Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To begrudge paying for a replacement screen?

105 replies

CollyWombles · 17/01/2019 13:26

Just befofe christmas the mother of my DS friend asked me if I could look after her son overnight as she had to work and had been let down by the father. I agreed though I have 4dc who were hard work with Christmas being so close, but felt sorry for her.

Anyways we had the boy over night and the next day I was working so my husband (kids stepfather) was watching the kids. My DS1 and his friend are both 10, my DS2 is 9 and ASN.

I got a phone call from DH just before I finished work to tell me DS2 had thrown the friends bag onto the floor and the screen had broken on the tablet inside. DH had sent DS2 to his room. I know my DS2 and knew there would be a reason but DH hadn't bothered getting the story, just sent DS2 to his room.

When I got home and spoke to DS2, it turned out that DS1 and the friend had been pretending DS2 didn't exist and winding DS2 up until he went into meltdown and threw the bag. Now DS1 knows exactly how to get DS2 to go into meltdown and I suspect him and his friend planned to do it together so DS2 would be sent to his room and they could take over playing on the xbox.

DH had already told the mother we would replace the screen, which happens to be an ipad air and I simply can't afford to at the moment. I feel my DS1 and her son are both to blame for DS2 meltdown and we were doing her a favour looking after the boy so close to the Christmas and also her son was taking part in winding up my ASN son to the point of meltdown. Whilst I'm sorry his screen got broken, it was an unfortunate consequence of pushing an ASN child to breaking point.

I would like to offer to pay half as I really begrudge the thought of paying full. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
CollyWombles · 17/01/2019 14:28

It was more DS1 wanting on the xbox with his friend, when it was DS2 half hour on it, rather than him wanting to be alone.

Anyways i will pay in full and chalk it up to an experience to learn from. Thanks for all the replies.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 17/01/2019 14:31

OP I mean, with the best will in the world, you need to get your DH to frankly make a fucking better job of how to understand autism, and how to supervise children before a baby comes along. Coz if he can't bloody handle it now, god knows what he'll be like with a baby added into the mix.

There seems to be a lot of excuses and not accepting where the faults primarily lie here. It's not with the mum who allowed her son to take his tablet with him, nor is it the son/friend for going along with what one of your sons is doing.

Your son broke it, your other son provoked the situation, your DH wasn't supervising and your DH needs to step up a bit more in understanding your children's needs.

C8H10N4O2 · 17/01/2019 14:33

Do you know the actual model/size? Unless its brand new then look for a second hand model so that its "like for like" rather than an implicit upgrade.

Possibly also the screen could be fixed for less than the price of a new one - get a quote for fixing it before buying new (but from an authorised repairer).

I wouldn't let mine take expensive gadgets on sleepovers, if they did then they accepted responsibility for them. Whilst DS1 was primary culprit DS2 joined in teasing an autistic child and should not be getting off scott free plus a brand new iPad.

BusterGonad · 17/01/2019 14:33

If my son was babysat and he took his iPad with him and it was broken, I would be the one that was putting it at risk and would not expect the baby sitting to pay for the new screen UNLESS it was broken intentionally. Don't get me wrong I'd be VERY pissed off but I wouldn't expect it!

C8H10N4O2 · 17/01/2019 14:34

Just at thought also - if it had a case around it and still broke are you sure it wasn't already cracked when it arrived at your house?

getawayslough · 17/01/2019 14:34

how much was it?i see your point op but sometimes it is better just to pay up in these situations and and avoid friction, fallouts, drama etc. To not pay just causes more bother in the long term. It's only money at the end of the day and can be forgotten but I have seen similar incidents like this become elevated and really it is not worth it.
Life is a bitch like that sometimes. Pay and learn from the mistake.

oh4forkssake · 17/01/2019 14:35

Hang on. It was in the bag, in a case? Unless your son threw it from a ruddy great height onto a concrete floor, I'd want to know how they know for definite he broke it!

I would expect you to make a contribution, but no way would I expect you to pay for all of it. ASD or not, this was an accident brought about by 3 children not playing appropriately (and one not looking after his things properly), not just your two. I also agree that if she can't trust her son to maintain it, or afford to replace it, then he shouldn't have had it with him.

JustTwoMoreSecs · 17/01/2019 14:36

Both DS1 and DS2 are at fault in a way so yes you should pay.

C8H10N4O2 · 17/01/2019 14:36

nor is it the son/friend for going along with what one of your sons is doing

I don't agree. A 10 yr old is old enough to know its wrong to bully an autistic child, even if they are not the instigator.

He wasn't a stranger to the house either so no excuse for not being aware.

I would have punished a child of mine joining in that bullying, I'd hope most parents would

JustTwoMoreSecs · 17/01/2019 14:38

would not expect the baby sitting to pay for the new screen UNLESS it was broken intentionally it was broken intentionally in the sense that the bag was thrown on the floor, it didn’t fell off by accident

Original poster
CollyWombles · 17/01/2019 14:42

It will be about £150 to replace the screen, the ipad air is about £400 I think? I never knew he had an expensive tablet like that, my boys have the cheapest kindle fire because I know even if they take good care of them, kids are kids and things get broken, however I am not judging, some kids are superb at looking after things. I have no idea if the screen was cracked at some other point, I think the likelyhood is that the cover wasn't folded over the screen.

