to me once I was told my appointment had been rearranged so I didn't turn up on the original date I then got a letter telling me off for missing the half of the appointment which hadn't been rearranged.)

Honestly though it will be fine, you can call first thing Monday morning. It's a pain to feel anxious over the weekend but you'll be fine in a few days.

OracleofDelphi · 18/01/2019 20:17

It’s not his job to do this tbh and it’s not his job to u detests d every single anxiety trigger .... I say this in the nicest possible way as I suffer with GAD. But that’s me who suffers not my DH or my DC... I would say easiest solution is call 9 am on Monday and go from there .... if spot is 11.30 and you’re only 30 miles away from one location there will still be time to drive to location A or B ....

I do t think he’s done this on purpose so it will be a waste of energy being cross tbh

Onceihadaname · 18/01/2019 20:18

When my mum had her cataract surgery she had it at hospital A. She needed a follow up check up but as the surgeon split his time across 2 sites the follow up had to happen at hospital B so i drove her over.
Could it be something like this and they just haven't explained very well?

BuffaloCauliflower · 18/01/2019 20:19

I understand you’re feeling very stressed here so please take this kindly, but your DP hasn’t done anything wrong. I wouldn’t expect my DP to read my post before I was home for a start, or to make these kind of calls for me, unless specifically requested by me for some reason.

I really hope you can sort out the appointment situation and find a way to feel calmer about it, but please don’t blame your DP. I suffer with mental health problems too and relate to the anxiety rage that lashes out at the nearest person, I’ve done it myself, but he’s done nothing wrong.

Kintan · 18/01/2019 20:20

You are angry at the wrong person. How does the hospital think it’s ok to send you a letter that arrives on a Friday pertaining to the following Monday?! What if you’d been away for the weekend? And why is your partner opening your post anyway?

OracleofDelphi · 18/01/2019 20:20

Wow bad typos .... I mean this kindly as it will all be ok in most likelyhood

Original poster
LEMtheoriginal · 18/01/2019 20:22

My DP opens my post. I open his. For the exact reason that if something needs to be actioned.

Yes if he didnt open it i wouldn't have known. But he did so letting me know so that i don't have to spend the entire weekend stressed out not knowing if i even have an appointment and where to go.

He got shitty with me and said i raised my voice and i probably did but i wasnt shouting. It was more like wtaf do i do now.

The procedure is likely to be painful and i may need further investigation and im petrified.

Surely i should be forgiven for getting upset about this?

OP posts:
budgetneeded · 18/01/2019 20:22

You’re clearly very anxious about this appointment. Dealing with this at work probably wouldn’t have been appropriate.

Kintan · 18/01/2019 20:26

OP if I happened to open a letter addressed to my husband and it said something about an appointment being rearranged ‘as requested’ I probably wouldn’t have mentioned it before they saw the letter as I’d assume it was something they were aware of. I get that this wasn’t the case here, but it is not your partners fault that the hospital is crap at communication. Be angry at them not your partner!

Hadjab · 18/01/2019 20:27

Maybe instead of getting the blame thrower out and focusing on what your DP has or hasn’t done, you should try focusing on managing your anxiety?

Ohgoon · 18/01/2019 20:28

Maybe he thought you had requested the change so wasn't concerned.

You need to apologise for taking all of this out on him.

Drogosnextwife · 18/01/2019 20:29

They can't send a letter out on a Friday to rearrange an appointment for a Monday if their reception is shut over the weekend. What if no one was home from work until 6pm. They don't know your DH was home to find the letter. Can't see it as his fault tbh

whiteworld · 18/01/2019 20:31

You’re allowed to be upset, but sounds like you’ve been unfair and aggressive to your h. How are you managing your anxiety?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 18/01/2019 20:32

Yes totally unreasonable. You’re angry at the wrong person. None of this is his fault. You’re being unfair.

Kahlua4me · 18/01/2019 20:35

I am sorry you are feeling so anxious but I don’t think it is your dhs fault. Best plan is to prepare for the procedure and then ring first thing on Monday to find out where you are supposed to be.

The wording on the letter wasn’t to good but it probably said that to make them look okay for rearranging it.

I hope you manage to control your anxiety over the weekend., perhaps find some nice activities to pamper yourself with ...

iklboo · 18/01/2019 20:36

The hospital wouldn't have spoken to your DH. I do get that you're upset and anxious but it's not really his fault.

KataraJean · 18/01/2019 20:36

You need to assume procedure is at location A as the receptionist said, and prepare accordingly. Call Monday morning to double-check.

Each take responsibility for opening their own post. I understand your frustration, but the ‘as requested’ would lead your DP to believe you knew. He cannot be expected to read your mind.

All the very best with the procedureFlowers

OftenHangry · 18/01/2019 20:36

Sorry, but he has done nothing wrong. It said "as requested" so he quite rightly assumed you know.
You should really do something about this anxiety. Are you having treatment? Because thisreaction isnot good at all for your relationship and yourself.

Original poster
LEMtheoriginal · 18/01/2019 20:39

So if the person i spoke to said their computer said the consultant is at one hospital and i am booked in for that appointment, that its definately at location A do you think that is more likely than the appointment being moved when i didnt request it to be moved?

I was originally called by the booking person and offered an appointment at a different location as it would be quicker. It is for a one off procedure

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 18/01/2019 20:39

OP I understand how you're feeling, I would be in your shoes too. I suffer from anxiety and hate not knowing what's going on.

I mean this in the nicest possible way but your DP has done nothing wrong. The hospital has messed up, they shouldn't be sending letters out on a Friday for a Monday appointment. He probably assumed you knew about it anyway because it says as requested.

This is not your DP's fault, YABU for being angry at him YANBU to be angry at the hospital.

justasking111 · 18/01/2019 20:39

Hospitals have form for this. It is sneaky imo. If I had read that letter for you I would have presumed it was you who had made the request. So would not have given it another thought.

User758172 · 18/01/2019 20:40

He really didn’t do anything wrong. You need to apologise to him and work on your anxiety. It shouldn’t affect him like this.