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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her to sod off?

81 replies

Thepinkyponk · 17/01/2019 14:27

Member of my family isn't very good with technology (but cant be bothered to learn how to do things themselves) so they regularly ask me to do it all for them.

Example: looking up telephone numbers and email addresses for companies online which would take them 10 seconds to do, setting up a new phone, showing them how to install apps, printing photographs at kiosks or other simple tasks which regularly crop up on a weekly basis.

I'm 6 months pregnant, have painful SPD so struggle to walk very far at the moment which they know. I also have a toddler at home.

I've been asked to meet them in town which is 30 minute bus ride away, drag DS out in the cold needlessly to print some pictures off their phone in boots because apparently it's easier to get me to do it than ask for help in store.

I haven't responded yet.

AIBU to think this is pure cheek and tell them to sod off.

OP posts:
ItsAHardKn0ckLife1 · 17/01/2019 14:28

YANBU.

flumpybear · 17/01/2019 14:29

There's not a chance in this earth I'd go to bloody Boots for that reason! Tell them you're busy but ask the people working st Boots

clicketyclick66 · 17/01/2019 14:29

YANBU! You need to learn to say no. The more you do for them the less they are inclined to learn how to do it for themselves.

krustykittens · 17/01/2019 14:30

YANBU! I have an aunt like this, she drives me crazy! Personally, I think she does it for the attention, because she can be surprisingly capable when she has no alternative.

User758172 · 17/01/2019 14:30

Oh that’s ridiculous! No way should you be doing that. Utterly entitled and self-absorbed to expect you to.

sayitwithcake · 17/01/2019 14:31

Yes tell them to bog off. Assume the call to meet today was just at their whim? Tell them to doubly bog off.

If you wanted to be conciliatory you could say that as each thing now crops up you will write them a "how to do" guide. Then you do that, they demand your attention about the same thing again and you can remind them of the guide. And tell them to bog off.

Timeforabiscuit · 17/01/2019 14:31

Tell her no, store assistants more than happy to assist.

Sounds like my personal hell!

AllMYSmellySocks · 17/01/2019 14:31

YANBU. I would help in an emergency, wanting photos is not an emergency and she can just ask someone in store if she wants them that much.

User758172 · 17/01/2019 14:31

Do they seriously feel no shame in asking that if you? Do they think the world revolves around them? Unbelievable Confused

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 17/01/2019 14:32

They need to learn to ask in store. I understand how frustrating it is with phones etc now, I can't do so much on mine. But it's irritating for others like you. YouTube is our friend. But it sounds like YouTube is beyond her too.

ninalovesdragons · 17/01/2019 14:34

The cheek! YANBU at all. Do not go!!!

RiverTam · 17/01/2019 14:35

YAprobablyNBU, but who is this family member in relation to you and what are their circumstances?

TheQueef · 17/01/2019 14:37

Is it my Dbro?
He refuses to do tech and assumes I live to help him get tickets, plan trips, join loyalty schemes etc.
On Xmas day while I cooked he wanted me to do him a letter for tvlicencing.
He does it with the D.C. too. One works in a supermarket and is hounded with ridiculous request.

Funnily enough when he falls out with me, for one of my many crimes, he still gets about ok....

I feel your pain Brew

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/01/2019 14:37

'No' is a word you need to start using.

You don't have to be rude. Just say, "No sorry, that doesn't work for me but there will be someone in-store who will be able to help.'

And leave them to it.

getawayslough · 17/01/2019 14:44

i am sorry op but why do people postys threads like this knowing that the general consensus is going to be on your side?

Fairenuff · 17/01/2019 14:48

Why have you been doing all this. Is this another martyr thread.

oh4forkssake · 17/01/2019 14:49

I can't today. If you ask someone who works there, they'll help you. x

Done.

diddl · 17/01/2019 14:50

"'m 6 months pregnant, have painful SPD so struggle to walk very far at the moment which they know. I also have a toddler at home."

Even without this it would be acceptable to say no.

It's nice to help people out-but you're not the last resort in an emergency!

30min bus ride would be a no for me!

Original poster
Thepinkyponk · 17/01/2019 14:53

Its my aunt! She's actually very intelligent and she's had computers in her home since the days of floppy disks but is apparently completely incompetent with anything at all tech related. I don't buy it. The woman is just bloody lazy.

She's into writing and used to ask me to type up her "short stories" for her except they weren't at all short and more like bloody autobiographies.

She's had me book her hotels for her when she goes away, book her ferries, do her check ins.

I was happy to help so long as it didn't inconvenience me but now I've got children it's very inconvenient indeed. She would joke that I'm her receptionist and offer me a few quid for my troubles.

She drives me mental.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thepinkyponk · 17/01/2019 14:54

I'm frustrated with it and needed to have a rant. I'm not very confrontational.

She's a nice person generally. I'm very aware my tolerance towards her has waned in recent years.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/01/2019 14:56

Would it help if next time you saw her, you basically said to her what you've just said to us?

"Aunt X, as you know I've been happy to help you out with bits and bobs and be your 'receptionist' in the past, but now with a child and another on the way, I just can't help you out any more like I did. Really sorry but there just aren't enough hours in the day anymore!"

Just keep it lighthearted but get the message across.

PinkHeart5914 · 17/01/2019 14:58

Text back saying “I’m suffering with my SPD today and have ds to look after, so you need to ask a member of staff to help you”

The staff in boots are normally very helpful I always find and in future unless you are at her house when she wants helps say I am busy with the dc so I can’t

We live in a work full of technology and unless you are 90 I don’t think anyone has any excuse not to be able to do the basic stuff

Butterfly84 · 17/01/2019 14:59

No way. You need to nip this in the bud now. Just stop doing it.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 17/01/2019 14:59

I would reply 'really sorry but I can't today, I'm sure the staff in store will help but while you are in boots can you pick up x, y and z for me and drop them around as my spd is very painful'

Just be polite and say no nicely hit firmly and hopefully she will do it herself or more likely find someone else to do it

exexpat · 17/01/2019 15:00

Look up courses in your area for introducing elderly people to technology and send her the details? If she doesn't see herself as elderly and there are lots of pictures of smiling people with grey hair, so much the better - she might realise she is making herself seem older and more incompetent than she needs to.

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