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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter broken her new phone

170 replies

lexi873 · 15/01/2019 19:57

Hey,
So as the title says I bought my 11 year old daughter an iPhone for Christmas after a long time of nagging that eeeveryone else has got one, and today she has spilt a bloody drink on it and broken it!
I know accidents happen but I’m more angry that she’s hidden it and lied I asked her what had happened to the screen and she kept saying she didn’t know (the apps keep closing and the screen is swiping by itselflf) so more fool me thought it must be faulty and was going to take it back to the shop tomorrow before she confessed!
I know she’s only 11 and accidents happen but my AiBu is would you make her pay out of her own money for a repair or the cost? It’s on contract for £22 a month for 18 months and I’ve got to pay that and she’s only had the damn thing 3 weeks, I know I should have got insurance but the cost of the phone was enough and I could only afford a phone as a treat in the first place. I’m so angry, it’s her birthday on Friday and I’m meant to be taking her and a friend for a meal and sleepover but I don’t even feel like it now after she lied.
What would anyone else do? Thanks

OP posts:

Severide08 · 16/01/2019 16:49

GladAllOver rude ,my 12yr old has an iphone too and i have plenty of sense thanks. That's your opinion you think she is too young but to say parent's have no sense is rude .

SoupDragon · 16/01/2019 16:54

Pretty much all DD's friends had iPhones in Y6. Mostly hand me downs I imagine. They all had smartphones in Y7.

Pinkprincess1978 · 16/01/2019 17:36

We gave our ds an old iPhone (so didn't cost us anything) but he dropped it down the toilet. He was totally broken and couldn't be repaired and we were gutted even though we weren't left paying a contract.

Also, water damage can't always be repaired. I had a phone that got wet camping. Phone was working on the morning hut it wouldn't recharge back up. They couldn't fix it 😟

needanappp · 16/01/2019 17:40

@lexi873 do you have home insurance? If you do and you have accidental damage it should be covered under your home insurance.

CrazyLady82 · 16/01/2019 18:02

I remember when DD was 12 we got her a new smartphone. We got one of those indestructible cases. While chatting with friends before school she decided to test the case and threw her phone at a concrete pillar. Shattered the case and screen.

We had insurance but she had to pay the deductible. Since she was after her Bday and christmas was 5 months away she went up and worked hours at her grandmother's shop.

I paid the deductable to replace the phone and she paid mb e back. But during the time she was paying me back she had to have an old flip phone we had from a few years before.

She learned what it was to have to spend your own money on things. She also learned if she intentionally broke her phone again she would have to have the old phone and she hated it as it had no internet. And only the number pad so texting was harder.

Confusedbeetle · 16/01/2019 18:12

an iphone for a 11 yr old!! suck it up it was a bad decision

Dungeondragon15 · 16/01/2019 18:18

They will drop or break them so it is always worth getting insurance for the first couple of years. I make DD pay for half the deductable.

Spunkymonkey2019 · 16/01/2019 18:21

If you kept trying the phone after it had water tipped on it, it’s likely you’ve done more damage (speaking from experience). It should have been turned off immediately. Fingers crossed you haven’t!

For what it’s worth I’ve got my iphone6, dp an iPhone 6, exdp an iPhone 6 and ds an iPhone 6, all on eBay for between £60-£110 each. We then put £10 on a month credit.

Howdoyoudoit31 · 16/01/2019 18:21

Loads of 11 year olds have iPhones. It’s really not that uncommon or a stupid choice.

potatoscone · 16/01/2019 18:23

Loads of 11 year olds have iPhones. It’s really not that uncommon or a stupid choice.

It's a stupid choice if, like the OP, you can't afford it.

Yabbers · 16/01/2019 20:01

she’s always been seen as a “good” child by teachers and adults and hates to be in any sort of trouble so panics and lies, she does it when something happens at school too not just at home with me.

DD is like that. We have never got cross with accidents, spillages etc but she still gets really scared if she does something wrong. She just hates making mistakes. She doesn’t lie about stuff, but only because she knows fine we’ll we will find out and that does make us angry. Ignore everyone trying to make you into a parenting failure, it seems to be a favourite pastime here.

I totally understand the “she doesn’t deserve a treat” irrationality. But you got past that and know you wouldn’t have actually done it.

I would definitely have her pay all or some of any repair, and also have her buy a case for it.

