How do I respond to people commenting on the age I became a parent

[WobbleBottomBum]

I had my child aged 21. I am now back working in the area I studied for having done retail & admin for 15 years. DC is now 16.

I'm 37 and this is the age most of my professional colleagues are having their first baby.

'Oh my god, I could never have had a child that young!'

'wow, I can't believe you have a teenager doing GCSEs!'

'you are only a 'basic entry level' still. God, I got that out of the way 10 years ago but I guess you were doing the mum thing'.

I'm getting tired of this and find it really hurtful.

Aibu to be upset ?
How do I respond in a professional way? What can I say in response? I normally just shrug or make noncommittal noises.

I get comments and looks and I had mine mid to late 20s. Yes I look younger, ok I don’t look like a mum, acknowledge it’s a silly thing to say. No I’m not her sister, yes Dr I’m her mum, no GP receptionist I don’t need my mum to sign the form - I am the mum. No I’m not the office secretary and I’m not ordering your fucking highlighters or booking your train.

Beyond tedious. Especially as my body is crippled so I feel much older.

Oh my god, I could never have had a child that young!
"Did you not start your periods by 21?"

wow, I can't believe you have a teenager doing GCSEs!
"Yup. Don't I look amazing in spite of all the stress!?"

'you are only a 'basic entry level' still. God, I got that out of the way 10 years ago but I guess you were doing the mum thing'.

Last is a shit comment & deserves a hard WTF stare.

I said to a friend of a friend the other day (who mentioned a 23 year old son) that I couldn't believe she was old enough to have grown up children. It didn't occur to me that she could take it as anything other than a compliment. I just meant she looked young.

I can't believe people are suggesting making pointed comments back. I wouldn't do that - it'll just make you seem catty and insecure.

My mum forged a great career because so many colleagues around her age were going on maternity leave she "acted up" one role after another, constantly on maternity cover contracts to gain more for her CV. She also did A LEVEls alongside work and uni when I was doing all that too.
She has just retired.
I waited until my 30's yes I had travelled but I lost my house to my abusive ex and have spent all my savings since. I am in my 40's with a load of qualifications that mean nothing because I am not "up to speed" and indeed I would be lucky to get any job at all as I don't even rate interviews now.

You could tell them that, at 37, they are lucky to still be fertile - this is harsh, but there is statistical truth in it.

The comment about being entry level is silly - there are loads of people who change careers in mid-life.

One thing I often wish is that I could have met DH when I was younger and had our family in my twenties. I have always quietly admired one of my friends from work who had her two at 16 & 19 and despite becoming a SP for most of their upbringing and having some hard struggles along the way, developed her career and is at the same level as me. I reached a senior post and then started a family so I was fortunate to have achieved a good position to return to from ML, except now I am in my early 40’s with DD 6 & DD 9 whereas my friend has one DC graduated from Uni and one finishing school soon (or finished?! 🤔). And she’s not even 40 yet!! You’ll be in that great position too, climbing the ranks at work, if that’s what you’d like, if you just focus on remaining professional in the face of any ‘off’ comments and doing the best job you can. Assume the best of people unless it’s obvious they are being derogatory, in which case, ignore. It’s their problem, not yours.

Good luck.

That "entry level" comment was really bitchy, sorry OP. Otherwise though unfortunately I think this is a typical example of women judging and bashing other women for different choices. It sucks at the other end of the age spectrum too, as evidenced by some of the nasty "wrinkled old hag" comments of other posters in this thread directed "jokingly" at older mothers. I wish folk would just be more kind and less judgy in general.

hmm, people are often rude about things they secretly want for themselves. Are the comments about your entry level job from childless women by any chance? or women who are going through the sleepless nights phase? Ask them about their children and why they waited so long if you want to fight fire with fire!

As for the 'wow, I can't believe you have a child that old' type comments - its just someone commenting on something quite unusual. No harm meant by it.

yes, just shrug and ignore. It's probably more about themselves than it's about you, they don't mean anything negative. Around me, it's very unusual for women to have babies that young, so people might react just because it happens to be unusual. There's no judgment about it.

That “I can’t believe you had a child when you were that old! Do people think you are the Nan/Grandad” and watch the smile drip off their wrinkly old face like haemorrhoid cream for the 65+ market. would just make you sound like a twat, and an immature one.

Some people just prefer to be parents at 40 than grand-parents.

I am 47, and I have a 31,25,23 and 19 year old, they have all left home, and I am still young enough to travel and do what I like. I also have friends that are 45 with toddlers and I do not envy them at all, they obviously enjoyed their younger years while I am enjoying my elder ones.

