Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Reception year poo!

96 replies

toiletdrama · 14/01/2019 14:34

Not sure if IABU or not. I'm cheesed off though. DD is in reception and didn't make it to the toilet in time and did a poo in her knickers. AIBU to think that school could have changed a random accident, rather than leavingDD sitting in it for over an hour whilst I traveled home from work? Cheesed off have to take half a days leave now too lost for commuting back to work! I always leave a spare uniform in her bag. It must have taken them longer to come and phone me than to change her. It was pretty "contained" (sorry if tmi!)

OP posts:
newyearnewwhat · 15/01/2019 10:05

@FuckingYuleLog it's not one size fits all when it comes to a childs behaviour and capabilities.
Yes, ideally that would work but often the biggest concern for me is how upset/embarrassed the child is. My role then is to reassure them, I often let them clean themselves up etc but let's face it, they're not all capable!

FuckingYuleLog · 15/01/2019 10:20

They’re not all capable but if they don’t have additional needs there’s no reason why they shouldn’t be other than they haven’t been taught. The school aren’t 100% to blame here.
A parent at my kids school complained that their dc was getting sore because no-one at the school would wipe their child’s bum. The child was 8 and has no sen but parents had to do it at home apparently because they couldn’t Hmm
Taking 2 members of staff away from teaching every time a child has an accident is a big ask. I’m sure for every parent who complains that their child hasn’t been cleaned up there will be another complaining that the class are frequently left being babysat by another classes ta.
It’s ridiculous for parents to be called or multiple staff to have to deal with it imo. The child is 4 not 2 and no reason why they can’t be taught to wipe their bum and change their own clothes if they have a regular accident providing they’re not unwell and in a real mess in which case obviously staff should help and parents should be called.

Stompythedinosaur · 15/01/2019 10:25

I think that's really terrible. Leaving your child in dirty knickers deliberately for that period of time is neglectful.

Accidents in reception are really not uncommon. Dd1 (who was toilet trained from 2) had two accidents that year (probably due to holding off going as she was having so much fun). The school did not make a big deal of it, just reminded the dc to go if they needed to.

I don't know how any compassionate person would be ok with watching a little child sit in cold pooey knickers for an hour.

Original poster
toiletdrama · 15/01/2019 11:28

I must confess it hadn't occurred to me to teach her how to cope with an accident, but assume she would still need some assistance e.g. permission to get her school bag, knickers and be given a plastic bag as they're not allowed plastic bags due to h and s. I'm also not sure she would be able to take her knickers off without dropping the poo out - I could do this with a child in no time, because I've not recently turned four! I would be able to contain mess quickly - again, because I'm not four. It is not a regular occurrence.

I also hadn't considered teaching her how to clean vomit etc either. Or how to bandage herself. She had a poo accident at home when she was three and tried to "clean" it, by pulling the poo out of her pants with toilet roll. I stopped her and said I'd do it (as didn't want toilet blocked with paper or more mess whilst she tried to help). Also because I'm an adult and think a three year old clearing up their own accident is fucked up!

OP posts:
Original poster
toiletdrama · 15/01/2019 11:31

I guess what I'm trying to say is that for my DD, it will cause more of a clean up issue if she tried to clean it up! If time and resources are the issue, that is. They wouldn't let me change her on site either. I had to take her home first!

OP posts:
Original poster
toiletdrama · 15/01/2019 12:45

Have called them and they said they are v focused on wellbeing when I questioned yesterday. I couldn't get an answer why that was their policy. They were a bit woolly, kept reiterating caring nature, said wouldn't let a child sit that long again if someone couldn't get there sooner and are emailing me some policies...I haven't sworn at them yet.

OP posts:
ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 15/01/2019 13:11

What a shame for your dd.

The thing I'd try to pin them down on is why they wouldn't even let you change her on site. I mean, why? They could have given you a visitors pass to use the toilets I assume? Not every single person who passes through a school hallway has a DBS check. I think it's this point that may well illustrate how unreasonable they're being - I mean, what answer can they give for this?! They've interrupted hours of your dd's teaching all for a poo that could - to a certain extent - have been dealt with relatively easily.

