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Original poster

To be so over Facebook narcissism

105 replies

festigirl14 · 18/01/2019 12:13

I have got a friend on Facebook who has just had a new, expensive kitchen. Cue ‘I’m so pleased with my new expensive kitchen’ and 20 photo pics and the underlying message of ‘look how successful and loaded we are’.
I’m happy for her but it has really made me question this underlying narcissism of facebook- What’s it actually for?
Is it to stay in touch with friends (as originally advertised and the main reason I am on there) or is it to boast about all aspects of life and to almost create a managed version of ourselves - as if we are managing our own PR or something. It feels like it’s got worse in recent years but maybe it’s just bothering me more.
I felt like screaming ‘NOONE CARES’ at my friend Grin (I do actually like her but she’s a bit of a twat on Facebook)

OP posts:
SushiMonster · 18/01/2019 14:02

I actually really like seeing extensions to kitchen progress and finished photos.

Love a bit of property porn.

One of my friends did his own loft conversion and that was fascinating.

DeRigueurMortis · 18/01/2019 14:07

I have a FB account but rarely use it to post anything myself.

I do notice people in my friends group theme to fall into two broad categories.

Those who use it to keep in touch with people (or interest groups) and post a couple of times a week/month and those that seem to use it to diarise their life and post nearly every day.

There's definitely a "look at me" element going on with the latter.

I can't really say it bothers me (other than being mildly irritated by the notifications on my phone until I switched them off), but I do find it a bit sad that they think anyone is even vaguely interested in the minutiae of their life.

You went for a walk in the woods with the dog - ok fine (apart from it had to be the most awesome walk with your pedigree puff cokerpoodle wearing your new posh brand wellies just a the light was fading and you thought you saw a fairy in the dell and ask everyone who believes in fairies to like your post because we've all seen Peter Pan and if you don't you'll be responsible for tinkerbell's imminent death, so hit those like buttons people!!!).

It's all hyped up for dramatic purposes and just makes me laugh to be honest because it's so transparently attention seeking.

headinhands · 18/01/2019 14:08

Urgh. That is a bit stomach turny. It's curious the divide on MN though. Either you're like me and wouldn't post that sort of thing and find it yuck when people do, or you see it as just sharing happy times.

There's a family member on FB who relentlessly post them all having super fun happy times. They were at an amusement park late last year and she posted 4, almost identical selfies with her kids and husband in front of a ride with the hashtag 'a family that plays together, stays together'. I'm clearly a cow because it just turned my stomach.

IamPickleRick · 18/01/2019 14:09

I follow a lady on Instagram who is renovating her house and posts all the walls smashed down and the flooded toilets etc. I love it! There are a lot of accounts like that, I find that more interesting because it doesn’t come from a show off place, more of a before and after “this is our journey” place.

headinhands · 18/01/2019 14:14

he’s just chuffed with his new kitchen.

I was chuffed with my new kitchen last year and I didn't post on FB. Why would other people automatically want to see my bloody kitchen?

I'm also aware of the range of incomes and I'm just aware that it might also make someone feel shit if their kitchen is falling apart. I'm not sure why I feel this way, it's upbringing I think that we were taught that pointing out our own nice things is vulgar.

DeRigueurMortis · 18/01/2019 14:17

I thinking about it a bit more the post I find the worst are the ones with endless photos etc of their children and what they are doing.

I can't help think how those children will feel as teenagers have had their life played out over social media with various embarrassing pictures and anecdotes that their parents thought were funny.

TheLastBusOutOfTown · 18/01/2019 14:19

YANBU. I became increasingly disillusioned with FB a few months ago. My newsfeed seemed swamped with selfies, silly filters and insufferable bragging. I considered leaving, but instead I hid around 90% of "friends" and now just use FB for groups and to keep in touch with genuinely good friends. My FB experience is now much improved!

Kemer2018 · 18/01/2019 14:21

My sil is a narcissist.
Always posting pics of herself pouting plastered in slap saying "do you think I'm beautiful?"......🙄🙄
Along with cryptic fishing posts.
So i hid her....so did alot of other people. Its embarrassing.

Ribbonsonabox · 18/01/2019 14:26

I love Facebook and Instagram. I like to see peoples new kitchens and holidays and what food they are eating! I'm very nosy lol! My friends is doing up a house and I've really enjoyed seeing all the before and after pics.... it's just a bit of fun. People watch property programs and gameshows on TV to see people buying houses and winning money and they dont even know them! And people chat about stuff they are doing when they meet up with friends in real life... so I dont see how social media is actually any different.
And I really dont agree with all the 'they must be covering up an emptiness or depression or insecurity by posting pic' some people just like pictures and some people are probably having a great time. I think it's people who get their knickers in a twist about it all that maybe have a few issues.

SapphireBattersea · 18/01/2019 14:26

I see posts like this and just think you clearly don’t like the person or you wouldn’t see it as showing off, you’d be happy for them 🤷‍♀️ So why have them as a friend?

I dunno maybe it’s too simplistic but If I see people I like doing well I’m happy for them

Breakawaygirl · 18/01/2019 14:31

As far the poster who said why do so many use FB if they hate it. Simple answer: addiction.