People are so rude OP! I am also 37 with a 3 YO and 1 YO and actually envy you in many ways! I feel so old and tired, much as I love my children they are wearing me down, in a way if wouldn't have in my 20s! I am now a SAHM but when I go back to work at about 40, it will be tough! I would just brush it off and imagine them with their sleepless nights and feel really smug

I had my 1st child at 17, 2nd at 18 and 3rd at 20! I'm now 30 and strangers ask if we are siblings. Take no notice! Colleagues my age are just starting out - arriving to work exhausted, reducing hours and worrying about childcare etc, whereas I've done all that. I'm still very young, sleep at night and enjoying life with some independance.

Keep positive and professional

'I've loved being a mum, I've no regrets'

About the entry level role

'I've been so busy raising my dc but I'm so happy to be re-starting my career now. I've still got 30 years of working life ahead, I don't feel old!'

People are so rude (and like the sound of their own voices). Ignore. I wish I had mine younger (35 with a 6yo and

I'd be envying you! I had dd at 41, and became an old lady almost overnight; so many times I wished I'd done the babies when I was young! 12 yo would have been good - then my parents would have looked after them for me

I had my first at 16 (unplanned) and my second at 21 (planned). They are all grown up with houses and jobs and lives of their own.
I think to the nicer comments you could say oh yes, I've been there and done that and if you'd like any advice or support then ask. To the snotty entry level comment I'd tell them that yes, that's true. But now I can concentrate on my career and I don't have to worry about childcare or ill children. I won't have to take time off for babies and young children if they are ill and I can concentrate fully on taking my career further without worry. Then smile and ignore.
I find it very sad that we as women can't respect each others choices, and offer each other support instead of catty comments and judgements.

I was the same age - 21 years ago in fact.

I agree with poster above, just say it's been great. For me it was, even as a single parent. It's none of their business.

My brother is planning his 3rd (well his wife is) he is 45, he is going to be dealing with a teenager in his 60's. I couldn't! I'm 42, eldest is 21, youngest is 10... I'm looking forwards to my 50's

Jux, you've cheered me up!

It's annoying any time you hear the same comments over and over, but I agree you should brush it off OP. Most likely they are just making conversation. Maybe they really can't imagine themselves as young mums but that doesn't mean you're in the wrong, you've just had different experiences.

If they are being rude, if it's a work situation it's still better not to engage imo. I've seen work colleagues have catty exchanges (or worse, such an exchange with a customer) and no matter who started it I feel embarrassed for both of them!

Reply with a bland comment like "yep, can't believe it", "yep, it's a great role isn't it" and change topic of conversation.

I think some of the comments are because of jealousy.
It’s so weird how we live in a culture where it’s considered unusual to have a baby at 21 - um, that’s surely when we’re biologically at our peak to have them?
I would just be very positive as others suggested, say things like “yes it’s been wonderful! I loved being a young mother and having all that energy, i’d do it all again.”
As for the bitchy one, she clearly has issues so don’t take it (or any of the comments) personally...

I like to remind these people that when I'm their age (Make sure you use that phrase) I'll be off on a med cruise Cos the school run is behind me. Also I'll be an energetic fun grandma with shit loads of energy.

In all honesty though I find the best way to respond to comments like these are with a positive. So when Janet says I can't imagine having a kid that young you respond with how well that worked for you, how you are more in touch with teen culture as a younger parent etc

When Susan states you are entry level then you just respond that you've concentrated on kids younger so you don't have to take a career break in your thirties. You can climb the ladder without worrying about taking a year out for maternity just as you hit management level.

I had my first at 20, started my degree after my second baby and now have a good career, management level with 2 fast growing kids. And yes me and my husband can go on the med cruise (alone) by the time we are 40 😂

I had my son when I was 20 he’s now 25 this year
People have said similar to me when they find out my sons age

I’ve normally reply back well there is no way I would want to have a child at your age - way to old ( IMO). . No way at your age ( very pointed on the your age bit ) would I want to have sleepless nights snotty noses and having to do the school run and all that crap .

It’s so weird how we live in a culture where it’s considered unusual to have a baby at 21

property prices and finances probably have something to do with it unfortunately. Many couples wait until they feel financially comfortable to start a family, rightly or wrongly, but it's near impossible to save for a deposit nowadays when you have childcare to pay.

The truth is that whilst may couples chose to have children later, others simply don't have the choice.

I m 50 now but don't look it (never have looked my age) and ds is 31 and dd 25.
We get mistaken for siblings and I once had a rude comment of "did you have him when you were 13 or something?" .
I just say it's lovely to have been a young mum. And please stop trying to guess my age.....wish I had the nerve to say "It must be so hard getting mistaken for his nan all the time. I mean he must have been a miracle baby to have had him at your age".
But I m too polite

My new year's resolution, if possible, would be for other people to keep personal, unasked-for opinions to themselves.