To let in-laws give us a LOT of money?

[maltharders]

My DH's parents are on the wealthy side of middle class but he has never really been superspoilt, although they helped a lot when he was at uni and bought him a car when he was early 20s.

Since then we've always been very independent, we're very early 30s, two young kids and renting while saving up a deposit to buy a house.

They recently said they want to give us a heap of money (amounts to about 50% of the value of a nice house) because otherwise it's just going to sit there and we'll inherit it when they die and we won't need it so much by then. My DH says that's aa logical argument and so we should accept, but I feel a bit bad about taking so much money. My own parents never had much money so have never given us anything.

AIBU to feel a bit weird about it? Even though I see the rationale behind it?

It's a lovely idea. Definitely accept.

Whilst one spouse remains living in a property though, it can't be considered for care home fees for the other. So without savings, they may be at the mercy of social services care. Or family! How old are PIL? Would deprivation of asset sales not come into play?

We did the same for our daughters. It's just sensible planning as long as we live for 7 years. Neither me or my husband had parents who were able to help or leave us anything so we are very happy that we can help our children. Accept and be suitably grateful and hope you can pay it forward to your children.
Feeling a bit jealous @Onecabbage? Shame on you.

There's such ignorance about how paying for care works. If one of us needed care the other would downsize to free up the money. If there is a house thar needs to be sold local authorities will cover the cost and recover the money when the property is sold.

Let them give it to you now while they have the pleasure of seeing it go towards something for you and your family. Like they say, you'd get it when they dies anyway - at least this way it helps you in the here and now and they are around to see their money put to good use. It's a win for everyone.

**

Unless you feel there is an ulterior motive, then I would graciously accept it. My mum and stepdad are quite wealthy (we were NOT when I was growing up, this is a new thing). They want to gift us quite a large sum for a house (£150-200k). It’s basically my inheritance, but financially it makes sense to give it to us now and not later. We have our own money anyway which we have saved and invested (more than they are giving us). But they aren’t jerks, want no ownership in our house, and it makes sense in terms of taxes. We will graciously accept and build them a granny annex in case they need it when they’re older.

My mum was a lone parent and we didn’t always have a roof over our heads when I was a child. It means a lot to her to give us something now that she is quite comfortable. I appreciate that. If she was a controlling jerk though, I’d feel differently.

My parents paid off our mortgage for us. My dad wanted to do it before he died bless him. It's made a massive difference to our lives. It's given us so much disposable income and has really enhanced the quality of our lives. I am so hugely grateful to them.

This thread has confirmed my initial fears of a future of spoon - fed , arrogant , materialistic dreamers. Not much grinds my gears.

I'd rather donate any money that was burning a hole in my pocket to a homeless charity , than giving it to already privileged adult children.

This thread has confirmed my initial fears of a future of spoon - fed , arrogant , materialistic dreamers. Not much grinds my gears

You've made about 3 posts trying to goad people into an argument now. Nobody's biting, move on.

Thanks for the advice, everyone!

Oh a stealth boast, nicely done op

Indeed. All this faux nonsense about feeling bad. As if

I'd rather donate any money that was burning a hole in my pocket to a homeless charity , than giving it to already privileged adult children

Mum? Is that you

They'll presumably have to sign a form to say it's an outright gift, no strings attached. We did, for dds. I doubt the mortgages would have been approved otherwise.

Plenty of people would be only too glad of such help - IMO you'd be mad not to take it. It's just a case of the inheritance, or part of it, coming early, when you could probably do with it rather more than later.

The other way of looking at it is they get to see you enjoy the money rather than not seeing the enjoyment after they are dead.

*I'd rather donate any money that was burning a hole in my pocket to a homeless charity , than giving it to already privileged adult children

Mum? Is that you *

😂😂

Garbage post, OP. As if there’s a shred of a possibility that you’d refuse such an offer. Stop wasting everyone’s time.

Garbage post, OP. As if there’s a shred of a possibility that you’d refuse such an offer

Where did I say I had any plan to refuse it? Learn to read before you call other people's posts garbage.

If they genuinely can afford it, take it.

Take the money. It makes sense from both sides, they want to see you set up in a nice home you have bought using the money for a good purpose.

If they have enough to give both siblings and still have enough to live on till they die, then this sounds like excellent financial planning with inheritance tax likely to need a bill paying from the estate if they didn't do this.

Well I think your in laws sound lovely... they are thinking of the fact that you need it now, not when they pass and would obviously love to see you all enjoy a family home now and not when you have saved enough or when they are not around to witness it. Enjoy.

What a lovely gesture id love to be able to do that for my children( not in this life sadly) i understand that you would feel a bit awkward accepting it , but if it was your parents offering would you feel so bad , id accept it and make sure they get fab xmas and birthday preesies from now on haha

Accept graciously! We have given a substantial sum to each of our 3 DDs. We are lucky enough to be able to afford to do so and it gives us enormous pleasure

This is exactly the sort of thing my parents would do, so I’d have no problem in accepting. My dad always says that at his age he has no use for lots of money. I guess the perception is different when you get older

Garbage post, OP. As if there’s a shred of a possibility that you’d refuse such an offer. Stop wasting everyone’s time.

well, I was in exactly the same position as OP years ago and we politely declined. Fil would have been fine, but mil would have thought that this gave her some “rights” over the house, including the right to tell us how to decorate it. In hindsight, we should have taken the money anyway as she still tried to tell us what to do!