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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

Reception year poo!

96 replies

toiletdrama · 14/01/2019 14:34

Not sure if IABU or not. I'm cheesed off though. DD is in reception and didn't make it to the toilet in time and did a poo in her knickers. AIBU to think that school could have changed a random accident, rather than leavingDD sitting in it for over an hour whilst I traveled home from work? Cheesed off have to take half a days leave now too lost for commuting back to work! I always leave a spare uniform in her bag. It must have taken them longer to come and phone me than to change her. It was pretty "contained" (sorry if tmi!)

OP posts:

Underhisi · 14/01/2019 15:22

Yanbu they have a duty of care and I would complain about it. Even bagging up the knickers and then directing her to wipe herself would have cleaned most of it up.

ThatsNotNiceRoger - the school may have decided to have their own rule that they won't wipe but they are allowed to do it.

minipie · 14/01/2019 15:23

That’s awful and could lead to a sore bottom as well as embarrassment.

If it’s happened a few times already I could understand them being shirty (although still should have changed her) but sounds like not?

DD at reception age used to get some poos that came VERY quickly, side effect of being a bit constipated. Thankfully never had an accident at school but by sheer luck. It isn’t necessarily anything the child could have avoided.

keepingbees · 14/01/2019 15:23

This happened to a child in my DD's class when they'd just started reception. It happened at nearly home time but she was still cleaned up and changed and the parent told discretely at pick up.
I would be appalled if my, or any child was left to sit in it. There's a difference between a non toilet trained child and a young child having an accident.

looktothewesternsky · 14/01/2019 15:24

I think a PP means don't mention the taking time off work thing to the school, but lead with and over index on the teacher letting your child sit like that until you collected her. Which is completely disgraceful of them. Hope your DD is ok, OP.

OneForTheRoadThen · 14/01/2019 15:24

They should have helped her.

Side note - do people really want the pants back for scrubbing? I'd hope they were binned.

rebelrosie12 · 14/01/2019 15:25

In some schools this is the policy. I think it's awful. I've seen a little boy in reception have to sit on a chair in the middle of the class covered in his own vomit for 45 mins waiting for his mum to collect him. Poor little mite.

CottonSock · 14/01/2019 15:28

My dd has toilet issues and I asked about it when she started nursery age 3. They will not help, but will instruct kids how to do it and will avoid calling parents. They had wet wipes to hand. I always send them in her bag with spare pants, nappy sacks.

GruciusMalfoy · 14/01/2019 15:33

I'd absolutely expect a child to be helped to clean themselves up, not to be left sitting in excrement for an hour. They could easily have guided her on what to do.

In my children's school they have a store of underwear for these occasions.

ThatPlanWorked · 14/01/2019 15:34

As a reception teacher - I have worked in some schools where teachers are not allowed to change children due to safeguarding. Unless the child had a health care plan/intimate care plan (ie due to special needs) we had to call the parents, or guide the child to clean themselves with two adults present. This can be really problematic staff wise.

For wet accidents we encouraged children to change themselves with guidance and wipes, bag and clean clothes available - again two adults.

I am definitely not saying this practice is fair, or acceptable but thought I’d explain why this may have occurred. Yes children do need to be toilet trained but I think accidents come as an accepted part of being an early years teacher.

Original poster

toiletdrama · 14/01/2019 16:00

Maybe it's a safeguarding issue then, but why are some schools allowed and others not? Sorry if I'm being a bit confused

OP posts:

Flirtygurty85 · 14/01/2019 16:10

It depends on the safeguarding policy of the school. Most say two members of staff need to be present, well all the ones I've worked in at least, if a change of that nature is to happen.
I've never heard of a child having to sit in excrement for a long period though.
Have you asked what their policy is and why your daughter wasn't guided to the toilet with spares and asked to change whilst staff member waited to take the dirty items away?
I agree the wiping can be problematic but I've never heard of a scenario like this.
If you aren't happy I would speak to the head teacher, as to suggest your child isn't toilet trained because of one accident seems ridiculous.

Cranky17 · 14/01/2019 16:14

Maybe it's a safeguarding issue then,
Sorry that’s rubbish and a cop out from the school, more of a safeguarding issue to let a child sit in their poo for an hour and potentially get sore and feel really humiliated.
Nursery change nappy/ pants and so do special school.

Cranky17 · 14/01/2019 16:16

Just to add your child can be verbally guided to help herself they din have to touch her

Bellatrix14 · 14/01/2019 16:28

I’ve worked in two different primary schools and they both have different procedures regarding changing children if they’ve soiled themselves. It might be safeguarding related (although I think probably not as all staff must be DBS checked and they could always make sure two staff members are in there) but I think it’s probably more likely that staff are not obliged to do intimate care for children who don’t have a health care plan? Neither of the schools I’ve worked at have refused to change children who have had that kind of accident, but I know at least one school local to me mentions in their reception welcome booklet that they will change/help children who have wet themselves but parents will be called to see to children who have soiled themselves. Do you happen to remember whether it mentioned it in the information you received when she started?