InSightMars · 18/01/2019 14:38

Good for you head in hands that you’re so humble and self-effacing and wouldn’t dream of having a moment of wanting to share something that makes you happy because someone else may not be able to afford it. Unless you’re ripping out your kitchen every other month because you’re bored with the color, then, wanting to share a one-off major building project is hardly rubbing noses in it. What do you do when your less well off acquaintances come to your house? Close the kitchen door and warn your family not to mention it in case your visitors’ economically-challenged feelings get hurt?

Other people might want to see your bloody kitchen for the same reason we wanted to see my coworker’s because they’re interested in home improvements, want to see how it turned out, might be thinking of having their own done or they might just be happy for you.

Ultramic · 18/01/2019 14:45

I post my holiday and hiking photos on FB, in my mind I'm not showing off but I'm creating a diary.

I love logging on and getting the '1 year ago...' reminders, they make me feel better when I'm having a bad day.

I have PTSD so going through my photos really helps ground me and reminds me there are good days.

In reality I suppose it's a bit fake though - as in, I struggle 90% of the time against negative thoughts but if you saw my FB you'd think I was a successful, happy & adventurous jetsetter.

I'm not going to post a photo of me silently depressed and unable to leave the house - I apply this perspective when I look at others posting and I've learnt not to compare!

If you're annoyed by someone's posts, just unfollow them :)

SushiMonster · 18/01/2019 14:48

I love logging on and getting the '1 year ago...' reminders, they make me feel better when I'm having a bad day.

Oh me too!

I love the "five years ago today" you were doing this with friends, or on holiday here, or did this race - beings back so many nice memories

SushiMonster · 18/01/2019 14:49

I'm also aware of the range of incomes and I'm just aware that it might also make someone feel shit if their kitchen is falling apart. I'm not sure why I feel this way, it's upbringing I think that we were taught that pointing out our own nice things is vulgar.

I bet you're the kind of person who when someone compliments you on your nice new coat says "oh, not, this old thing, its horrible really, I only got it for £2.50 in the charity shop"

Baxdream · 18/01/2019 14:50

Slinky - there's nothing fortunate about my life. Sorry but you don't know my circumstances or life story. There's no luck involved here.

Qasd · 18/01/2019 14:52

But before Facebook when you were “keeping in touch with friends” say over a coffee or a drink in the pub wouldn’t-“ oh I have got a new kitchen” been something you spoke about? I do not really see how your friends post doesn’t involve online staying in touch with friends in the way we previously did offline? I mean you may have been irrated over coffee thinking “oh stop going on this is boring and I really do not care how much you paid for taps” but I don’t know it’s particularly new - friends becoming a bit of a bore over a new kitchen/ job/ boyfriend or specifically an online thing! in fact easier to ignore online than faining interest in person!

FurzeandHarebells · 18/01/2019 14:54

20 photo pics and the underlying message of ‘look how successful and loaded we are’

Is that really the message you take from that post??

That’s quite Sad. I’d tend to think “how nice Jenny’s kitchen looks”.

Putting in a new kitchen is messy, disruptive, stressful and expensive it’s always a relief when it’s completed and looks nice. I’d assume she was posting it because she’s happy.

It wouldn’t occur to me that a new kitchen was a sign of “success”.

AllMYSmellySocks · 18/01/2019 14:56

I know what you mean. I don't think most people consider whether most of their friends will actually be genuinely interested in what they're posting. People might be interested in your kids growing up, a house move etc. They're probably not interested in 20 photos of your new kitchen. Not interesting for anyone but you and perhaps your very closest friends and family (who will see it in person).

BrilliantDarling · 18/01/2019 14:57

Attention seeking pure and simple. There are plenty of other ways to stay in touch with friends / relatives. Why on earth would you want to "show off" your new kitchen /extension, attention seeking at its finest!

FurzeandHarebells · 18/01/2019 14:59

I would much much prefer to see pictures of people’s new kitchens, decor etc than pictures of people’s pets or those irritating people who post what they are listening to or watching on TV.

People’s houses are interesting. Much more so than their cats or dogs.

BusterTheBulldog · 18/01/2019 15:00

My friends just had a new kitchen extension, she put it on Facebook, it looks awesome! I’m nosey and love seeing pics of people’s houses / hols etc though Grin

InSightMars · 18/01/2019 15:48

BrilliantDarling Why wouldn't you want to show off a major improvement to your home? After saving for years to have it done maybe, and months of construction nightmare? I call absolute bullshit on several posters here, including you.

Attention-seeking has shades of grey between the black and white of having a ribbon-cutting ceremony with a parade featuring a marching band and the local town dignitaries in attendance because you got a new front door and "What new kitchen? Oh this old thing? It's been like this for years. Nope, nothing to see here." Actually, the second smacks of sniffy, patronising, false humility and I abhor that more than I abhor an honest brag when something is actually bragworthy.

OftenHangry · 18/01/2019 15:53

Obviously not a friend otherwise you would maybe shareher excitement? I am always cheering for my mates when they share some success or home improvements. Why the hell not? Are we supposed to be hiding things that make us proud and happy?
Hell no.

Just don't friend people on fb you are really not friends with.

SapphireBattersea · 18/01/2019 16:03

Obviously not a friend otherwise you would maybe shareher excitement? I am always cheering for my mates when they share some success or home improvements. Why the hell not? Are we supposed to be hiding things that make us proud and happy? Hell no. Just don't friend people on fb you are really not friends with

This ^^