OP posts:
Breakfastofmilk · 17/01/2019 14:42

I'm more concerned that you're m

C8H10N4O2 · 17/01/2019 14:45

It will be about £150 to replace the screen, the ipad air is about £400 I think?

Then screen replacement is going to get it back to where he says it was before the damage. Probably no way to know if it was already damaged.

I would expect DS1 to contribute and I would also have a discussion with the mother about the behaviour. He was joining in bullying and that is something to address with both of the older boys.

Breakfastofmilk · 17/01/2019 14:54

Sorry, posted too soon.

I'm more concerned that you've got to the point where you're married and expecting your DH's baby and he doesn't understand your DS2s additional needs. It must have either been a whirlwind (and a lot of fast change for your DC) or he hasn't made much effort.

Your DH was the adult in charge. He wasn't supervising to the level he should have and he doesn't adequately understand your sons needs. This should be the trigger for him making a full and proper effort to understand before you add a new baby to the mix.

And your DH is responsible for the cost of the repair but your DSs should be missing out on some treats as a natural consequence. You can't afford treats if you're paying for the thing they both contributed to breaking.

getawayslough · 17/01/2019 14:57

ok so is it just 150 quid to replace the screen? I am suprised they don't have insurence.

I had a similar type of situation several years ago, at the hospital I used to work in a colleague double parked me even though there were parking spaces everywhere around her. But she wanted to get closer to the door [an extran 20 seconds walk] and did not want to park beside me incase she herself got double parked so she double parked me. Anyway at end of day I had to leave fast as I had appointment across town and she was blocking me in, knowing it would take ages to find her as it is a big hospital I tried to move the car and ended up clipping her car.

Ended up costing me over 100 and I too highly resented paying her as there was no bloody reason she had to doublepark me as there were spaces all around her. I had to pay up as technically I was in the wrong so I know exactly how you feel but it is just easier imho anf ime to just pay up and be done with it in sHituations like this.

BusterGonad · 17/01/2019 15:00

Is it the iPad Air 2 op? They are the most expensive screens to replace! What a bummer!

Ragwort · 17/01/2019 15:04

Agree with Buster - this 'friend' asked you to babysit at very short notice, (did she offer to pay you?), and sent her DS with a very expensive gadget........... she can afford this ipad but can't make proper childcare arrangements Hmm. I would be very annoyed but no way would I make the host family pay for the broken item. Lesson learned, you don't take expensive gadgets with you.

SaucyJack · 17/01/2019 15:06

Yes, you need to pay I’m afraid.

The “other child started it” kind of thought only gets you off when you haven’t given birth to them as well.

Your boys broke it between them.

Original poster
CollyWombles · 17/01/2019 15:08

We are nearly five years married. He has been looking after kids for six months, before then I did and he worked. I have already agreed he was not supervising. Same as I wasn't when my 12 year old daughter broke her arm in two places doing a backflip on a trampoline of all things, far worse than a broken tablet screen. I have said we had a row initially as I was so mad, then a discussion and that he is getting there. When the baby arrives I will be caring for the kids, this has been temporary. Suggesting that he cannot adequately care for the kids and baby is actually out of order. Unless of course you are part of the perfect parent brigade. Things happen and they should be learned from. I have no doubt that my DH will supervise more closely in future, he was mortified because yes he knows he was the responsible adult when it happened but he was cooking dinner in the next room along the hall!

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 17/01/2019 15:13

my DH doesn't really understand autism

We are nearly five years married

How long is it going to take him?

Original poster
CollyWombles · 17/01/2019 15:19

Shatber, considering you originally left a short twatty reply, and only expanded further once I replied, I can only assume you are just on the wind up and as this thread is not entitled 'AIBU to have married my husband', I don't see any reason to respond to you further. My husband is a good man and a wonderful step father who was busy cooking dinner when my son had a meltdown.

He is also the same step father that goes to the school to calm my son when has has ran out of school grounds, the only man my DS will cuddle and spends ages playing lego with him even though he doesn't like lego, because he knows my DS does. So wind your neck in.

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 17/01/2019 15:20

How can you be sure the ipad was in full working order to start with?

Breakfastofmilk · 17/01/2019 15:20

I don't think expecting an adult to understand the needs of a child who they've been a step parent to for FIVE YEARS is really perfect parenting, more bare minimum.

ShatnersWig · 17/01/2019 15:32

No I'm not on the wind up. I don't expect parents to be perfect. But I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a stepparent to understand their stepchild's autism after five years.

Wind your neck in too, @Breakfastofmilk

Howdoyoudoit31 · 17/01/2019 15:35

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon

Who would take a broken iPad around a friends house ? In the hope a child will grab the bag and smash it. Get real, her son threw the bag with the iPad in.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.