I hope your little girl is ok, it’s not an ideal scenario at all. And to suggest that she’s not toilet trained (unless she’s having regular accidents) is ridiculous!

howtobehuman · 14/01/2019 16:34

I would be furious. It's cruel and if it's down to rules then they need to be changed.

FuckingYuleLog · 14/01/2019 16:34

Tbh I wouldn’t be expecting staff to change a 4/5yr old child unless they had some kind of additional needs. You say she has spare clothes, could you not stick some wipes in there and a spare carrier so she can sort herself out if it happens again? May be less embarrassing for her as well. And you taking half a day off work to sort it is ridiculous.

NailsNeedDoing · 14/01/2019 16:38

I work in reception. I agree they should have changed her, but at my school there would be certain times of the day or there could be things going on where it just wasn't possible to find two members of staff available to change a child without leaving other children unsupervised.

You say they could have used baby wipes, but these days we don't have baby wipes unless a parent sends them in, there simply isn't the money to buy things like that.

In your position I'd teach your child what to do herself if she needs to be changed so she can do it on her own. Provide the wipes and a spare bag for dirty things. When the teacher chose to call you, she may not have realised that you'd be an hour away, but even if she did she wouldn't have been able to magic up extra staff that were allowed to do intimate care. Not every teacher/TA is allowed to change poo accidents. Try and remember that no one who works with small children would want to leave them sitting in poo for an hour, they probably didn't have much choice.

gracielooloo · 14/01/2019 16:42

I work with Reception age children (in Scotland so presume the same as Nursery age 4/5)
We would have changed her, you wouldn’t even have had a phone call.
Would have binned the knickers though!😮

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 14/01/2019 16:44

We change children. Yes we need two adults but we manage it. I keep baby wipes in my classroom and we have changes of clothing. If a child has an upset stomach parents will be called. I have Crohn's disease so can't deal with poo myself but everything else I can and do.

Safeguarding just means two adults which most reception classes should have.

MoreCheeseDear · 14/01/2019 17:08

No teacher would want this to happen but if there are no spare teachers available what can they do? They cannot leave the rest of the class unsupervised.

Teach her how to change and wipe herself in case it happens again.

JohnCRaven · 14/01/2019 17:11

DD then 4 had a poo accident in Reception. First I knew about it was pick up at afterschool club when the TA who covers both handed me a tied up poly bag and said she'd got to the loo too late. To bring me back from work would have been ludicrous!

MNHQ

JoanneMumsnet · 14/01/2019 17:28

Hello,

Whenever threads on this topic crop up we inevitably get asked to check behind the scenes, just to be sure.

So we've checked and can confirm that the OP's a long-term member of the site (on a name change here) and that - as far as we can ever tell - we've no major concerns here.

Sorry for the interruption, OP.

MochiBean · 14/01/2019 17:36

That's cruel! I'm a teacher and have helped children to change (given them wipes and clean underwear - there would be a world of fear around actually changing the child in most places). I did then call in parents for a quick chat as yes children should be able to ask to go to the toilet in time, but also accidents happen and the poor things shouldn't be left unclean!

Thesunrising · 14/01/2019 17:37

The school should have changed your poor child. Leaving them sat in soiled underwear is neglect - pure and simple. Accidents like this are common in reception and schools need a more appropriate response than just calling in parents. If the school cite safeguarding issues then I’m afraid they’ve misinterpreted the guidelines / rules. The ERIC website outlines the level of care they should provide - q3 in this FAQ addresses the safeguarding issue. www.eric.org.uk/help-at-school-faqs

bakebakebake · 14/01/2019 17:58

Oh, your poor dd. ☹
I would complain definitely, she could get sore and she'd have been so uncomfortable.

My daughter is in year 1 and had a poo accident at the beginning of reception. She was in PE and still nervous, so she didn't tell the teacher she needed to go.

My son is a year above her, so the teachers knew me through him anyway.. when i came to collect at the end of the day, she pulled me aside and said "your dd had an accident today, i cleaned her up as best i could but she'll want a bath"

I always send her with baby wipes, clean knickers, carrier bag and spare clothes. I still do now she's in year 1 because she sometimes wets herself.

I know her school aren't allowed to put cream on (dd used to get sore from her accidents, so i put cream in her bag just in case).. but they would always help her with changing if she needed it.

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