To think it must be impossible to do a degree and have a child?

[ALittleCrisp]

DC would be around 2.5/3 years old when I would start my university degree.

But, due to the nature of the degree, childcare is then made impossible.

I don't have family locally to help out. No chance of moving back nearer to my hometown etc.

So the only thing I could do is rely on a childminder or nursery. But that doesn't work for night shift placements, and it doesn't work practically because the days and times I need the childcare in place would change weekly!

How on earth do people do this with children?

Small children

AIBU to say it's near on impossible without a great support network.

If your dh is not taking any role in dropping the children to childcare or collecting them then you’re basically asking “is it impossible to do a midwifery degree as a single parent with no family support?” And I think the answer is that yes, it is probably almost impossible.

You say your dh works normal hours in London. Is London very far away from you? Does he sleep over? Because normally you’d get childcare for your husbands “normal” hours and he has the kids the evenings and nights you work. When you’re on days the kids are in nursery and when you’re on nights they’re still in nursery days so you can sleep.

About an hour or so away. But the issue is, say I start my shift at 7am. That means leaving for work at 6.15am latest (local hospital is quite a bit away). DH leaves for work at 7am. No car, he walks everywhere. Getting DC to a childminder if one agrees to take them at like 6.30am in the morning, would mean leaving before 6am! We couldn't get taxis everywhere all the time. Just isn't manageable

My friend who did the midwifery had very family friendly shifts as the course tutors and NHS trust were very supportive. She did nights (but then your husband is back at night). However, she had existing good relationships in the local NHS trust as she'd volunteered their and then worked pt as a HCA in the midwifery area...

And bear in mind once you qualify you will still have to do your preceptorship. There are very few 9-5 roles. DC'S being in school don't make the study any easier as you still have the problem of wraparound care.

I'm doing a degree, with 6 month old DD.

It's hard (way harder than when I worked full time!) but it is doable. I'm doing mine through the OU so is distance learning and part time.

I wanted to do nursing a few years ago but couldn’t due to childcare issues. Did a joint honours degree instead, wish I hadn’t bothered 🙈🤣

A friend of mine is in her final year of Midwifery - she has 3 children under 8 and her sister did her Nursing degree with 2 small children too.

Unfortunately, night placements are part of it (although not massively often) wouldn't DH be able to work around this with annual leave etc.?

I did it, my son was 5 months once I returned to uni to do my degree in nursing. My huband recognised that I gave uni up to have our son but I really wanted to finish so he took him to nursery on days I was in uni and looked after him pre and post shifts. It’s hard and it takes some team work but his career wasn’t more important than mine. And it was just the 2 of us as my mum left for Australia when our son was 11 days and his folks lived on an island miles away.

It would just be the days you’re on placement childcare would be a struggle but then once working it would be the same?.... hospitals do try and accommodate people but only if it suits the needs of the service and that always comes first. You may get fab managers or one who is incredibly inflexible. You’d need to talk to your husband and work out if he can be a bit more flexible

You could speak to the university to see if they could offer more family friendly shifts. Your husband could look into whether he could work more flexibly.

Mon Congratulations on your third year

I think realistically, nights sounds most doable! But then again, perhaps not! Because if I start at 7pm and do a 13 hour shift... Who will be there for DC? DH will need to go to work in the mornings

And I'm pulling my hair out but no childminder seems willing to take a child before 7.30am. Earliest I've seen is 7.30am, to be exact.

And if by some stroke of luck I did find a childminder to do a ridiculously early hour, with consistently changing times with little notice, who's to say she'd have a place for me?

It seems extremely risky, gearing up to do a whole degree on the chance someone can be super super flexible for me

As I said earlier, you’ll have the same problems once qualified

I did a degree and then a PgCE with 3dc.
I was lucky that dh picked up so much slack for me. I couldn't have done it without him.
I don't know what the answer is I'm so sorry.
Apart from could a baby sitter work at night, or an au pair, if you have the room.

I do know a single mum who did midwifery with a small child(and no family help). She used a combination of good friends and a childminder. It was hard though.

I started a midwifery degree. They told us at the start to forget we had partners/kids/family. My DH left me three months into the degree. I was a single parent with a two and five year old. Uni didn’t care. No allowances made for having to move house/sick kids/childcare. I managed to get 14 months into the course before I took a year out due to stress. I never went back. They told me if I returned I couldn’t take another day off sick or due to children being ill. In midwifery you do as many night shifts/earlys/lates/long days as your mentor does. No negotiating. Plus on top of this you have placement booklets and essays to write. Oh, and that’s on top of a 37.5 week (breaks aren’t counted) on placement.

If you have a supportive partner and family who can run the kids to childcare be off sick with them and generally pick up the slack, you can do it. If not, I doubt it.

In my cohort, EVERY LONE PARENT left the course. It wasn’t compatible with family life.

It’s a hard but rewarding career. Unfortunately they have removed many of the mentors that you used to have as a newly qualified midwife. Also, you can expect to have student midwives placed with you when you are only qualified for six months.

I’d go back and do it again in a heartbeat though...when the kids have grown up xx

Btw, midwifery has completely different rules to nursing regarding shifts/nights and absence.

My baby was 9 months when started my degree relied on childminder. Was tough but wanted to prove everyone wrong who said I couldn’t do it.

Typically my child got chicken pox in my final exams but you muck though and all worth it in the end 😊

I done my midwifery degree before children, I had my first child towards the end if my third year training

I don't know how those done it with children, but they did!!!

The majority of those who quit the course in the first yesr it wasn't due to children

Good luck

It's a very hard course but very rewarding

Thank you

If you haven't started your access course yet then realistically it could be a few years before you actually commence your degree. If you don't mind me asking how old are you? You could use the next couple of years to get your ducks in a row. Speak to DH and ask him to help come up with some solutions. The best approach would be for him to pick up the morning routine as early starts are where you will struggle the most. Is there no flexibility with his working hours? Could you get a car for a cheap run around to do drop offs and pick ups? Start putting things in place now if you can.

Oh, and don’t forget you can’t guarentee to finish a shift on time. You may have to stay to write up birth notes, you may be delivering or in theatre. You may be in a high risk situation which will then need documenting and debriefing. And you need to get to your shift around 15 mins early to get handover.

I know I seem really negative but if I’d known all this in advance, I wouldn’t have persevered when my husband left xx

You only have to work 40% of shifts with mentor , so there is a little flexibility

It is full on though . FULL ON

I did a degree in education with kids though. I managed that fine xx

Snap ! I just came back home from University. I’m glad I’m not the only one. I’m doing a full time MSC. Childcare isn’t so bad because I’m using an ADHOC nanny. But I feel bad for being away from DS.

Would you consider anything other than midwifery? What about occupational therapy?

I did my degree and masters when I had children and had no support; I did a lot of work into the early hours. It's possible but you have to be very, very organised.

I'm doing msc nursing, final year, single parent, 2 year old. I'm managing (struggling!) but I'm almost there!
I would talk to the uni. Mine have been amazingly supportive, as have the trust where I've been on placement.