Money whats fair and whats expected?

[reign]

I'm 23 and pregnant with twins, me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years and are excited about the prospect although it does feel earlier than planned. The added bonus of an extra baby has also made us worry about money.

Long story short we own a house, I'm on £30k a year he's on £45k. Currently we split all house costs down the middle and pay into a joint account for food etc. We've agreed we are going to pool our salaries together paying a 40/60 split of household expenses as I intend to go to 3 and a half days once I've finished maternity leave.

So my questions are -

1. Is this a fair arrangement... I feel bad 'taking' his money.
2. I currently cook ALL the food we both eat because he's useless but I'm worried about doing this and having two babies... He wants to get meal delivery kits to cook for his days, but this seems like to much of an added cost.
3. Is money going to feel super tight on combined salary of £66k plus paying for three days of nursery for two kids.

Thanks!

OK, , but if l were for example, preparing and cooking a meal tonight, then it really is no effort to get DH to watch and help. ditto tomorrow.

I wouldn't have thought it took the op any more time or effort, as she has said she is doing it anyway.

My Dh shows me many household things that l cannot do as he is doing them, ie computer/printer related stuff, it just being a couple.

Ok, PLUMP and ROMANOV, if op is cooking dinner tonight as usual , why can DH not watch and help so he can do it next time?
Why does that need to take any time for op, she said she cooks dinner every day?

Didn't most of us learn to cook from watching parents and helping?

Didn't most of us learn to cook from watching parents and helping?

She's not her DH's mum, though.

Why are posters so up in arms at the suggestion the op could show her DP some cooking skills, whilst she is doing it?

My neighbours DH is teaching her to drive is that also so wrong?
Should he not help his wife to learn a skill he has that will benefit them both? Or should he tell her to watch youtube instead?

My DH has shown me to edit documents on the computer/replace an inner tube.. and hundreds more things

I have shown him how to train our dogs/get wine stains out of the carpet/swim well...etc, etc

Couples help each other, and learn life skills from each other.

because you said

Dragongirl10 Thu 17-Jan-19 08:18:55
Op you need to take this time to teach your DP to make simple meals.....*
Spag bol
curry
Steak and vegetables
Casseroles

why does the OP have to teach him to cook? He is a grown up man, he can ask for help if he needs it - and what kind of adult cannot follow a recipe?

Ok so maybe my writing style was a bit abrupt.....how about if l had said ''perhaps when you are cooking op, DH could help and learn so that he can do the cooking some of the time''

Why on earth are you paying 50:50 now when he earns 50% more than you? It should be 33:66 now.
You're a partnership- you have bought a home and are having children together. There's no his money/your money any more.

And twins & cooking? Forget it. He has a couple of months to learn how to make speedy basic nutritious meals. Bf makes you hungrier than an athlete. Fill the freezer with batch-cooked meals before you give birth.

My children are all singletons, but in the first couple of weeks I never had chance to even make tea and toast.

Sorry overwhelmed - logged back on and there was 50 more comments..

I don't really know what to respond. We've payed 50/50 up until now because we are 23 & 24 and we (shock) weren't planning on having kids at this very moment.

I cook because he's bad at it, but y'know I also never take my car to get fixed/serviced, mop the floor or clean the windows because he does. We are both aware he needs to cook - I just wanted feedback on people that had had them whether I was wrong and they ARE worth the money.

Really enjoying the perception I'm going to get dumped and be sad and poor. I'm not going to propose marriage, each to there own. We are getting wills though.

We sat down and worked out whats fair salary wise. Taking £500 each for fun money and the rest is getting paid towards the new car and into our ISA's and children's ones (when they arrive.)

I'm not loosing sleep on sacrificing my career, I'm currently a level 9 at my job and you can move up to 12 without interview and is based on skill and I've watched (many) part time colleagues be upgraded through the scale.

In regards to my Mum watching babies, I'm also worried if this would work etc but hopeful as it would be for 4 and a half hours a week :)

Thanks for the well wishes all! Caved and found out we are having two boys!

Congratulations!

Congratulations! If you've not had a child before, twins aren't as bad as people like to make out. We've all survived 11 years down the line

We earned a bit more than you when we had twins. I went part time - 3 days a week but we view both salaries as family income. Everything is joint and had been for a while before