To think it must be impossible to do a degree and have a child?

[ALittleCrisp]

DC would be around 2.5/3 years old when I would start my university degree.

But, due to the nature of the degree, childcare is then made impossible.

I don't have family locally to help out. No chance of moving back nearer to my hometown etc.

So the only thing I could do is rely on a childminder or nursery. But that doesn't work for night shift placements, and it doesn't work practically because the days and times I need the childcare in place would change weekly!

How on earth do people do this with children?

Small children

AIBU to say it's near on impossible without a great support network.

It's doable! I had a baby during my midwifery training and so then had to find childcare for when I returned to finish my degree. I used the hospital nursery, paid for 3 days and just made sure I got a mentor working on those days, but that time uni days were alot less than at the beginning of the course. Working nights and weekends was the easiest as husband was around. It's tough, but so worth it!

We very rarely have students on at night !
Once in a blue moon.

I was often the only student. Was great! Got so much more experience and managed to get my normal births fairly easily.

I did it with children.I had many many meltdowns over the stress and guilt of juggling it all and that was with a very supportive dh, family and friends. I couldn't have done it without them.

I did have to work a lot of nights to be honest and there was very little opportunity to change the shifts I was given.

I did a degree and my dc we 2 and 4 when i started. I had ds2 in third year, waters broke at the start of a 3 hour lecture and i stayed through it all as I didnt want to cause a fuss, i then had a 2 week break and cuddled him as i wrote my dissertation. I got a 2.1 so did ok too.
Im now doing a nursing degree and the kids are 10, 8 and 3 on monday.
It is doable with good organisation skills and support. I actually got to the point with my first degree that I couldnt wrote an essay without background noise as i wrote most essays at the soft play.

You're asking the wrong question you know. It's not about finding childcare to fit around your hours, it's about finding childcare to fit round your DPs hours. And if that means he has to compress his hours or start later/finish earlier then that's what has to happen.

I’m doing a post graduate course now. Full time course load plus a placement. I have two children; 6 and 9. I have very good support from my husband, parents and Aunt. Without them there is no way I could do it. Class hours are almost all outside normal school / after school hours. I’m often in class until 8-10 pm.

you are definitely being unreasonable in your OP - loads of women have successfully managed to do a degree with young kids.

you then do a massive "drip feed" (too big to be called a drip feed really. more like an info dump) that this is in fact a midwifery degree and that the nature of the training includes shadowing a qualified mentor who will gave work pattern that is beyond your control.

your problem isn't with doing a degree with kids, it's doing that specific course with kids and no support network. and yes I think you are right that this specific course is impossible for someone in your very specific circumstances.

yabvvvu to generalise that very specific situation to the blanket statement in the thread title. that shows a lack of thinking that I would not expect to see in any aspiring university-level student.

you probably need to change your career aspirations and pick an entirely different course that doesn't have content outside of standard nursery hours. if that is unacceptable then either you will need to wait till the kids are senior-school age and can fend for themselves in the gaps between school hours and your DH bring at home. Or your DH will need to exercise his right to request flexible hours and move to a work pattern that is compatible with this course (and it would be until the kids are old enough not to need a parent around at home because your work pattern once qualified would be just as bad). or you could relocate back to the area where you have a support network.

my recommendation would be to pick a different career.

It's possible just difficult, FILn did his degree, masters and PhD when DH was a child in an engineering field that required random shifts and placements, MIL worked full time throughout and often long hours, DH is currently doing his MA in a clinical field and again will include placements, my job includes national travel, although I'm currently on mat leave which makes it easier. Your childcare needs to relate to your DHs shifts and he needs to be able to do drop off and pick up, do if you're not around it doesn't matter

Are you a single parent OP. As a single parent I would say it’s nigh on impossible unless you have super supportive friends and relatives close by.

DD did a HCP degree as an 18-21 year old with no children and at times due to the location of her placements (sixty miles away from uni home) it nearly killed her.

With a child, it would have been impossible, the shifts are sometimes brutal. And 50% of the course is spent on placement.

But not as brutal as when you are qualified and working. Then they are worse.

yabvvvu to generalise that very specific situation to the blanket statement in the thread title. that shows a lack of thinking that I would not expect to see in any aspiring university-level student.

Bloody hell.

*yabvvvu to generalise that very specific situation to the blanket statement in the thread title. that shows a lack of thinking that I would not expect to see in any aspiring university-level student.

grin Bloody hell.*

This is true though and especially for midwifery. You are there to serve yourwomen, and with the reintroduction of continuity of care models your, circumstances, Situation is irrelevant if your woman needs you you are expected to drop everything and go.

Some nurseries are flexible. Also some unis don’t actually send students on that many placements. My nearest is maximum 20 weeks a year. Only have to do total of 4 weeks of nights over 3 years. Also not required to do many weekends as a student.

I started my degree when my youngest was 2.5 and got a first so the workload is perfectly doable it is just the course you’ve chosen. If you can’t do the shifts as a student how do you suppose you’ll do them when you qualify?

