To have no time for 'nonsense' anymore

[scoobydoobydoooooh]

People expecting me to travel thousands of miles to attend their destination wedding.

People putting their name on waiting lists for designer handbags that cost thousands of pounds.

Pamper parties for 9 year olds.

Any other grumpy old ladies like to list the modern day nonsense they can live without?

People with IBS.

You've just eaten a shedload.

*People with IBS.

You've just eaten a shedload*

Or, they have a medical bowel condition. How bizarre to get annoyed by someone's illness.

‘Cake smash’ photography sessions for babies / toddlers- what a bloody waste of cake ffs

Instagram full stop

Tweenagers being allowed expensive make up

People who feel entitled to be fucking rude to others in the morning and whine "I'm just not HUMAN until I've had my coffee!!!". Grow. Up.

Huns

Trendy "street food" which costs £9 that you have to eat standing up or wandering around attempting to look like you're enjoying the vibe while trying not to get bao sauce down your top.

Bridal showers - just fuck the fuck off
Instagram 'Influencers' - see above
Lip fillers
Ass fillers
Kardashian Jenners claiming their bums are real - fuck off

Parents who do their primary aged children's school projects - it's obvious to the teachers you know

Cliques at work where colleagues barge in and take over conversations

People who dunt me with their trolleys or baskets as they shove their way past in the supermarket

Smokers - anywhere

The Walliams Plague

Shitstirrers trying to derail

Bepenised types bossing

The death of critical analysis and logic

Greed

oh and those who barge wheelchairs or people with walking sicks etc, give the inform space ffs, they hurt when you bash them. That includes parents not telling their children to do the same. MOVE OVER.

infirm not inform.

I also detest illiterate autocorrect.

Oh BoF that's shit

Stuck up school mums who pretend they never go Aldi and when you do see them in there at 9pm on a school night they wave a dismissive hand across their trolley of food and Waitrose bags for life (to camouflage it all) they say “oh I never usually come in here x isn’t it reasonable”

I don’t care whose behind me people who decided to stop walking, do a shoulder hunch/slump and answer a life or death text message so that Other pedestrians can a) trip up over you as you stopped dead in the middle of the pavement/road/zebra crossing/shop doorway b) block the train barrier so you miss your train c) or block you trying to walk along altogether as They weave walking while drafting a return text

People who talk loudly on phones in quiet zones or meander while FaceTiming in shopping centres ...

People who talk on phones while being served in shops ! Rude!

Unnecessarily oversized unhealthy foods just for the sake of it or the marketing opportunity. 'Freakshakes' for example.

Those letters that sometimes come in Christmas cards proclaiming how perfect the senders lives have been, how wonderful their job, kids,holiday, family life is.

Likewise the modern equivalent...when posters use Facebook for the same purpose.

People who fail to check some juicy gossip or offer that's travelled up their Twitter or Facebook timeline.

No. Aldi are not going to give the first 100 likes or Retweets a £100 voucher.

No the Queen isn't dead.

Check the account name.

Check the source.

And fuck off sharing some Like farming garbage.

People who walk down a path size by side when there's only room for two 'lanes'. Shall i stop with my buggy and let you pass so as not to interrupt your conversation? Or continue ahead and be scowled at for taking my rightful footpath space?!

When drivers seemingly kindly let other drivers do illegal things, like turn out in front of them when they don't have right of way but must have been waiting. It might be nice but there are road rules for a reason and everyone then gets confused! Just follow the damn rules.

And podcast speak. Possibly originating from Ira Glass/ This American Life but they all bloody do it now "Soooo I was walking down the street and thought, what's with that totally inane thing that nobody cares about? Like, why does it happen? Here's the story." Drives me mental as i usually like the content, it's the delivery that kills me.

People who get offended on behalf of others, usually about the tiniest little thing.

People who get offended if someone doesn't notice the small change in their haircut / colour / makeup / clothes etc....

Cards for everything.

Recipe bloggers who insist on telling their life story before posting the actual recipe. Why??????!!!!!!!!

What a breath of fresh air this thread is

Cosmetic Surgery

“Attention! For those desiring body
Re-construction. You can be on the
way to a new You. Now thanks to a
range of cosmetic techniques,
your true beauty is unlocked”.
Dr. Hiram Shapemgood.

Take my mate’s girl friend - answered the advert:
she’s a cosmetic surgeon’s dream:
Botox rid the wrinkles round her eyes
and Lipo-Suction smoothed her cheeks.

Then the talk was all about
her saggy, thin lips: a Trout Pout
soon transformed them into
tasty, luscious smackers.

She just had to get a Nose Job.
a Chin Lift followed that.
Neck Fat Transfer was a bargain
and banished unwanted floppy bulges.

For the sake of body proportion,
A Boob Job next: had 'em reshaped:
made pert with silicon implants
firmer, fuller, lifted, enhanced.

As for her abdomen – The Tummy Tuck.
Buttocks augment? – The Butt Lift,
Hips reshaped. Thighs trimmed.
Knees, calves, and ankles re-contoured.

She loves herself the way she is
and swears it’s all worthwhile.
As for him? She who once was toned, elastic,
he reckons might as well be Barbie Doll plastic.

TOBIAS

Expectant mums who think I want to look at their baby scans.....it's just a BLOB!!!!! I don't care.......
Middle aged men in very tight lycra infesting country roads in cycling packs every weekend. Put it away it's gut churning not sexy or sporty and ride in single file please. Also, pull in occasionally to let motorists past.
Overweight people who say they need to loose weight - do I agree or say ooooh no you don't. Both feel wrong!

Best thread for a long time

Oh and the small minority of dog owners that allow their dogs to jump up kids. We have one in particular in our park - my dog is quite timid,but everytime this dog sees mine immediately bounds over jumps on mine (it’s about twice as big) mine yelps and tries to get away, dog then jumps up my 6 year old who pushes it down and turns around I grab hold of dogs collar until owner catches up. Yes I know he’s friendly but he’s also extremely rude and poorly trained and you’re a shit owner. Actually now I just grab the dog as soon as it comes over.

#nofilter when it’s clearly filtered to the point where there have no nostrils.

The same fucking person sending me every fucking hoax going on Messenger despite me sending a Snopes link back every fucking time.

Attention seeking Facebook statuses like “I hate hospitals” with every “U ok hun” being answered by “I’ll PM you”

People posting hearts for “breast cancer awareness”. We’re all aware of fucking breast cancer thanks Karen.

MLM huns adding me to their “sprinkling of fairy dust” groups and then re-adding me when I remove myself.

Passive aggressive memes about fake friends posted with the comment “so true”.

Lip fillers. Just no

I could probably go on for several hours but I need to go to work 😀

Everything above

The deification of sport and acting 'heroes' especially footballers and Hollywood 'stars'. How very privileged indeed to make an absolute fortune out of your talents. To me the real heroes are those frontline NHS, emergency service, teaching and home/residential care staff who go well out of their way to earn a tiny fraction of your overinflated incomes yet face criticism and abuse to do essential jobs in society

Everything about the BBC these days

Current British politics

Thank you for listening! 😤