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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so over Facebook narcissism

105 replies

festigirl14 · 18/01/2019 12:13

I have got a friend on Facebook who has just had a new, expensive kitchen. Cue ‘I’m so pleased with my new expensive kitchen’ and 20 photo pics and the underlying message of ‘look how successful and loaded we are’.
I’m happy for her but it has really made me question this underlying narcissism of facebook- What’s it actually for?
Is it to stay in touch with friends (as originally advertised and the main reason I am on there) or is it to boast about all aspects of life and to almost create a managed version of ourselves - as if we are managing our own PR or something. It feels like it’s got worse in recent years but maybe it’s just bothering me more.
I felt like screaming ‘NOONE CARES’ at my friend Grin (I do actually like her but she’s a bit of a twat on Facebook)

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Knittink · 18/01/2019 12:23

I don't find any of my FB friends show-offy like that tbh. If I did, I'd unfollow them. Imo there's nothing wrong with posting a couple of photos of something new you're excited about, even if it is expensive. But if someone is doing it all the time with loads of photos and boastful or stealth boastful comments, then that's a different matter.

Bambamber · 18/01/2019 12:24

The whole point of posting on Facebook is for attention. You dont post something in the hopes that it gets ignored, you post because you want people to see it. Some people just need more attention than others

festigirl14 · 18/01/2019 12:25

@knitink it is all the time tbh- holidays, jobs, cars - a fairly constant stream of stealth boasting tbh

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RiverTam · 18/01/2019 12:25

social media is fundamentally narcissistic if we are really honest with ourselves. Even if we say 'oh, I just use it for keeping in touch with friends and relatives' you can bet that you're still aware of the number of 'likes' etc you get, and aware of how many other people get.

I now only really use FB for groups.

festigirl14 · 18/01/2019 12:27

@rivertam yes I guess it is. I deleted my Instagram because it nearly drove me mad for that reason- maybe I need to do the same with fb!

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Stinkytoe · 18/01/2019 12:27

She’s probably seeking attention to make up for a void elsewhere.

There’s a school mum I’m friends with who hugely exaggerates her son’s every achievement but she’s having a rough time with her marriage, I don’t begrudge her the attention.

Baxdream · 18/01/2019 12:27

I posted progress of my extension on Facebook. I work bloody hard to do it and if it's seen as showing off I really don't mind.
Facebook should be full of positive things- weddings, holidays, cute pets, kids etc. It's all showing off it's just different aspects of life

NottonightJosepheen · 18/01/2019 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorrisZapp · 18/01/2019 12:31

I find this hard. No show offs on my fb, but a dear old friend is such an utter drama queen and it looks rude not to respond. Up to ten posts a day always on the same theme. I limit written responses to about one a week, with emojis for the rest.

Loving and laughing at stuff I neither love nor find funny. Fuck me what a silly pantomime it all is.

Stinkytoe · 18/01/2019 12:36

I posted progress of my extension on Facebook. I work bloody hard to do it and if it's seen as showing off I really don't mind

Building an extension by yourself is a big achievement, I always assumed you’d need builders! I think the progress of a home made (as it were) extension would be interesting to follow. A friend made her own wedding dress and I loved the updates she’d show me.

PoesyCherish · 18/01/2019 12:40

I post a lot on Facebook. I find it a very supportive environment. I have mental health issues as do a lot of my friends so we love updating each other on how we're doing. Mostly on specific groups but also on our main pages too. I also love keeping in touch with family and seeing what's going on in their lives. DP's Mum in particular loves seeing pics of DSD.

If you don't like seeing certain things on FB you can always snooze or unfollow someone.

LaurieMarlow · 18/01/2019 12:40

I don't know why people find it so hard to hide those who are pissing them off on Facebook.

I hardly post anything myself, but I find FB useful for keeping in touch with extended family.

I hide people whose posts irritate or bore me. Job done.

tierraJ · 18/01/2019 12:41

I posted pics of my bathroom this week after my dad decorated it as I was proud of his hard work at 71 & not in the best health.

But I'm no way doing the ten year challenge - I look fatter & now wear glasses so I wouldn't do well on that!!

OutPinked · 18/01/2019 12:44

Sick of seeing the ten year challenge. Hardly anyone has chosen an unflattering photo of themselves a decade ago, it’s all very egotistical.

I hate FB, it’s the worst of the bunch. Insecure people thrive on FB, it’s the ideal place for them to attempt to feel better about themselves and their mediocre lives.

Baxdream · 18/01/2019 12:49

Stinkytoe clearly I had a builder!

halfwitpicker · 18/01/2019 12:50

Yeah it's utter bullshit

Breakawaygirl · 18/01/2019 12:51

I personally came off of FB this year for similar reasons.

