Undateables on Channel 4

[Jamellie]

Has anyone seen this?

What do you think about the whole concept of this series?

Had a discussion this morning about it and curious to know other people's views are... don't want to influence the thread so not posting what the discussion was about.... yet!

I don’t like the show.
I think a lot of people watch it to just the piss.
To even call the show undatables is a joke.

I never laugh at the participants but there are a couple who were genuinely funny people. Richard definitely was on the first season, he was absolutely hilarious. I don’t think I was laughing at a disability rather at a very dry and witty person.

I like the show, always have done. I think it’s great to normalise disabilities. The fact the narrator is Sally Phillips speaks volumes too, the show is far from distasteful.

I think it is disablist too.

If the show was called Undateable and featured people who were considered Undateable for a wide variety of reasons, then it woudln't be. But the premise is disabled=undateable. It's vile. Why not simply include disabled people in the zillions of other dating shows? Why is it assumed disabled people have to "date" in a different way to the rest of society?

I haven't seen the show but I struggle to get past the title. It's really insulting and humiliating, whether it's intended that way or not.

I think the concept of a dating agency that specialises in helping people with disabilities or other difficulties with socialising/dating find love is a fabulous one. I'm sure it's such a valuable resource for many. I'm just not convinced it belongs on television.

I think the programme is actually done in a sensitive, kind way rather than a sensationalist, exploitative way. I love any kind of dating show though.

Jamellie - you are totally right about the name! My DB is autistic and only young now but will hate for him to see other autistic people on the show and think he's undateable? :(

Of course it’s disablist. The show doesn’t feature non disabled people does it? Therefore, a show about disabled people wanting to find love and called the undateables is disablist.

And to the poster who said they say aww bless at zoo animals, this makes my point entirely. We’re talking about human beings here not zoo animals. Context is entirely different.

Why does the show not feature those people who have spent five years on old websites with no disabilities and still haven’t found someone? Why do they not have television programmes devoted to questioning what is undateable about those people?

At the start of the show the “un” of “undateables” falls off to leave the word “dateables”. I personally love it and it shows that love isn’t just for the likes of the fake barbie and ken dating programs.

But the premise is disabled=undateable. It's vile. Why not simply include disabled people in the zillions of other dating shows? Why is it assumed disabled people have to "date" in a different way to the rest of society?

Because outside of your fantasy world, disabled people do find themselves marginalized and looked over in romantic situations. You're kidding yourself if you think that disabled people find it as easy as non disabled/NT people to date.

How many people really think "ohhh, I'd LOVE a partner with [X condition]". Not many.

I like the concept of the show but the name is revolting and unfortunately, not everyone who watches is is thinking how sweet or nice it is.

It makes me feel uncomfortable them being noted as ‘different’ (undatables) and perpetuates the idea that only attractive, non disabled people have value.

I remember being absolutely revolted when an (ex) friend of mine was laughing at how pathetic and disgusting and weird the people on it were.

I don’t think that view is too uncommon unfortunately

And to the poster who said they say aww bless at zoo animals, this makes my point entirely.

And to the poster who said they say aww bless at zoo animals, this makes my point entirely.

Exactly.

I didn't realise everyone on the show was disabled. I thought it was for people who had found dating and relationships difficult for any reason, including disability.

In that case, it's even worse. I don't really get the defence of it (although realise I should watch it before saying that! But it sounds like something I'd be very uncomfortable viewing.)

I love the show and I certainly don't watch it to laugh at people. We are flooded with dating shows and reality shows where only "perfect, beautiful" people appear and find love. My friend, who has various disabilities, always watches it. She is an avid watcher of all reality shows and she loves this because it basically shows that you don't have to be "perfect" to be likeable and find love - it has given her the confidence to join a dating agency (we have contacted one of the agencies featured in the show and they have been lovely with her) she never thought of joining an agency before but this show has made her ask her self why not? If the people featured have the courage to do so, then why shouldn't she go for it too? We both find the show inspiring. At first, we were wary of the title, but if you watch the opening credits the "un" part of it drops off to become "the dateables" which I think is the main message that the programme is trying to put across. I don't feel sorry for anyone who has the guts to appear on the show, I am always rooting for them and hoping their date goes well and for them to find love or at least make a new friend and get a confidence boost, the only people I feel sorry for are the small-minded idiots who would watch it and laugh at them.

I like the concept of the show. But I hate the name of it.

Taking an aww bless comment out of context is a stretch to make your point did you not read the entire post from that Pp? If you are saying it is a disabilist programme then you also should include See hear paralympics coverage the last leg i would add more but Ican't actually think of anymore media that is inclusive of disabled peeople.

I think it's awful tbh. Not 'lovely' at all.

I always thought the title was mainly a reflection of how the contestants felt about themselves (which is why they go on the show) rather than how we as society view them.

And as for comments on you tube, trolling is an issue in ALL areas of life. Anything posted online is targeted. Don’t assume that online is a real reflection of society, anymore than mumsnet is. To take some crap online comments and judge that that is what “most” people watch it for is a very narrow view. However, it’s obviously the opinion you stand by and probably won’t be changed. Interesting thread though.

At the start of the show the “un” of “undateables” falls off to leave the word “dateables”. I personally love it and it shows that love isn’t just for the likes of the fake barbie and ken dating programs.

But everyone calls the show 'The Undateables' So the stigma and degrading nature of the the prefix is still there.

I think the main message on this thread is that it is a show that we all find different because of our varying life experiences probably. So it will be offensive to some but not others.

@sushi your post is very patronising.

For the record, I am married to a disabled person, who had a fair few partners before me. He met them in the same way as I met my previous partners. Disabled people do go out you know. To pubs and clubs and out for dinner (the only barrier perhaps being physical access). They go to pubs and clubs and to gigs and out to work.

@SushiMonster How many people really think "ohhh, I'd LOVE a partner with [X condition]". Not many.

This is such a bizarre thing to say.

Clearly they are not undateable, they may have a few problems meeting people, don't we all, or need someone to understand their special needs. I have an issue with consent and capacity for someone with profound difficulties, more about being on tv than arranging dates.
If they have capacity and give consent why not, you don't have to go on it, or like it. If you think it puts people with autism in a bad light then complain by all means, I thought it was reasonably sympathetic.

It’s absolutely appropriate to recognise that the disabled find it more difficult to find relationships, add into that mix that people with disabilities are also far more likely to end up in abusive relationships. Also, and I can’t remember the numbers,but a survey a few years back showed that a high level of society (around 90% iirc) felt that people with disabilities should not be in relationships or having sex, so mainstream society is absolutely not on board with the idea of the disabled being in mainstream relationships.

However, the instant you start to label the disabled as undateable you start to put them into a category of their own when in reality there are plenty of able-bodied people who are undateable for various reasons, because they’re arseholes; because they’re just not pleasant, in some instances because they have five kids and the list goes on. Some of the reasons may be outside of their control, some may not, but there are people in all walks of life who are undateable, and likely you could start an agency to help them all. but for society to only focus on the disabled makes a very specific point.

Incidentally, I looked very seriously into the possibility of starting a disability dating platform, but when I looked into it more deeply the safeguards you would have to have in place to protect those disabled people not from each other but from the rest of society were immense.

I have a disabled son and I like the concept of the programme, and don’t believe most people laugh at it. My DP however hates it and thinks it is mocking and not nice at all.