To dread my wedding?

[sailorcherries]

We're approaching the final countdown, around 90 days or so to go, and I'm dreading it.

I wanted to go away and get married but never because of my grandmother. She won't see another grandchild get married, has done a lot for me, and wouldn't be able to fly.
I'm now stuck with a wedding I've never envisioned, in a venue I'm not too fond of, with a guest list I'm not keen on with no way out. Our honeymoon also won't be the kind I dreamed of as a child (I dreamed of the honeymoon, not the wedding) because we have kids.
My parents and DPs parents have kindly paid for our wedding and it is a budget wedding. We've have contributed some savings.
The venue is nice but, had I known I'd be married in this country, it would not be anywhere near my top 50. I have a top list of venues that I genuinely go weak kneed for, but at over £8,000 for hire only and no food/drink I'd mever, ever be able to afford them. My guest list is too much for my liking but again, it's done. Honeymoon won't be the far off places because of young kids.

I know we could have waited and saved more but with two kids I didn't want to spend silly amounts on one day, when it could go towards them. I also had enough for the wedding I dreamed of. DP and I compromised on a lot because we're people pleasers. This has massively impacted our day, much to my now dismay.

To top it off my sister's boyfriend has just messaged me about ring shopping and I am thrilled to go, she deserves this. However I know, knowing my sister, she will not have the same issues I do. I know it will be a big wedding, in the venue she wants (even if it cripples my parents and his) because she gets what she wants. I feel jealous and she's not even engaged. Not jealous of a big white wedding, but jealous of having what she wants. This bit I know is bloody pathetic.

I'm hoping this is just nerves. My day will be good, I'm marrying the man I love and that's that. As a bonus we will have so many people who love us there. In a few months no one will care about the day apart from us. The stress is also starting to creep in - finalising our ceremony, ensuring we have all our decorations, writing vows, ordering invites and so on in between work and real life. Work is also stressful, hence sitting at 11:55pm, drinking wine, worrying and getting upset about something that makes me seem so selfish and precious.
Aibu in feeling a bit sad, a bit gutted, while also knowing this is a first world problem and my day will be perfect, if not what I imagined?

Also don't get the honeymoon thing unless you mean you just need a holiday

I bet if the relatives paying saw your thread title and reasons they'd want a refund.

I'm marrying the man I love and that's that remember this bit, it's really important. Remember about your Granny too. Use it as a mantra and sweep all other thoughts out of your head.

Martha

The honeymoon thing clearly said as a child I wanted to go on a honeymoon to a far flung place, however the reality of that is that it won't happen and I'm sad. No it's not something I can change (the kids) but something that has made me feel down, not getting that wee bit I had wanted.
As an aside, I had my DS when I was 17. Honeymoons were not on my radar, or marriage, so no I wasn't thinking of the future implications when he arrived. I was too busy trying to work and finish university.

My mum has already apologised for taking over a bit, only recently and only when she was drunk, as she knows this isn't what I'm comfortable with. I never asked her to contribute and was happy spending as little as possible but it was the people pleasing which then caused the guest list to explode and her to offer me the money. She has acknowledged that may have been slightly selfish (inviting her friend because 20 years ago my mum went to this friends daughters wedding, for example).

Also, everyone knows I'm dreading it because I don't do large crowds, I don't do public speaking or being the centre of attention. Had I spent £400,000 and had a dove place a ring on my finger and unicorns serve me cake I'd still hate it because the amount of people.

As an aside my gran has early onset dementia, she is going downhill quickly and I'll be lucky if she remembers attending my wedding. Even if she's alive when my sister gets married she won't be there, not really.

I wouldn't get too hung up on your sisters plans though Op

Maybe start saving for a lovely holiday like the one you dreamt of as a girl

Hello OP,you are going to enjoy your wedding more than you thought and one day your dh to be will surprise you with the holiday/honeymoon you won't have right now.
Concentrate on your blessings and let the negative feelings go,they are weighing you down.

I got married young and with no money. We were going to have registry office and pub after but mil kindly organised hotel and church.

I would have liked a castle on a Clifford abroad but I was realistic as we were young and skint - being married was more important.

It's one day.

Why not nip to a register (registry?) office with the kids and partner and get the legal bit done and dusted in a more intimate way - and a nice treaty meal afterwards?

Then have the big do, as planned, later.

That way you get a more personal and chilled day with the people you love most and the 'do' will feel less stressful and more like a party/celebration

You don't need to let people know you're already married...

Dear Op,

Take a ton of pics with your Gran in your wedding dress on the day. The pics will be something that you will be so happy to have years later. Maybe frame a really gorgeous one for her to have with her to help her remember the day. The beautiful pics with your DH and children will also be wonderful to focus on (maybe let the kids do some silly face/pose ones too).

Best of luck!

You say you "also had enough for the wedding you dreamed of" so why didn't you choose better venue and have it all nicer but in the uk and not take any money from your parents and PIL for them to take over.

Just remember why you are getting married and all the rest of it is just materialistic, and you will love having your grandmother there so should all be worth it.

People pleasers are usually pleased when other people are happy, this doesn't seem to have worked out for you. You never know it may turn out to be brilliant as your expectations are so low, I hope so, as you should love your wedding day.

Good luck and hopefully but will turn it out great.

Tigger I had about £2000 to pay for flights and a hotel for the kids, DP and myself to get a simply wedding abroad. The wedding I wanted.

The one thing that shines out from your post is how much love there is. You are completely surrounded by it, and giving it back. All the people that are important to you will be able to be there, and you are giving them something very special by acknowledging that they are important enough to you for you to fit your wedding around them.

Make sure you get lots of photographs of everyone on the day. My weddding day photo of my GF was the last one I got of him, and I treasure it.

Happy wedding!

Thank you MaFleur