Mashed Because DC would be in school. And no heavy studying and assignments to complete on top of working 37.5 hours on shift

And, you can go part time

Im doing a nursing course and in my second year, 3 dc aged from 3 to 10. 10 year old ds has epilepsy and adhd so lots of appointments and he can be quite challenging but we are managing. Alot of placements are more accommodating if you have dc. A mum on my course does not do night shifts as she can not get cover for example.

I did a nursing degree when my son was 6 weeks old. He was sleeping through the night then (this was 1983). He went to a childminder.
i wish I hadn't done it, I was a single parent, ir was gruelling, I missed him so badly and given my time again I'd have done it when he was much older.

Sorry I haven't read everything but just wanted to add - It's really hard even with a great support network. I lost my childminder due to my son's health issues unfortunately so until September when my son can go into the before and after school childcare, we're juggling it the best we can, my mum helps and my partner works from home when he can. Even when we did have a childminder we were paying for more than we actually used because I had to give set hours every week even if we didn't need them. I do have to miss lectures occasionally. I do miss a lot (parents evenings on the days I'm in till 6 even before travelling, craft afternoons, class presentations and assemblies), I'm constantly researching and working when he goes to bed to fit everything in, we have pretty much no money even with the loan as we don't get extra grants other than childcare grant due to household income and I'm exhausted. Going part time on a degree means I wouldn't get the loan I need and I can't work at the moment as 1) I'm recovering from a major surgery and it's complications and 2) my work experience so far only really lends itself to full time positions - or those positions where you work part time but are still expected to stay later than your contracted hours and do as much work as a full time employee! We just have to manage and remember its less than 5 years of our lives, and that it will be worth it.

There's a very big demand for MW in this area, and there does seem to be a lot of 'normal'/part time hours

Possibly not for much longer. Midwifery is going through massive changes. Women want greater continuity of care so community midwives in some areas are being told that they also need to be 'on call' to labour ward. The caseloading model, where midwifery teams work flexibly 24/7 shift patterns, has already been piloted in a few areas and there is talk of it being rolled out nationally over the next five years. Something to keep in mind.

In terms of the degree itself, when I trained as a nurse there were quite a few people on the course who had young children. The ones that stuck it out generally had a lot of family support or DP's with very flexible jobs.

I cannot do a uni course atm due to mental health and 3 year old. She goes to nursery 15 hours a week and I live far away from family support so no babysitting. I'm doing degree with OU over 6 years, will take me up to DD being 8. Plan on doing a Post Grad when she goes to secondary.

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if I've missed any pertinent information. I did my undergraduate degree when DD was 16 months old. However, it was a history degree so much more flexible.

How often would you likely have to do night shifts? When I was working full time as a single parent, I'd often have to stay overnight in London, or leave crazy early to travel. I found a local person who was very flexible and who could accommodate the odd night here and there to look after DD and take her to school. She wasn't a registered childcare person - she was a student - but she was very reliable and DD really liked her. Could you find someone like that if you didn't have to do too many night shifts?

Alternatively, if you have lots of night shifts, would you be able to get a sofa bed and get an au pair who could have your room. Yes, it would be a massive pain in the arse I imagine, but it could be a solution. Or could you do a nanny/au pair share - we had friends who used to 'borrow' our au pair for the odd night here and there when we didn't need her.

I did my degree when I was working 35 hours a week and had 3 kids under 5.

But I did it part time, distance learning over 4 years. And the last couple of years I was either working or studying pretty much constantly from 6:30 until 11 at night with the exception of an hour with the kids before bed and cooking. I’d flick through revision notes at lunchtime and when we were watching tv at night.

It was worth it though.

There are childcare grants. I got my degree whilst working PT and had three under fives at home.

I am a student midwife. When I started the course, my kids were 2 and 3.

Bear in mind that the requirement to spend 40% of your time with one mentor is going from next year. This may make it more flexible as you can work with loads of different mentors - at least that's how it was explained to me.

Also whoever it was upthread that said you need to find childcare around your husband's hours, not yours, is absolutely 100% spot on. We did nursery 3 days a week 8am - 6pm and that was to fit round my husband's hours. We were very lucky that my mum covered two days a week and then weekends my husband was home. Also very lucky that the school which they now go to operates a flexible after-school club, but there are also flexible childminders in this area. Nights are even easier as my husband drops them off in the morning and I can sleep in the day then pick them up and wait for him to come home before I leave again.

Husband has asked for, and got, more flexible hours - meaning some days when I'm not working he will stay in the office until very late, but they are understanding when he's late in due to dropping the kids or needs to leave early to get them etc. He still works the same number of hours, just more flexibly.

It is tough for us, but not impossible.

Had dc 3 months before I And exdp started university. It was bloody hard work! I done teaching so had placements, in school by 7:30/7:45am and sometime not leaving until 6pm, then lectures 5 days a week with only Wednesday afternoon off. Dc went into nursery full time. We both done it, got our degrees, but no way could we have managed shift placements.

Out of curiosity to they send you to the same hospital for each placement or a different one? Friends who done nursing had placements at a different hospital each time. Just asked as you said the hospital was x distance from you, and how would you manage if it was further again?