Long time lurker, first time poster.
I am in my mid-twenties and my partner is in his late twenties. We currently own a flat together which we have sold and cannot complete until we buy a house. We've had a few problems, no abuse or cheating but have really strained our relationship recently with some issues and are working on it. They aren't huge and I think it's from different levels of maturity, i.e. I am more mature.
Anyway, I am wanting to get married to him. We always discussed that we would and I thought it would have happened last year but he wasn't ready. We've just found a house we both love and can afford and want to buy. We have been together almost 4 years now.
However, I am starting to wonder whether the marriage is actually going to happen. He wants us to buy the house together but I see it as a bigger commitment now as if he doesn't propose in the next few years I'd really consider leaving as it would seem like he was never going to do it - when you know you know right? and buying a house would be a huge financial commitment I only want to do if we are planning on it being forever.
So now I've said I don't want to buy until we are engaged but it comes across as an ultimatum as he doesn't want to rent after we sell and also wants this house we both love, whilst i'm of the same opinion, i'd still rather miss out because i'll end up financially tied and resentful, considering there's about 10k of stamp duty too it's an expensive decision.
One minute he says it's the cost of the ring but I've said I don't want an expensive one and we can look at the weekend, then he isn't happy with the ultimatum. The thing is though, that I genuinely feel this way and one of us needs to compromise.
He said 'what if I guarantee it happens within a year?' I said no to this as he could easily back out and has said it would be within the year last time which never happened.
Do you have any advice? WWYD?
I know he does want to be with me and does love me, he seems scared if I'm honest.