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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter broken her new phone

170 replies

lexi873 · 15/01/2019 19:57

Hey,
So as the title says I bought my 11 year old daughter an iPhone for Christmas after a long time of nagging that eeeveryone else has got one, and today she has spilt a bloody drink on it and broken it!
I know accidents happen but I’m more angry that she’s hidden it and lied I asked her what had happened to the screen and she kept saying she didn’t know (the apps keep closing and the screen is swiping by itselflf) so more fool me thought it must be faulty and was going to take it back to the shop tomorrow before she confessed!
I know she’s only 11 and accidents happen but my AiBu is would you make her pay out of her own money for a repair or the cost? It’s on contract for £22 a month for 18 months and I’ve got to pay that and she’s only had the damn thing 3 weeks, I know I should have got insurance but the cost of the phone was enough and I could only afford a phone as a treat in the first place. I’m so angry, it’s her birthday on Friday and I’m meant to be taking her and a friend for a meal and sleepover but I don’t even feel like it now after she lied.
What would anyone else do? Thanks

OP posts:
Cauliflowersqueeze · 16/01/2019 06:38

If you can’t afford the insurance you can’t afford the phone.

Give her a brick phone in the meantime.
Reassure her that it’s your fault because when you buy expensive things you must always get insurance.

AJPTaylor · 16/01/2019 06:39

Check it isn't covered under your normal household policy, if you have one.
Get her to choose if she wants to pay for repair if it's repairable.
If she can't get a replacement sim from your company and a cheap phone.
Do not berate her. IPhones are easily damaged and she is 11. She prob feels terrible.

FixTheBone · 16/01/2019 06:40

@HandDriedRoses

So, commit a criminal act, defraud an insurance company, and contribute to increased premiums for everyone else. Yeah, thanks for that, and a tremendous example to set.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 16/01/2019 06:42

Gobblers beats me. They’re exposed to so much and get sucked into virtual worlds and social media before they can handle it. I wish smart phones had an age requirement. I wish up to age 14 or 15 they could only use brick phones to text or to phone. That’s all they really need from a parent’s point of view.

Notso · 16/01/2019 06:56

I always think when something like this happens the feeling of dread you get is punishment enough. I feel annoyed when I look at the cracked corner of my iPhone 6, it's like having a little voice saying "you are clumsy and you ruin your stuff" every time.
So when DS1 13 dropped his iPhone 5 down the toilet I didn't punish him, I gave him a hug (he was crying) and told him if he paid half from his savings we'd buy a replacement.
I only buy PAYG phones outright for me and the kids often second hand although DD's last one was new. Only DH has a contract phone paid by his work.

Vegisgrowingwell · 16/01/2019 07:09

Do those of you saying 11 year olds shouldn't have phones have children?
At secondary school I don't know a single child without one and most do seem to have iPhones (I know this as they iMessage each other).

My daughter had a phone to go to secondary school and we find it really useful. I may have been in the bubble of, no 11 year old needs a phone, but that's just not what it's like in the real world.

Leonard1 · 16/01/2019 07:13

Moving forward after the rice and a repair insure it. iPhones are expensive and the chances of her loosing it is also an issue. Insurance cover varies. I pay £79 a year for good cover.

Armadillostoes · 16/01/2019 07:13

Vegi-are you perhaps confusing iphones with smart phones?

GobblersKnob · 16/01/2019 07:25

I have kids, the oldest is 14 and a half. He's had a phone for six months. None of his friends had phones at 11! The other is 10, no phone, no desire for a phone, no friends with phones. Can't believe all these kids have phones so young.

Bellatrix14 · 16/01/2019 07:30

Seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I think people are being quitr hard on you on here. You’ve said yourself that you’re not so angry that she spilled a drink on it, but you’re angry that she lied about what had happened. I would be too. I wouldn’t cancel her birthday plans over it (as you’ve said that you’re now not going to do) but I would have been annoyed. Presumably if it’s her birthday soon she’s almost 12 (so year 7?), old enough to realise that you shouldn’t be lying about things. I would apologise to her if you feel you overreacted to her (although you might not have done!) but explain it was the lying that you were more annoyed about. Then explain that if this phone isn’t fixable she might have to have a cheaper phone until the contract runs out. It will unfortunately be a good lesson in things not always being able to be replaced straight away! I don’t think it’s any reflection on you that she avoided telling you (as lots of people seem to be suggesting Hmm), I think most people would be nervous of telling someone they’d broken an expensive gift, regardless of how reasonable their parent was! And I hope you’re able to get it fixed.

Also, I work in a secondary school, most of year 7 have better phones than I do. I’m not saying that makes it sensible, but you’re far from the only person to have bought an 11 year old an iPhone!