There is nothing wrong with an 11 year old having a smart phone. People just need to move with the times. DDs school has apps for homework and stuff, and it is entirely possible to lock it down so they aren’t accessing nasty stuff on the internet.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/01/2019 20:19

GladAllOver
I as a parent am aware of the phones my friends children’s have not because it’s a competition but because it comes up in conversation. Not the model necessarily. I also know what some of dds friends have seeing as phones are an accessory and also because I ask them to text their parents they have arrived at mine (yr6 kids). So please don’t tell me all or a lot of children are pleading for iPhones when other children don’t really have them.

Nomorepies · 16/01/2019 20:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

SoupDragon · 17/01/2019 07:41

Of course an 11 year old is going to break or damage an expensive phone

Mine didn't. There is no "of course" about it at all.

My 19 year old is a different matter...

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 17/01/2019 07:51

Of course an 11 year old is going to break or damage an expensive phone

Generalising much? My nearly 13 year old has had an iPhone since he was 10, he’s had 2 since then, and never smashed or broken them, he also has other expensive gadgets (iMac, drone, iPad etc) and all been very carefully looked after.

His 9 year old brother has his old iPhone and again this is very much looked after, alongside his other expensive gadgets.

So while some 11 year old smashes /damaged expensive equipment some very much don’t

PeroniZuchini · 17/01/2019 07:53

Op I have no constructive advice on the phone (I hope it is ok by now!) however I do want to say that I hope you aren’t too traumatised by any of the other posters’ comments on here about your parenting. We all cock up from time to time and it is quite natural to get frustrated, angry and even (god forbid) to shout at our little darlings. It is also quite normal to get ground down by a chid’s pester power and to give in and buy them something you’d otherwise not do so. Eleven year olds are particularly affected by what their peers do and have, and it is quite common for them to want to fit in even if it means driving their parents to distraction. I’d love to know how many judgey parents on here get it right 100% of the time... good luck op and remember AIBU can be a parallel yet brutal universe to RL

EmeraldShamrock · 17/01/2019 08:02

The insurance on iPhones can be as expensive as the contract.
I hope you get it fixed, I would make her pay towards it, try stretch to a cover and case, you can get durable cases at a cheap price.
OP most children at 11 have phones these days. I held my DD10 off this year but she needs her tablet for homework. It is the norm for 11yo to have phones these days.
Hopefully it won't happen again, if it breaks again take it away for a year

QueenieIsLost · 17/01/2019 16:12

Of course an 11 year old is going to break or damage an expensive phone
Really? Both my dcs have had smartphone since the start of Y7 amd ipads for school (so ipads in the school bag taken to school everyday).
Neither of them have ever broken anything. They are now doing their GCSE (so Y10 and 11).

I think that starting form the POV that of course an 11yo will break something expensive/more fragile isn’t conductive to teaching them to be careful. And in some aha, nor is the insurance that will reqssurevthem it doesn’t matter if they do.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 17/01/2019 17:02

I'd make her pay, and possibly not go for the meal although I'd let her have her sleepover.

The lying is harder. I'd remind her that honesty is always the best policy but I'd be worried as to why she felt the need to lie.

At 18, I borrowed DMs digital camera for my school leavers ball. I was really careful with it, until I stepped backwards to take a photo and slipped in a puddle of beer I had no idea was there in the dark. The camera bit the dust as I flung my hands out to break my fall. I rang home straight away as I believed honesty was the best policy and didn't want to be accused of "hiding" it if I admitted it the next day. I expected that she would be cross but was unprepared for the most horrific, screamed verbal abuse. She verbally beat me up. I had to be coaxed out of the loo in tears and someome rang her back to point out that I could have seriously hurt myself had I prioritised her (covered under insurance) camera. She screamed at me all the way home and for hours straight when we got back. For my honesty. I had offered to replace the camera immediately when I called her as well.

So I can see why your nervous would have lied. DM thinks I've forgiven her for that night 10 years ago. I haven't.

TheCounter · 17/01/2019 17:28

I worked in an office where I lost count of the times someone came in asking if anyone knew of a good repair shop for a cracked/broken/wet iPhone.
And these were grown woman in their 20s 30s and 40s.
They're inherently fragile and the screens are about as tough as a thin sheet of ice.
Shoulda gone for an Android. I had an HTC one that was dropped out a second story window into the path in the garden, into a pint of beer, lost for 3 days then found on the grass outside a pub in the middle of winter and it only died after 5 years use due to the battery giving out.
These things happen. When they spend that much time in your hand or pocket

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