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Original poster

My adult stepson is causing arguements

92 replies

pissedofftoday · 13/01/2019 16:50

He's 23. Lived with us 18 months.
I've argued with his dad for 12 months of it over him.

He just leaves mess every fucking where he goes. I know that's probably normal for a lad his age.

But I am house proud it's taken me a lot to get where I am in a house that's mine and I love. I decorated, plastered, painted, everything myself. From scratch.

I tell him and he just smiles and nods then doesn't tidy up what I've asked. His dad is getting fed up of me moaning about it.

He needs to move out doesn't he. I don't care either way, we get on great 90% of the time me but this mess is giving me the rage.

All I say is, bring your rubbish down daily. Same with cutlery and plates etc etc.
Wash and dry and put away whatever you use.

That's it.

Me and his dad sort everything else.

He earns well above for his age. But he's very immature. With money mostly.

I do take keep and I put it in a savings account. For him. Because he saves nothing.

Does anyone have any advice.

I can't ignore the mess. It's my office (his bedroom) and there is nowhere else for it to go/him sleep.

OP posts:
Original poster
pissedofftoday · 13/01/2019 16:54

Do the arguements are because he doesn't do anything I ask so I moan to his dad.

His dad understandably sees it as me having a go all the time and him his dad.

I've said though what am I supposed to do. He doesn't listen to me.
Your his dad

OP posts:
StripeyDeckchair · 13/01/2019 16:54

Stop doing anything for him - don't sort anything, don't do anything inc cooking, laundry etc.

As his bedroom is your office I'd get a box and every morning dump everything that was left lying around in the box. Thus things are tidy but you've not sorted it out for him.

He's an adult he needs to act responsibly, how will he ever live alone if he can't cook/clean etc? He's too comfortable and it's too easy for him with you right now.

Moussemoose · 13/01/2019 16:55

No that is normal for a man of 23. He is an adult he should act like one.

Original poster
pissedofftoday · 13/01/2019 16:55

He does his own laundry when he can't fit no more dirty washing in the basket in his room.

He sorts his own cooking he doesn't like mine. I'm not great lol

OP posts:
Original poster
pissedofftoday · 13/01/2019 16:57

Good idea about the box that's happening

OP posts:
AllMYSmellySocks · 13/01/2019 16:58

Is the mess confined to his room? I would say you can't handle the mess and if he doesn't sort it you'll be hiring a cleaner which he need to pay for.

Inliverpool1 · 13/01/2019 16:59

What do you want a tidy house or a happy house ?

elvis86 · 13/01/2019 17:00

Have you posted about this before? Under a different name?

Lots of similarities with a post from a few days ago that didn't get the responses the OP wanted.. 😂

Northernparent68 · 13/01/2019 17:00

You say he needs to move out, he may feel you need to move out. Its not unusual for adult children to remain at home, and it’s not wise to force his father to choose between him and you. Maybe you could learn to be more relaxed.

Original poster
pissedofftoday · 13/01/2019 17:01

A happy house makes me and his dad happy.

Or he can be a whole lot unhappy with a lot less money in his own house.

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 13/01/2019 17:01

It's you again isn't it?

Original poster
pissedofftoday · 13/01/2019 17:02

No elvis not posted before today. What's the thread there might be some useful advice if it was similar.

I'm a regular on here.

OP posts:
Original poster
pissedofftoday · 13/01/2019 17:03

Morgan -who?

OP posts:
Imsosorryalan1 · 13/01/2019 17:03

Whose house is it?

WofflingOn · 13/01/2019 17:03

Have you namechanged, sunshineandmojitos?
If not, she has exactly the same problem as you do, OP.

Original poster
pissedofftoday · 13/01/2019 17:03

It's mine. Inherited.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 13/01/2019 17:04

Is it your own house or shared with your DP/DH? It can’t be that nice for the DS if his ‘bedroom’ is also your office, surely he can’t think that is a permanent arrangement?

If you’ve been asking nicely for over a year and got nowhere you are going to have to consider taking drastic action.

Maybe your DP and his DS need to move out, set up their own home together? Are you prepared for that?

Inliverpool1 · 13/01/2019 17:04

It’s not all about what you and his dad want you’re a family, families compromise or just deal with it

Original poster
pissedofftoday · 13/01/2019 17:04

No definitely not me but I will look at that thread now. Ask the moderators on here to double check it's deffo not me

OP posts:
AllMYSmellySocks · 13/01/2019 17:04

You say he needs to move out, he may feel you need to move out. Its not unusual for adult children to remain at home, and it’s not wise to force his father to choose between him and you. Maybe you could learn to be more relaxed.

It's OP's house which she has keeps and decorates and helps pays for. While it's not unusual for 23 year olds to live with parents it's also not unusual for them to act like adults and pull their weight or for their parents to insist on this. I don't think OP is forcing her partner to choose between her and his son just asking that her son tidies up after himself. Hardly unreasonable it is? Why should OP become more relaxed rather than the sun acting like a grown up (at 23 years old) and tidy up after himself? His dad is not doing him (or his future wife/husband/housemates) any favours allowing him to act like a child.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 13/01/2019 17:08

You take keep and put it in savings for him?
Does he know this? Keep is to pay for his living expenses not his savings.

Tell him it's not working and he needs to find somewhere else to live.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 13/01/2019 17:08

OP should move out her own house, or 'put up with jt'?

Or MAYBE this perfectly capable adult male could do some basic tidying. Hmm

mummmy2017 · 13/01/2019 17:09

Tell his dad, he needs to do the cleaning for his son.
Right now, tell his dad if his son won't clean.... Your not going to, so he can....

Original poster
pissedofftoday · 13/01/2019 17:28

I don't tell him it's in savings.
He doesn't cost us much mor living here or not.

I'm not bothered about that.

I just want him to tidy up after himself.

I just want his room tidy before he goes work in the morning. By that I mean, bed made, clothes away, no dirty cutlery, take it downstairs and wash it and put it away. Take rubbish down.

Hoover your room every couple of days or so when needed.

It's a small house so we all need to be tidy.

OP posts:
Original poster
pissedofftoday · 13/01/2019 17:28

Because I have to them work in there

OP posts:
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