To think it must be impossible to do a degree and have a child?

[ALittleCrisp]

DC would be around 2.5/3 years old when I would start my university degree.

But, due to the nature of the degree, childcare is then made impossible.

I don't have family locally to help out. No chance of moving back nearer to my hometown etc.

So the only thing I could do is rely on a childminder or nursery. But that doesn't work for night shift placements, and it doesn't work practically because the days and times I need the childcare in place would change weekly!

How on earth do people do this with children?

Small children

AIBU to say it's near on impossible without a great support network.

I did an OU degree when I had two small children, it was to stop myself going crazy with boredom, an adult activity. They knew that 'Mummy's doing OU, we have to play quietly', they then came to my graduation very proud of their contribution.

You should be able to access funding from uni for childcare help. As long as its registered childcare.

I had my two kids plus three small stepkids when I did uni. I ferried all five to two schools every morning then straight to uni. Thank god for breakfast clubs.

But it wasn't easy.

I did a doctorate (started when dc1 was 18 months, had DC 2 during). My good friend did her midwifery degree wth 2 under 4 and then had a third... Both of us have fucking awesome supporting partners though.... Both partners were working, they stepped up at evenings, nights and weekends (most of my thesis was written between 9pm and 12 pm).... Excellent childminders and lovely friends also helped...

I'm not a single parent btw, but there are some on my course. They simply don't do night shifts.

Can you realistically simply not do them though? I have tried reading up on placements the best I can, and the general feel I get is even if you're a parent, it's tough shit. You have to do the placements and shift hours you're told

I did three degrees with children. It's not impossible.

I'd suggest a nanny share too, or a childminder who is flexible.

You have asked if you are unreasonable to say it is impossible to do a degree and have a child.

You must know that is not true. Out of my close friends three have gotten their first degrees post DC, another one a masters, and two have done PhDs.

You also must know that the majority of degrees do not require night shifts. Plenty of all nighters, granted. Especially when working also.

And the answer to your question is - friends, childminder, babysitters, crèche, taking my child to lectures with me, studying through the night and sleeping very little, and cramming when she went to her Dad’s.

I did a vocational masters once DD was at school. Not so bad in terms of shifts as nursing though.

DD went to childminders after school then DP picked her up when I was on placement. The tutor was also really good at allocating a placement which fitted better such as fostering rather than child protection. Not sure I could have done it without DP being super supportive ( eg taking DD out for the day when I had an essay to write).

Your partner will be there for you child at nights though?

As for the flexible childminder option, I've messaged loads of them in my area and they all say no, I don't do it.

Most were lovely and gave me a reason - They need set days and times because they then know how many children they can have on certain days, and how many children they can take on permanently. An extra child at random times can throw this off and doesn't really work.

I'm praying I can possibly find someone who's very flexible, but I'm worried because I'm putting my whole life and soul into getting onto this degree... With a huge possibility I won't be able to do it, if I can't sort the childcare

YADNBU. I wanted to do a mental health nursing degree but absolutely no way I could manage childcare and work night shifts. Husband leaves for work at 6am so what was I supposed to do with sleeping kids when I wouldnt get home until 7am?
Feels impossible doesn't it? Live in nanny/au pair ha that is so far out of my reach that it's laughable.

In the end I didn't do it. I'm just finishing up a BA(Hons) in Professional Practice which has been hard but doable.

Shit isn't it?

If your DH works 9- 5.30 then why can He not watch your child? And you could get a nursery place for during the day.

Or delay for a year or two till yous child starts school?

Currently doing a Biology degree with a 10/8/2 year old in tow as a lone parent.

Had to step away from Midwifery due to the shifts.

My timetable is different every single week. I get it a semester in advance but I have to pay for Mon-Fri 8-6 as I’m mostly there full time despite the chopping and changing weekly.

If you’d struggle for childcare to work nights on placements what are you planning to do when you qualify? Are there many midwifery jobs that don’t involve any nightshifts?

I’ve just started a masters in occupational therapy so I have changing weekly patterns too, placements etc (although it’s v unlikely I’ll need to do night shifts). My daughter is 10 months.

I get a childcare grant from student finance which covers 85% of my childcare costs up to £160 a week I think, so that covers a good chunk of my nursery costs. DD goes to nursery full time, although depending on what I am doing I can sometimes drop her off late/pick her up early/take her out for a day.

Ska Sorry you couldn't do it it is shit.

If your DH works 9- 5.30 then why can He not watch your child? And you could get a nursery place for during the day.

Because he's out of the house for 7am, not back again until gone 7pm

Can you put it on hold until they’re at school?

Don't worry about sounding catty ALittleCrisp I'd be frustrated too.

If you’d struggle for childcare to work nights on placements what are you planning to do when you qualify? Are there many midwifery jobs that don’t involve any nightshifts?

There's a very big demand for MW in this area, and there does seem to be a lot of 'normal'/part time hours.

Plus, no additional studying for a degree once you're actually qualified.

You say your dh works normal hours in London. Is London very far away from you? Does he sleep over? Because normally you’d get childcare for your husbands “normal” hours and he has the kids the evenings and nights you work. When you’re on days the kids are in nursery and when you’re on nights they’re still in nursery days so you can sleep.

In theory you do the shifts you're given but in practice there is leeway. I think it would be very awkward to refuse to do any night shifts but since you have a partner that shouldn't be necessary? To put it in perspective, I did 5 nights in my last 9 mins week placement, so not lots.

Green Yes I could I'd be gutted though. But I suppose I may have to do just that. DC is only a baby now (I'm currently getting on to Access course to then go to do Midwifery).

DC being in school is years away

I did mine with the OU. Started with no children, had two by the time I finished. Not easy, but doable.

9 weeks that should read!

The flexible childminders are easier to find once it's after school hours.

I feel for you OP. I'm in my third year now and couldn't have done it without family help. Even if you didn't do nights which I don't think would be an option, you would still have 7am starts and 13 hour shifts. You simply can't do it without doing the hospital shift patterns.

Have you had an offer? Is there no way your DH could alter his start time to allow him time to drop them off in the mornings you're not there?