45 year age gap - Filipino bride

[binkyblinky]

Argh help me.

My step dad (mum's Ex partner) is in his 60s. He split from my mum when I was 14 and we have remained very close. He has been like a dad to me and my sister.

He is a lovely, warm, kind man. We both love him to bits. He has been unlucky in love and has been desperately lonely.

Well anyway he's gone to the Philippines and met someone - turns out she is only 19. (He has told us she is 25) but I've had a nosey on Facebook and found her.

I know the age gap is huge but I've seen bigger. I don't understand the attraction and I don't have a clue about Filipino culture. Is this the norm? Is he in danger?

We are going to visit him and have a frank discussion with him. She has applied to come over here on a work visa (she's a student)

Just wanted advice / thoughts. Also I know it's a shocking age gap. I don't need to be told that and I don't want to hear abuse towards him. I'm not keen on the idea.

Thankyou

[RB68]

I just remember chap who used to live across the road from me - loner in his 40's sending off for a bride (I think she was Thai not that it matters) and she arrived with her "sister" in tow (looked nothing like her) and then whilst he was at work they shagged anything that would pay for a "massage" and earnt a shed load of money leaving him with the police knocking on his door 2 yrs later. If he ever challenged them they would chase him down the street with the kitchen knives. Certainly spiced up he life for a few years - don't think he ever recovered

[Missmother]

Well I knows if think that if you think buying someone is okay then you only get what you deserve, the trouble is is that so many men are deluded in what they think they deserve in terms of women’s looks and their body types, why is it so many middle aged men with beer bellies diss women their own age, because they think the women aren’t attractive enough, and yet they’ll go for women half their age and genuinely think that some gorgeous slim 21 year old fancies them? I’ll never understand this. It’s like women look in the mirror and put themselves down, mentally add on weight etc, yet men seem to look in the mirror and detract weight and big themselves up, it’s pure and utter delusion.

[Missmother]

I meant to say ‘well if you think buying people is okay then...’, I haven’t a clue as to why I wrote that mistake at the beginning of my paragraph

[Pedallleur]

As my late mother said 'Better to be an old man's darling than a young man's slave!
But some men just like the Thai/Eastern woman.

[Missmother]

Yes but why do they like these women? I heard that they treat their men like kings

[NameChangeNugget]

Huge generalisation but, the type of man who do that would personally make my skin crawl but, maybe that’s totally why, they’d not even bat an eyelid at a woman in their 50’s, who’s no pushover.
Sex with someone that young must appeal to these men but, the thought of it is disgusting

[Missmother]

Aren’t most men into women a bit younger?

I watched First Dates the other day and there was a lady in her late 60s/early 70s and she said that men her age wanted women 15 years younger than them, whether a man is nice or not then I do feel that so many of them want a younger woman, I’m 38 and men my age seem okay with women their age, but when they hit 49 they seem to go a bit...icky with the women that they want.

[Missmother]

40 not 49, god I keep typing wrong today.

[SuziQ10]

Your step dad is a creep.
He is exploiting the 19 year old. The fact he is interested in teenage girls while in his sixties is... yucky.. at best.

Don't let him near your kids, if you have any. His actions, while not illegal maybe, are worrying. I'd personally have no further contact with a man like this.

[headinhands]

I couldn't respect a man who did this. He's clearly exploiting how poor she is in comparison. If he was that lovely and kind he'd see it was all sorts of fucked up for a woman that age to marry a man of his age.

[minieggsqueen]

@Missmother omg I thought he was in his late 40's??? Wow 60's is definitely too far! I must have made 40 something up as I read along

I agree, that's why I said he probably likes the financial control/he being completely dependant.

[Missmother]

Yep 60s! Sick isn’t it?!

[TedAndLola]

I hope she takes him for all he's got, leaves him, and finds a lovely man her own age, who doesn't just want a live-in prostitute and housekeeper.

[Missmother]

@TedAndLola 100% agreed.

[SparkiePolastri]

As my late mother said 'Better to be an old man's darling than a young man's slave!

So if you're an old man's slave, that's the worst of both worlds?

[LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD]

He knows that this is transactional. If he is kidding himself talhatbshe lived him then suggest a prenup that says she gets nothing in the case if a divorce or his death. See how she feels about that.

[DianaPrincessOfThemyscira]

I’d be truly revolted by this regardless of which way round it was.

If this was my dad I would tell him that too. I would tell my mum too but knowing my parents the motivations would be different.

[SJaneS48]

Eldest DDs Dad lives in the Philippines and is very wealthy (not that either DD or I benefitted from that as she was growing up!). He’s swiftly approaching 50 and has a Filipina girlfriend who is younger than DD.

DD went out to visit this year for 2 months. Other than finding the age of the girl very icky, she said it really wasn’t uncommon out there and to many extents is a commercial arrangement. Twatface gets to have sex with a young beautiful girl and in return supports her family. All appeared very amicable if not love! It is horrible but in your Step Dads case, not much you can do and saying something will only push him away. He can’t be unaware that she’s not likely to be in love with him! From a positive point of view, he’ll have someone to look after him. From a negative as a spouse, she’ll inherit unless he specifies otherwise and that will include money your DM worked for.

[NoSauce]

ZOMBIE

[IdleBet]

@SJaneS48 what was the point of your post? I've just read the whole friggin thread

[SJaneS48]

And what’s the point of yours? I hadn’t realised it was an old post, fair enough. How you spend your time is really up to you isn’t it?

[absopugginglutely]

Oh god, this is horrendous- do you think that if this 19 year old if she had rights, money, health care and the general privilege we have that she would be choosing to have a relationship with such a man as your step dad?
I think you know the answer. He is exploiting a vulnerable near- child. Gross.

[SJaneS48]

For resuscitating an old thread by accident? It was an honest mistake. Get a grip @AdobeWanKenobi - abusing complete strangers on the internet isn’t great.

[NearlyGranny]

DH travelled out two weeks after me to Australia via Bangkok and was seated near three UK 50/60ish men on the first leg. He reported overhearing some pretty disgusting conversations between them. One kept saying to the other two,

"I get all that, of course, but why marry them? There's no need to!"

He said he felt sick and felt he might be misjudged, travelling as a lone older man. I think we were both glad to travel home together, though I did notice quite a few lone men and a couple of returning families on the Bangkok-London leg of the flight where British husbands with Asian wives looked more like the grandfathers of the accompanying children. Which of course they might well have been.

I think sex, service and submission are the key factors some men are looking for. The overheard aeroplane chat included references to what British women unreasonably expect from a man these days and how feminism has ruined men's lives....