When I first joined at 17, FB was used amongst my social circle to plan events and share our photos from parties/bars.

Over the years as people's life's evolved, it really began to change into different types of use.

Some people never posted.
Some lurked and liked but never posted.
Some were on it constantly but sharing useful/entertaining things.
Others posted drudgery.
Others fell into the narcissism camp.

I can think of two girls in particular I had to hide, one a very dear friend in real life and the other an old acquaintance.

The old acquaintance was a marketing grad who constantly posted selfies of herself (uploading about 6 at a time from different angles of her smiling or holding her face or posed at odd angles), flaunting different outfits, all her Christmas presents, her #squadgoals, her quest for an 'elite' man, every day photos from her holidays. A mutual friend went on holiday with her and told her off for doing an Instagram story in a CHURCH. It really began to make me angry, and it wasn't jealousy, but irritation that she felt her life was so interesting. I hid her.

The second girl is someone I love in real life. She's very fun, sweet and unique. On FB, she's very annoying. Constant check ins, posts of new outfits, meals, everything always 'amazing.' When we message she's very open about relationship issues etc, but her FB is very different. I hid her on FB but we were still FB friends.

I came off FB this year because I find that although everyone does use FB differently, it has become quite a toxic, competitive and narcissistic environment. Sometimes it's hard to know what you want to do because of FB, or what you want to do FOR you. It can be very influencing and if you are going through a hard time (as I was) can make you feel bad.

If you're struggling with money, it's hurtful to see people posting about purchases.

If you're single or have been cheated on, seeing the couple hashtags can make you feel bad.

If you can't afford many Xmas pressies one year, you don't want to see everyone elses.

Plus anything you truly want to send to a friend you can do on Messenger or WhatsApp rather than send to your whole friends list.

Someone said once, would you stand up in front of your workplace or in a pub and announce something to everyone there? Or would you just say it at your friends table or to the colleagues you like? There's also things you don't talk about to certain friends. If a friend has money problems, you wouldn't send them pictures of all the bags and makeup you bought. If a friend had been through a divorce, you wouldn't send them your valentines vacation photos. I think this is the difference; social media takes out the nuance involved in everyday friendships.

InSightMars · 18/01/2019 12:53

A new kitchen is a big deal to most people, of course they want to show it off. Guy at work just had his done and showed us the pics in the office (it’s gorgeous and I’m totally stealing lots of ideas for when we have ours done probably next year) and I’m assuming he also put them up for family and friends to see on social media (I’m not on fb).
and why shouldn’t he? You see dozens of threads about home improvements right here on mn. My coworker is not in the slightest narcissistic or sending any underlying messages about how well he’s doing, he’s just chuffed with his new kitchen.
Of course some people go over the top with the stealth bragging, constant selfies, piles of Christmas presents, new clothes but a lot of what people get annoyed with on fb is no worse than the old days when you had to stand there and make polite noises as someone forced you to look at their hundreds of holiday snaps, at least on Facebook you can scroll on by or hide or block or whatever.

IamPickleRick · 18/01/2019 13:18

I have come off FB for 2019. I found it quite same-y and dreary, same old bastards playing golf or posting selfies, meaningful/shit quotes and things about “sensitive people always feel things more deeply than others”... zzz

I still am very active on Instagram because I find it a much more positive space and people always post fun things or beautiful things, there are some great accounts dedicated to my fandoms and hobbies, I find it much more entertaining because it’s not the same old drudgery. Obviously there are people that show off on there too, but I generally follow things I am interested in rather than people I know, so I see more of a variety.

Thisismyusername1234 · 18/01/2019 13:38

Delete FB - you won't regret it!!

Stinkytoe · 18/01/2019 13:50

I don’t like the “I worked hard for it” attitude. There are plenty of people working their arses off who are barely managing. Really it’s more that you worked hard for it and were bloody fortunate enough to make a decent living

IamPickleRick · 18/01/2019 13:51

I worked hard to do a big poo earlier but that particular post didn’t get many likes for some reason.

hipposarerad · 18/01/2019 13:53

After having to remove my phone's corrupted SD card, I also had to ditch a few apps as my phone's memory is only wee. FB was one of the casualties and I find I hardly look any more, unless I get a tag notification.

I don't think it's a coincidence that I've felt less shitty and blah lately.

I don't have particularly showy-offy friends, but they do have fuller, more interesting and generally nicer lives than me due to my circumstances (I have a bad case of shit life syndrome).

I'm also enjoying not seeing the frequent news updates which are always depressing.

I feel detoxed.

Felicia3 · 18/01/2019 14:00

So many people hate FB. But are still on FB. The mind boggles

Burnt0range · 18/01/2019 14:02

Nope, I don't have anyone on my friends list that behaves this way. If they did... crack on! I really don't care. Smile