Also where was your dd waiting? I assume not in the classroom? So who was sitting with her? Again, a potential waste of resources that could have been pointed towards just cleaning a child up!

And if they genuinely have a no soiled pants policy in their pre-school then they are beyond the realms of crazy town. I work in a pre-school. Of course there are accidents!

I'd make a list of questions you'd like answered and I'd request a face to face meeting. I don't think they get to just let a small child sit in poo and get away with it without making damn sure they have the policies and reasoning as to why this happened.

LuvSmallDogs · 15/01/2019 14:04

My DS1 had a bit of an accident not long ago (also in Reception). Apparently he had waited too long to go to the toilet and weed in his undies while stood at the urinal. An older child found him upset and raised the alarm with a lunchtime supervisor who gave him spare undies. It had been ages since his last accident, months and months.

I think it’s a bit much, posters saying “should be toilet trained”, big school is different to home and preschool. Quieter children can be quite shy about asking to go to the toilet, some will put off going during lunch/break and end up being unable to hold it.

shitholiday2018 · 15/01/2019 14:07

Gosh that it terrible. At our school they help children to change. It is unbelievably common. I think you must complain, first to head and then to governors if not the response you need. They are side stepping their responsibilities and that treatment is cruelnto your poor daughter. She must have been mortified having to sit in it. I would be incensed.

haverhill · 15/01/2019 14:15

knittedjest, how can you possibly know that no child ever had an accident when yours were at primary school?

bridezilla1 · 15/01/2019 14:17

At our school reception aged children are asked to bring in a change of clothes for their peg in case of an accident. My DC was 5 when she started so didn't require them but a friends DS was just 4 and had the odd accident, she was just asked to sign a consent form when he started to say she agreed they could change him if required.

FuckingYuleLog · 15/01/2019 14:43

Not letting you change her on-site was ridiculous. I get not letting you go in the communal loos but surely they have some accessible toilets?

Original poster
toiletdrama · 15/01/2019 15:57

She was still in class - a joint session with reception and preschoolers. They said there was nowhere convenient for me to change her there, so I took her home and brought her back. I've had the policies through - nowhere does it mention parents will be called in this event or that school won't sort FFS. Will see how she is shortly. I hope what a PP said about being ridiculed doesn't happen.

OP posts:
HopeGarden · 15/01/2019 17:29

I was at primary school before knittedjest’s DC, going by the dates she gives, and I can remember plenty of the pupils having toileting accidents, including the occasional poo accident.

We had one particularly strict teacher in infant school who was very reluctant to let kids go to the toilet in class time, which didn’t help with that.

I can’t remember anyone being ridiculed for toilet accidents, not even the kid who wet themself in Year 6, when we were all old enough for that sort of thing to be very unusual.

Original poster
toiletdrama · 15/01/2019 19:32

She hasn't mentioned anything, so I'm guessing no one took the mickey.

OP posts:
llangennith · 15/01/2019 19:45

I'd be very cross with the school.
DGS when in reception pood his pants and they changed him into his spare clothes (PE kit tracksuit) and told me when I picked him up. No fuss was made and he wasn't made to feel bad about it.

ozymandiusking · 15/01/2019 20:24

Surely little girls in particular are at risk of a urine infection from e coli sitting in poo. I'd be livid.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 16/01/2019 02:28

How very unpleasant for them to make your dd remain in class once soiled. Excruciating for her, and deeply unpleasant for everyone else.

They've really fucked up imo.

AwakeNow · 16/01/2019 02:42

OP, do you have a trusted friend who lives close to the school, who would be willing to go over to the school in an emergency?

Original poster
toiletdrama · 16/01/2019 08:30

Not really anyone I can ask that doesn't go to work. It's left a really bad taste.

OP posts:
Original poster
toiletdrama · 16/01/2019 09:09

She went in happily and like normal self today which is a relief.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page