TheBigBangRocks · 16/01/2019 07:33

Accidents happen. It's worrying she was scared to tell you and felt lying was the better option. I'd be more concerned about that than the phone.

I'd certainly not be removing birthday treats though. Doesn't everyone make mistakes or have accidents?

OhFlipMama · 16/01/2019 07:43

Oh judgy judgy judgy. The child really wanted one and the op wanted to treat her. She's not the first 11 year old to have an iPhone. Hope you can fix it op, check home insurance like other posters have suggested and don't make your daughter feel too bad - you don't want her to hide things from you in the future.

Neverunderfed · 16/01/2019 07:48

I feel really sorry for her tbh.

Lovemusic33 · 16/01/2019 07:48

Just buy her a cheap phone she can put the SIM card in, she will no longer have a trendy iPhone and will learn to look after things. My dd has a iPhone but I only bought it last year when she was 13, at 11 I bought her a cheap phone to see how well she would look after it, she looks aftert hings quite well so I bought her a 2nd hand iPhone (not a new one), I pay around £18 a month for it, she knows if she breaks it she will end up with a old phone.

SoupDragon · 16/01/2019 07:50

Why do people say "oooh you should have got insurance! Why didn't you get insurance?" Do they think it is in any way helpful or relevant?

potatoscone · 16/01/2019 07:52

Oh judgy judgy judgy. The child really wanted one and the op wanted to treat her

That's great, but OP couldn't afford the 'treat' in the first place, so should learn to live with it her means and not buy expensive shit just so her 11 year old can be like her friends.

BlimeyCalmDown · 16/01/2019 07:52

Your own fault for not getting insurance, if it didn't happen now it was bound to happen before contract was up. She would have lied as she was scared of your reaction - and she was quite right to be as your first reaction was to ruin her birthday!!! So no I am not at all surprised she felt she had to lie! Glad to see you have changed your mind and will not ruin her birthday after :)

Have you done the rice thing as everyone is suggesting?
Hopefully you will get all the protector things that you are meant to have as well.

masterandmargarita · 16/01/2019 07:53

Vegi - the 'real world' is what you make it

Collaborate · 16/01/2019 07:56

When we got our daughter a new iPhone we added accidental damage and upped the limit on what we could claim for phones. It only added around £20-£30 to the annual premium.

Howdoyoudoit31 · 16/01/2019 08:05

Some people are so harsh. So what if you wouldn’t buy your 11 year old an iPhone. Some parents do.

It was an accident for god sake! She didn’t mean to break it. Ask her to pay something towards the repair and leave it as that.

Pissedoffdotcom · 16/01/2019 08:07

If your child makes their own way to school a phone is a good idea. Always best to know they can contact you in an emergency, no?

That said, i wouldn't have got an expensive and ridiculously easy to break phone, it would have been a cheapie. I have broken my fair share of phones; falling out of pocket, out of hole in bag, dropping in bath, dropping down toilet, dropping a tin of potatoes on it...accidents happen. It's sad that she felt she had to lie to you, rather than be able to tell you she had an accident with it. You're definitely U if you spoil her birthday

QueenieIsLost · 16/01/2019 08:09

I’m [ahock] to see how so few people think the dd is responsible.

I’m afraid in my house the answer would be, it’s broken. It’s tough but no phone. She should have been more careful about her stuff, just like if she was an adult btw.
I would also propose to her that she could pay for the repair if she wants to and leave her to take the decision.

What I wouod NOT do is beat myself up for not having an insurance (I don’t and nor have my teens). Feel guilty because you took something expensive for her etc etc and then fell that, as it clearly has to you ur fault, pay for everything.

thegreylady · 16/01/2019 08:13

I gave dgs my iPhone 5s when he went to secondary school. He has a very tough cover and screen protector and treats it very carefully. It has been a godsend. I pick him up from school and he can tell me if he is delayed or vice versa. His parents were going to get him a phone when he was 12 anyway.

DoYouLikeBasghetti · 16/01/2019 08:13

6demandingchildren
This advice. Totally. I dropped my phone in a hot tub with chlorine and jets and I did exactly that. 3 years on and my phone still works.

QueenieIsLost · 16/01/2019 08:13

It was an accident for god sake! She didn’t mean to break it

Sometimes, the consequences of an accident is that you loose the item and can’t have it again. That’s part of life and a lesson that the dd might have to learn too.
Accidents are only ok when you know you can replace the item. I’ve found again and again that, when you know you can’t replace that item, regardless of what it is, you are always much more careful with it.

I suspect the dd wasn’t that careful and nor are the numerous posters saying it has happened to them, it can’t be helped etc... (with the normal disclaimer about SN etc etc)